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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » abusive:him or me?

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Author Topic: abusive:him or me?
HelloYou
Neophyte
Member # 27518

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hey well I've been meaning to post this for a long time now and I'm gonna go straight to it.

In February i started going out with this guy. Nothing seemed wierd about it but withing a week he was tellling mew he loved me and that he wanted to get married and eveything like that. I still thought that it was normal and that he either was just excited because it was the beginning or our relationship or that he was trying to play me. But it got to where he would get his friends to call and harrass me and threaten to "beat me up" whenever i did something he didn't like. For example: we were at a concert and when i talked to my friends he would say I was "ditching" him (even if i included him in the conversation). I wasn't allowed to go to my friend's houses anymore and when i brought things up around ppl, he would say i was lying and say that i could do whatever i wanted.

We'd fight A LOT even over stupid things. My firneds always were telling me how bad he treated me and how he was going to hurt me. (this was before he actually started to get that bad) And one day in school we saw a play on abuse (The Yellow Dress) and everyone was joking around that that was what was going to happen to me but i didn't know what they were talking about cuz he was so sweet to me most of the time.

Eventually he got way too controlling and i kept on trying to break up with him but he'd always bawl and bawl until i changed my mind. The second to last time i tried to leave him, he held me down an put his arm on my throat and yelled "DON'T SAY THAT! ILOVE YOU!" I tried to push him off and told him he was choking me but he just did it again. When we'd fight, he'd jerk me around and leave bruises where he grabbed me and soon he even did it when his friends were around. He pushed me into the wall and the couch and if we were in front of ppl, he would twist my wrist or something so no one could see. He'd say it was my fault.

He'd call the phone he bought me to see who i was with and in the mornings he'd tell me about how he was at my house during the night "checking up on me". He lit himself on fire one time we got in a fight the one time too.

He told me that i'm the abusive one all the time cuz after a few months of this, i would start fighting back when he tried to hurt me. Does that make me abusive or is that just defending myself?

I'm not allowed to see him anymore cuz of something that happened with him that we got caught for but we were still going out until i broke up with him yet again. He e-mailed me and got his friends to call me and i saw him a couple times after that and we hooked back up but now I haven't talked to him for what seems like so long and I love him and it's so hard. It feels like I'd do anything to just feel better and i try so hard to keep him off my mind but that just makes me feel so angry all the time. I know it sounds bad but I've been surrounding myself with guys just cuz i want to stop this pain and keep my mind on something else. I'm so scared i'm gong to be like him and be agressive to other ppl like he was to me.

Letely i've been dreaming about him again and it keeps him on my mind again and i DO love him...

I could go on and on but this is really long already so sorry about that but remember that this is months in the making.

please respond.....and soon please(if u can)

Posts: 4 | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
logic_grrl
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 8067

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Defending yourself against someone who is violently assaulting you is not "abusive"; he was the abusive one, not you.

This guy sounds extremely dangerous and unstable, and I'm very glad to hear you're not in contact with him any more.

But it sounds like you're feeling pretty depressed, and trauma can contribute to that - have you got any sources of support while you work through this? Is there anyone you can talk to?

--------------------
"Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. Do justly, now. Love mercy, now. Walk humbly, now. You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it." - the Talmud

Posts: 6944 | From: UK | Registered: May 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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