Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Are these the signs of a mentally abusive relationship?

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Are these the signs of a mentally abusive relationship?
ahazeofmyself
Neophyte
Member # 34580

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ahazeofmyself     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I've been with this guy for about 2 and a half years. We've broken up several times and as of right now we are not together. The problem is every time I get angry or upset he blows up. He's constantly calling me a liar even when I'm being honest, he thinks I don't care about him because I make mistakes, he's unfair, he doesn't allow me to make mistakes, he always thinks I'm giving him an attitude, and even when he's wrong I have to apologize because he says he's right, and basically makes me out to be the most horrible person on the planet. Earlier today, he hadn't called me all day. Naturally, I was upset. He called me and hung up after one ring, so I called him back after about 20 minutes and asked what the problem was. He said something happened to my phone and I asked why he hadn't called back and he said because he was talking to his friend and was on AIM talking with a girl he used to date. I let him know I was upset by giving him an attitude. He started to get angry because he is not my boyfriend and he is not required to call me. I immediately apologized and admitted to being wrong because he was right, and he blew up. He says I'm constantly doing the same thing and he doesn't know why he still talks to me because I'm a liar and I never change. He always tells me that if I apologize and admit to being wrong, then he can let it go. I brought that up to him and he said that it does not apply to this situation because I've done it so many times and it's too little too late. He says I shouldn't make those mistakes anymore and says I don't care about him because I made the mistake. He said if I cared about him I would think before I do things. He hung up on me and called me back to tell me he never wants to speak with me again. He said he wants me out of his life for good because he can't deal with it. I asked him how he could do that after everything we've shared and he said I do it too much and it's too much to handle. He said I'm making him go crazy. What bothers me is he does things I despise all the time, but I never take any drastic measures like that. He said it's because the things I do that piss him off are wrong and what he does that pisses me off is not wrong. He says I walk all over him because I'm selfish and he just takes it. He blew it way out of proportion by saying he doesn't want to speak with me anymore, and he thinks he's right. What makes it worse is, we're having this conversation, I'm bawling and his friends are at his house, so he's like LOOK I HAVE TO GO DON'T CALL ME BACK BYE. And hangs up. As if his friends are more important than our situation. Now, my question is, am I crazy or did he take this too far? Is he abusing me by making me out to be the bad guy all the time, or did he just brain wash me? I don't even know what to do anymore. I seriously think I'm losing my mind, and I don't think I'm completely there anymore. Help?
Posts: 3 | From: New Jersey | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

Icon 1 posted      Profile for September     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
You mention that you two are not together anymore. You don't say why you broke up, but either way, that strikes me as a good decision. You two obviously have a vey unhealthy dynamic. So why not take that next step and cut off contact for a while? It doesn't sound like either of you is benefitting from trying to maintain contact.

So next time he calls? Let him know that it would probably best of you two took a break from each other for a while. Take the time to cultivate your friendships, concentrate on school, pick up a new hobby, etc. There are so many other things you could be doing with your time, why waste it trying to maintain a relationship/friendship that's only making you feel lousy?

--------------------
Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Beppie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 94

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Beppie     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
That is most certainly an emotionally abusive dynamic. I would recommend blocking his calls, and simply cutting him out of your life right now. I know this is hard, if you have a lot of history, but he's being totally unfair to you, and you don't need to take that crap. You deserve better.
Posts: 2710 | From: Australia | Registered: Jun 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ahhitsmee
Neophyte
Member # 34691

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ahhitsmee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
this sounds like me...EVERYTHING. like..the only thing different is how he is with his friends because my bf stays home all of the time. but everything else is like...EXACT. like..wow. its crazy.
and i live in nj too...im 18 as well :]

Posts: 2 | From: New Jerseyyy <3 | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ahazeofmyself
Neophyte
Member # 34580

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ahazeofmyself     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Cool, where are you from?
And that's pretty crazy that we're in the same situation.

Posts: 3 | From: New Jersey | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ahhitsmee
Neophyte
Member # 34691

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ahhitsmee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
monmouth county..hbu?
Posts: 2 | From: New Jerseyyy <3 | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
sher2007
Neophyte
Member # 34025

Icon 1 posted      Profile for sher2007     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I understand you guys have a lot of history together, but I would just cut him loose altogether because obviously he is not really someone who is worth your time. In the long run, you will see it was better that things ended up being this way.
Posts: 6 | From: Kansas City | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
ahazeofmyself
Neophyte
Member # 34580

Icon 1 posted      Profile for ahazeofmyself     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hudson county.
Like 10 minutes from NYC!

Posts: 3 | From: New Jersey | Registered: Jul 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Echinacea
Neophyte
Member # 37557

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Echinacea     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
This is an abusive relationship that you need to separate yourself from. I don't know how intertwined the two of your lives are but, if you have a lot of the same friends and the like, don't be afraid to still see and speak with them. I would say, it is a very good idea to block him on the phone and AIM. Try to live your life without him and see where it takes you, I think you'll be happier.
also, do you feel you are safe if you do cut off contact? And if not, talk to your friends about what you're going to do and see if you can set up some sort of way for you to use them as a resource. This isnt to scare you, but an extra precaution.

--------------------
"Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep balance you must keep moving." Albert Einstein

"The most intimate connections are that of today and tomorrow"-unknown

Posts: 11 | From: College | Registered: Mar 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3