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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » this is just making me think too much....

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Author Topic: this is just making me think too much....
Member # 33993

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sorry for posting a lot of new topics around this site but i have a lot of unanswered questions...

do you feel nervous around your boyfriend, girlfriend, or partner?
Xdo you have to be careful to control your behaviour to avoid their anger
do you feel pressured by them when it comes to sex?
are you scared of disagreeing with them?
Xdo they criticise you, or humiliate you in front of other people?
Xare they always checking up or questioning you about what you do without them?
Xdo they repeatedly and wrongly accuse you of seeing or flirting with other people?
Xdo they tell you that if you changed they wouldn't abuse you?
does their jealousy stop you from seeing friends or family?
Xdo they make you feel like you are wrong, stupid, crazy, or inadequate?
have they ever scared you with violence or threatening behaviour?
Xdo you often do things to please them, rather than to please yourself?
do they prevent you from going out or doing things you want to do?
Xdo you feel that, with them, nothing you do is ever good enough?
do they say that they will kill or hurt themself if you break up with them?
do they make excuses for their behaviour, for example, by saying it's because of alcohol or drugs, or because they can't control their temper, or that they were 'just joking'?

the fact that i checked off a sh*tload of those makes me concerned, but here's the thing...when he does those things I ALWAYS stand up for myself. If he asks me what I did during the day and questions me abt who i was with and says oh you were cheating on me or something i always tell him "if you think you're gonna control who i hang out with and ask me questions abt where i was all the time then you can find someone else" and he stops for a while. I'm not one of those girls that sacrifice themselves for their bf-i REFUSE to do that. when he gets mad at me for stupid things I tell him he's being ridiculous and that I don't want to be with someone who treats me like ****. I tell him harshly, too. He could never control who I see....he thinks he can try to but I refuse to do it. He tells me I'M the one that needs to change and I told him no, YOU need to change too. I admit I've done some things to piss him off but I know it is all not me and I told him this. I think a lot of the reason he thinks I'm cheating on him is because his friend spread a rumour that I had made out with him which NEVER happened and I made a joke to my bf that I was cheating on him one night and now I never hear the end of it. When I was still @ college he used to try to read my IMs and sh*t cuz he thought I was trash talking abt him or whatever and I would tell him you're psycho if you think you can go through my stuff and keep tabs on me cuz it's not gonna happen. I think he knows this but he tries anyways. I told him he HAS to change...he overreacts and calls me a b*tch around other people but I never feel humiliated or put down because I tell him don't call me that I didn't do anything to you and if you're gonna call me that don't even talk to me, plus his friends/people who are around just know he's being obnoxious and trying to get a rise out of them/me. Am i doing the right thing here by refusing to let him control me? He's not one of those angry violent ppl, he just always wants to be all up in my sh*t all the time and monitor what I do. I really care for him and I want him to change, and I told him that. We're on summer break right now and I said we can kind of start fresh if he changes otherwise I don't wanna deal with it. Sorry if this was long.

[ 05-24-2007, 12:10 PM: Message edited by: pinkveins ]

you promised me heaven but put me through hell...

Posts: 72 | From: illinois | Registered: May 2007  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Member # 17924

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You know, regardless of how one reacts to abuse, that doesn't change the fact that it is abuse.

So, I am glad to see that you don't let him push you around. But that doesn't make what he's doing any better. A person doesn't have to violent to be abusive. This is still emotional/mental abuse, and if I were you, and someone called me a b*tch in front of my friends, or went snooping through my things, they'd be out the door and on their butt faster than a hot potato.

Yeah, you're standing up for yourself, but you're still putting up with a ton of crap that honestly, gal, you don't need. This isn't a healthy relationship, and I seriously doubt that anything is going to change that. Unfortunately, people tend not to change their ways that quickly, and I don't see this relationship going anywhere positive.

Do yourself a favor and let this one go. You said yourself you don't want to deal with it, so why bother waiting around?

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Posts: 3987 | From: Greater Burlington Area, Vermont | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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