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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » is this rape ?

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Author Topic: is this rape ?
cool87
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I am wondering something. If a girl doesn't say no but cries and is obviously in pain and the boy does not stop having sex with her that's still rape right because consent was not given ? A rape doesn't really need a girl saying no and a guy disrespecting that, hey ? I just want to make sure what I'm looking at is rape here.

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Heather
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(I'm actually supposed to be away for a couple days, but I was just checking in on things and didn't want this to sit, cool, because for obvious reaons, I'm concerned.)

You're being so obtuse there that I'm finding it challenging to answer your question.

Some of thaqt is because, let's take, for instance, a scenario in which a woman is going to have intercourse with a new partner, has talked about wanting same a lot, and both she and her partner, for a given reason, expect her to experience some pain or discomfort. She's communicated before clearly, so he expects the same of her this time.

But she doesn't communicate: she's obviously in pain, but she doesn't ask for the guy to stop, either. She's also expressed concern about being "normal" enough to have painless intercourse.

Now, a caring partner, he's going to ask, at this point, if his partner is okay and wants to keep going. But an uncaring or insensitive partner -- or just one who's in his own world while getting off -- isn't necessarily a rapist: so if he doesn't ask that, but she doesn't speak up either, there's really no telling if he intended to harm her, and rape does have to do with intent to harm and intent to not care about or dismiss consent. It's not about not patying enough attention to someone else or about not getting that something isn't okay when no one voices a problem in any way.

So. What's this about?

[ 12-28-2006, 02:16 AM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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cool87
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Sorry if I was not able to answer this earlier but I just wanted you to know that this isn't about me Heather. I probably would have told you if it really were about me.

That's just something I was wondering about after some girl asked me for advice for what really seemed like a rape. There is a lot more to it though that I omitted to say here. The girl didn't tell her boyfriend to stop but there was violence from her boyfriend which I'm sure her boyfriend knew she didn't want even though she did not particularly state it.

I just was so tired when I posted this so it came out sort of unclear.

[ 12-29-2006, 12:01 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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cool87
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I just really hope you were not too worried about this. I feel bad about this. I'll be sure next time to state this isn't about me.

[ 12-29-2006, 11:59 AM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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Heather
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Thank you.

And I don't think I need to explain that if there is violence involved, then we're talking about abuse, plain and simple.

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cool87
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I'm not going to talk too much about her case here but she described it to me as a willingly rape. (I guess it might be from the fact that she finds it hard to accept that as a rape, don't know) But from the way she described me things, he was pretty violent since she said in part she had bruises from where he was hanging on to her and from the way he acted with her.

But, god did it was hard to read. I seriously don't know how someone having went through something similar would be able to.

[ 12-29-2006, 12:23 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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logic_grrl
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If there was violence going on and he was forcibly restraining her, then it's safe to say that (unless there's some major factor in the situation you haven't mentioned) he knew she wasn't consenting, whether she actually said "no" or not.

And obviously that's different from a situation where someone starts crying during sex which they have voluntarily started.

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cool87
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But what I got of it, she was pretty scared of the situation and he was going so fast, that she was not able/ was scared to tell him to stop. But she consented at the beginning to have sex with him but it just turned out not the way she imagined. And he obviously knew from his part that this was not something she wanted to keep going on/that she did not like it at all.

Anyway, I gave her some safe advice.Her story is so incredibly sad and there's a lot lot more going on here than simply that. I just find it sad that she thinks that what she's all been through was only small mistakes from his boyfriend who she believed his apologies.

[ 12-29-2006, 12:33 PM: Message edited by: cool87 ]

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