I just am going through a rough patch and seeking some help.
My life has never been a fairy tale but thats normal. Ever since i could remember when I would fall asleep i couldnt because my parents were fighting. So I would go into my older brothers room to seek solitude. that is the last thing I got. He would touch me and make me touch him. told me that my mommy would hate me if she found out what he did. he was 10 years older than me. to this day no one knows not even my fiance. I dont know if I will ever tell anyone ever. only him and I know what happened multiple nights and days when he was baby sitting me.
My other brother who is 6 years older than me has a lot of anger issues and very stuborn. I guess he saw me as a easy target since i was so small. I got 4 broken bones from him and more black eyes and bruses i can remember. told me if I told anyone ever he would kill me in my sleep pack his bags and leave forever.
As a child I was very quiet never sad a word. I still have not spoken to anyone about these events and I dont know what should I do. It kills me every day seeing this people that did this to me. I try to be honest with my fiance but im worried if I tell him what will he think of my family and me. I want the weight off my shoulders but Im worried about the effect it might cause on everyone else. I need help.
Posts: 1 | From: california | Registered: Jul 2008
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posted
I think the first thing to realize is that what happened to you is no reflection on you. In other words, you express concern about what your fiancee would think of your family and you. But you were abused: you did not choose what happened to you, nor did you ask for it. You are not responsible for your abuses: the people who abused you are.
If your fiancee thought badly of your brothers, what is your worry? Do you feel he should not think badly of them? Do you feel like your fiancee is a person with the kind of emotional maturity and sensitivity to support you in healing and help you work through your past abuse?
You have the option to get support from multiple sources with this. If you don't feel ready to talk about it with people close to you, you can certainly start by talking about it at places like this (and you've taken a big, positive first step by doing that), or with an in-person support group or counselor.
As well, I'd strongly suggest distancing yourself from your brothers for now. Seeing them is obviously going to be traumatic, particularly if they have never taken any responsibility for their abuses and you all have not had family counseling where you felt able to develop some kind of safety and resolution, and they did some work themselves with their abusive behaviour.
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