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Author Topic: Is this okay?
xxmarissa22xx
Neophyte
Member # 39701

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Hey.. I just found this site and I decided to post here. I turned 13 about 6 months ago and my bf is about to turn 16.

(kinda graphic? i dont know?)
He is a great guy but lately he has been really pushing to....do stuff with me. Yesterday after we went swimming we went in my house to watch a movie and on my couch he kind of.... put his hand down my bikini bottoms and started to rub my vagina. I jumped up but he grabbed me and put me back on the couch and kept doing it and i squirmed away again and he just grabbed me again and told me he just wanted me to feel good and to just let it happen.. and I trust him... so i laid there and he put his fingers inside me. So i screamed and started getting up but he held me there for 10 minutes with his hand over my mouth and wouldnt stop doing it. After the 10 minutes it gave me the BEST FEELING EVER. (from reading around here I think its called an orgasm?) i was mad for a few minutes until he told me it was okay for him to do because he made me feel good. And I trust his judgement. And he\\\'s coming over again tomorrow night so I just wanted to get some opinions on what happened

[ 08-06-2008, 08:19 PM: Message edited by: xxmarissa22xx ]

Posts: 4 | From: My home | Registered: Aug 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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That's not at all okay, and it's not sound to trust the judgment of someone who very clearly violated your trust and who disregards your boundaries very intentionally and with physical force.

Even if something feels good later, that doesn't excuse a person dismissing your no and not waiting for your yes. As well, someone who even WANTS to engage in sex with you when you are saying no, when you are screaming, when you need to be held down -- all very much against your will -- is someone getting off on violating you in some way. That is not healthy and not someone to trust.

What you are describing here is a forcible rape, and you have the option to report this person to the police if you like, because he committed a crime (and possibly more than one if you are under the age of consent and he is over it).

As well? He's wrong: it's not okay to do something to someone they don't want because it feels good. Rape victims will orgasm now and then, but it does not mean they were not raped nor that raping is okay. It means our bodies will respond to certain stimulus sometimes counter to what is going on in our heads.

I would not advise being alone with this guy, period. This is not a safe person.

Another user here (Mortality) brought up a really great point the other day, and a good way to think about these things. If this happened to your friend -- if a guy did something like this to your best friend or a little sister, would you think it was okay? Would you feel like it was safe for them to be around him? Additionally, would the people who care about you the most be okay with you being treated like this?

I take it you live at home? If you do not feel able to set a limit now and tell this guy to get away full-stop, can you not be sure if he comes over you have a parent, sibling or friend present?

[ 08-06-2008, 08:36 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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(By the by, did you lie about your age when you registered here? It lists you as being 14. We can answer questions from people who are 13 and over here legally, so if you did lie, please know that wasn't needed. Please also understand for the future that any kind of fraud here is against our guidelines, okay? I can see you're using an open proxy server, so between the birthdate discrepancy and a possibly forged host, it all seems a bit iffy.)

[ 08-06-2008, 08:42 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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xxmarissa22xx
Neophyte
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I didn\'t exactly pay much attention to the age thing as I could care less what my profile says. Additionally, I do not believe there are rules against using a proxy.
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xxmarissa22xx
Neophyte
Member # 39701

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sorry that my thing says im 14, i was in a bit of a hurry and I could have cared less what age my profile says I am. As for using a proxy, I do not believe there are any rules against that. Since my question has so clearly been answered, i\'m going to leave and go to another forum where people help me with my problems.
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xxmarissa22xx
Neophyte
Member # 39701

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Please feel free to delete/suspend my account. I am sorry for leaving so soon, but i believe that one of the most important things people have is the right to have anonymity if they choose.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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They do -- and that's a big deal for us as well, which is why we do not allow legal names, emails or the like to be posted or shared here -- but we have rules and guidelines you read and agreed to follow but chose to ignore. User fraud can very much stand in the way of this being a safe space for all of our users, so we need to balance anonymity with those concerns.

There aren't rules against using a proxy, it's just that they are most often used by trolls or spammers, so they tend to raise one's heckles, particularly when pairs with another discrepancy.

Whether it's here or elsewhere, I do hope you find what help you're looking for and are able to keep yourself safe and deal with what happened to you.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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