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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » My friend's abusive relationship

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Author Topic: My friend's abusive relationship
Love-Life
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So, a few days ago me and my friends had a party and a few of us decided to sleep over. One of my friends was going to be picked up by her boyfriend, and he was going to drive her home. Well, he showed up and my friend went to grab her bag. He left before she even had a chance to put her shoes on. Now, I realize that this doesn't sound too bad, but I live in the middle of nowhere and it's a forty minute drive (on the highway) from where we were to her house. After he left, she started telling me and one of my other friends, about how he is verbally and emotionally abusive. She told us about how he routinely was abusive towards her mother, he once said that her brother was better off dead than being raised by her mother. So my friend and her mom are both fearful that her boyfriend's emotional anger will turn physical and I just don't know what to do.

I gave her links to scarleteen, some articles and some discussion boards. She seems like she knows that she needs to get out of this relationship, but just doesn't feel like she can do it right now.

I don't want to bring it up at school, because I think that's too public of a place. And I don't want to make her feel like I'm pushing her, so I don't know how to even approach her about this. [Confused]

I guess I just need advice. She isn't a dumb girl and she knows that she's in a bad situation, I'm just afraid that it may get worse before she realizes it and she will end up hurt.

--------------------
There is an upside to everything, sometimes you just have to turn it upside down to find it.

:-) Vikki (-:

Posts: 153 | From: British Columbia | Registered: Apr 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
hs123
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It's extremely common for someone to feel like they can't leave a relationship, even if it's an abusive one. Afterall, she probably feels that she's invested all this time and emotional energy in it, and that's a very hard thing to break free from.
What you can do, is be very supportive. I'm sure she's probably feeling very torn right now, and linking her to scarleteen and making sure she knows her options, was very good of you.
Though you can't force her to leave this guy, you can encourage it, and let her know that you'll be there for her if/hopefully when she does decide to leave him, and that you will support her completely.
If she does decide to leave him, she will likely have a very hard time after, and if she knows that she has people around to support her and help her get through it, it might make it easier for her to do.

But overall, you can just be completely supportive, and let her know you are there for her. Let her know that she doesn't deserve to be treated this way, and that she deserves a lot better.

Like I said, having support can go a long way. Even right now, in this relationship, because she's not getting any support from him, it will help her feel stronger and more able to do something about her situation if she feels like she has a safety net to fall back on.

But you really did the right thing by linking her to articles here. And talking to her about it more, not prying, but just making sure she knows you're there if she wants to discuss the situation, will go a long way.

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Love-Life
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Thanks. It's just so overwhelming because I'm so worried.

I really just want to shake her until she realizes that he is no good for her... But that wouldn't work very well, lol.

But thanks for the advice, I'll try and talk with her and let her know that I'm open for her to talk to when ever she feels ready.

--------------------
There is an upside to everything, sometimes you just have to turn it upside down to find it.

:-) Vikki (-:

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hs123
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yeah, I wouldn't recommend shaking her, haha..
But it's completely understandable that you're worried. When you feel that someone you care about is in danger, it's normal to feel overwhelmed and upset.
But right now, she probably needs all the support she can get. She needs to know that you'll be there for her no matter what, and she needs to feel strong enough to get out of the situation that she's in.
You can help her by supporting her, and talking to her about it- making her feel that even out of this relationship she will have security and love.

Posts: 401 | From: USA | Registered: Sep 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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