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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » counselor was no help

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Author Topic: counselor was no help
spencer2007
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Member # 39428

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I was raped 6 years ago by my older brothers best friend. I was 13 and he was 16. for 3 years I told noone when i finally did tell my mom she didnt believe me (his mom and mine are best friends). for almost 3 more years I just tried to forget about it but having to see him almost every day made it hard. I became good friends with a lady from my church who said she had been through the same thing. it was great, i finally had someone who believed me and supported me, only to find out that she had lied to me, she was never raped. the guys she had sex with was completely wanted. I know she was just trying to help but I have lost all trust in her. I started counseling about 2 months ago. this week the counselor told me that she didnt think she could help me and maybe i should find someone else. i dont want to go to someone else..it took alot to go to her. i dont think i can do that again. i feel like im to crazy for even a counselor to help. i have triggers but ive learned to avoid them. i do have flashbacks when i get blind sided with things i wasnt ready for but they are getting easier. the big problem now is my sleeping. i wake up 4 or 5 times a night in a panic. i dont know why. i dont remember having a bad dream and when i wake up im not thinking about the rape..just paniced..i have to check all the doors to make sure they are locked and switch beds to go back to sleep. is this crazy? we discussed anti depressants but im scared i will get hooked on them. I tend to get easily addicted to things..pills, alcohol, ect..i have alot of aggression and most days really want to hit someone in the face..but at the same time if someone would just hold me it would have the same calming effect..which is odd because i dont like to be touched. im taking self defense to get my confidence back up and know that i can defend myself if someone attacks me..but that seems to just be making me more aggressive. i feel like im just crazy and dwelling on this to much. my friends say to just get over it but i cant when i think its gone and im ok something triggers me and i start having issues again. will this ever go away?
Posts: 3 | From: texas | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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You're not crazy. You really, really aren't. You've had something horrible done to you, and you haven't been able to deal with it yet, so of course you are still suffering the consequences. Rape affects us deeply, in many ways, and for a long time. None of what you are experiencing is unusual.

I'm sorry that your mother was less than supportive. I was in a similar situation when my brother's friend molested me, and my mother refused to believe me as she, too, knew the boy and his family. I know how hard it is to not get the support you need, and harder still if you keep having to interact with the person who hurt you in the first place. Do you still have to see this guy? If yes, is there any way you can remove yourself from that situation? How old are you - can you move away, go to college, etc?

It's also not uncommon to not hit it off right away with the first counselor you see. Going to counseling in the first place was a huge first step, so give yourself a pat on the back for that: you can be proud of yourself for doing that. Really. Has your counselor told you why she does not think she's a good fit for you? Not all counselors have special training or experience in working with abuse and rape survivors, so it's entirely possible she felt she could not provide the best help for you. Have you asked her to recommend other counselors to you, or a place where you can find out about other counselors? You may want to try to get in touch with a rape crisis or counseling center near you - those will be able to point you in the right direction, or even provide long-term counseling themselves. (If you give us your location, we can look up some addresses for you.)

Most of all, don't give up on yourself. Recovering from this sort of thing and learning how to deal with it and live your life again is a long, hard road, and you're just at the beginning of it. It's okay to feel overwhelmed and confused. But you've started to take the right steps, and you can keep going.

[ 08-16-2008, 03:33 AM: Message edited by: September ]

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
eryn_smiles
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I just wanted to add that you cannot get addicted to antidepressants. Some people have withdrawal symptoms when they come off them, but this can be minimised by cutting down the dose slowly.

After going through an experience like this, it is almost expected that you would have some anxiety and depression. It is not crazy at all. You also mentioned that sleep was a big problem.

The main thing that will help with this is dealing with your rape through counselling and other support as Joey talked about. But while you are recovering there are some medications that can reduce your anxiety and improve your sleep. Keep talking with your doctor and take care of yourself.

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"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

Posts: 1326 | Registered: Nov 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
spencer2007
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Member # 39428

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I do still see the guy, not on such a regular basis as I was. He has now gotten a job out of state and only comes in every few months. I am off at college but because of our familys relationships to each other alot of times when he comes in I am around him.

my counselor did not recommend me to anyone and i dont know of any other places to get help where im at (huntsville, tx).

I am overwhelmed. most days i really want to hit someone in the face but at the same time i really want someone to hold me. those are really contradictory emotions and i dont know how to handle them. for years i have turned every emotion into anger because i didnt know what to do with them. and i didnt want to let my tough girl image go. but i cant do that anymore.

I need someone who understands.

Posts: 3 | From: texas | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Alright. Why don't you call up your old counselor and ask her if she knows anyone she could refer you to, and I'll see if I can find any other options in you area.

Btw, if you are in college, you could also make use of the counseling services they offer. If you're not comfortable with talking to a counselor on campus, that'd still be a great place to go and ask for local resources.

ETA: Looks like there's a great place to go right in Huntsville:
The Walker County Family Violence Council
They have a 24-hour hotline at (936) 291 3369

[ 08-17-2008, 02:27 AM: Message edited by: September ]

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
spencer2007
Neophyte
Member # 39428

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thank you
Posts: 3 | From: texas | Registered: Jul 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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