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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » How do I find out if my girlfriend was abused?

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Author Topic: How do I find out if my girlfriend was abused?
Member # 40063

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I’ve known my girlfriend for four years now.We broke up for close to a year or something like that. When we break up we don’t really talk. We’re now going back out and it’s been four months. She’s really changed. She’s constantly hitting things, I let her hit me she doesn’t hit that hard but she also punches walls (now she can’t hit me because she broke her hand). She refuses to have sex with me at certain times and sometimes she’ll agree but I feel like I’m pressuring her so we don’t have sex or she'll break down and cry when i try to initiate anything. She's constantly apologizing to me, she doesn't really talk to other people, and she doesn't like to be with anyone but me. Her family doesn't know what to do either. A couple of weeks ago she took a kitchen knife and sliced her wrist. She needed stitches. She hasn’t really talked to me since, I don’t even know whether she’s my girlfriend or not. I don’t know what happened during that year we weren’t together but I just wanna help her.
Posts: 2 | From: NY | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 17924

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I am very sorry to hear that you're in the position you're in: this isn't easy to deal with, on any level.

Right now, your girlfriend needs more help than you alone would be able to give her. She needs to see some sort of therapist, a counselor, someone who can get her the resources she needs. Cutting, anger, severe mood swings, etc are symptoms that need professional attention.

I'd start with her family. If you feel comfortable, call them or stop by and explain what you've seen, and suggest that they try and get her into counseling. That's probably her best bet at this point.

As an aside, don't let her hit you. It's not healthy for her or you, and you don't know if that behavior will escalate to something more.

(ETA: if you tell us where specifically you are in New York, we can throw some names your way of groups or people that could help her.)

[ 08-31-2008, 08:30 AM: Message edited by: JamsessionVT ]

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Posts: 3987 | From: Greater Burlington Area, Vermont | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 40063

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She’s in counseling at the moment, I talked to her mom who doesn’t really like me much. Her mom said she’s been seeing someone since March. She lives on Long Island. We don’t really live all that close and I can’t see her as often as I want to. I did try asking her mom questions but she really doesn’t like me so I’m going to try asking her cousin or some other family member. She stopped talking to her family though and I guess they’re scared of her. I wanna approach the subject but I don’t want her to shut down on me, she sort of is now. We saw each other a few days ago but she really didn’t talk or look at me. and thank you

[ 08-31-2008, 08:10 PM: Message edited by: dong ]

Posts: 2 | From: NY | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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