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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » I literally wanna kill myself or her.

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Author Topic: I literally wanna kill myself or her.
black_star
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Member # 8909

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I just don't understand, i've put up with my mom for all my life, and now i can't take it anymore. I'm legal to move out, but my mom's too much of a psycho and a hypocrate. I just dont know where to start.
I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months, and I've introduced him to her like 8 months ago. And she listens to all our phone conversations, goes through my garbages to find letters, and if it's ripped she puts them together and puts on my desk so i can see when I come home. and she doesn't say anything about it. NOW, she heard me calling him "honey" on the phone, and she literally BREAKS my door down and yells at me "DOES FRIENDS CALL EACH OTHER HONEY? HUH? ANSWER ME!" and she keeps yelling at me for 3 hours. but 3 hours was okay, it's always been like that since i was BORN. last year, I told her how i wanted privacy, okay, i am 19 years old. She calls my cellphone starting 4pm and yells at me to come home every 5 minutes. when I asked her for some privacy and freedom. she hits my head with a PHONE. phone breaks, I am half deaf. well, before that it was baseball bat, gold club. you name it. but I put up with it, and I didn't say anything about it, after all she's my mom. but now she's just getting more crazy. she starts swearing at my boyfriend out of no where when he's done nothing wrong. he's so nice that he just appologizes and goes home and bring her present next time.
She just yelled at me, you know about what? it's so random. She unplugged all the cables, adaptors and lines from her computer in her room, and tanggled them and put them out on her bed. and swears and yelled at me about I don't know which fit where and what they are for. If it was connected to the computer, I might have an idea. I always get insulted and yelled at, and get abused, and there's nothing I can do about it. I seriously don't know. SHE CONSTANTLY yells at me. in my whole life, 19 years of my life, I was always so stressed. She yells at me, and what's freaky is, ALL OF THE SUDDEN she changes and goes "have fun sweetieee" or "are you okay? who did this to you??"
I don't know I can't tell her to see a psychologist, because that's just gonna get me more in trouble. I really need some kind of advice, before I kill myself.
I literally wanna kill her, or me. Even my dad gave up on her and moved to another country and just sends us money. my sister already tried to commit suicide, but failed, and tried running away but failed and my mom stalked her and found her. my sister dropped out from university. my brother drinks and smokes and drinks some more.
I've been always the person who settles it and calms her down. but I can't do this anymore.

Please just give me some kind of advice? please?


Posts: 13 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 1207

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Have you ever reported her for this abuse?

Are you in school? If so, you could go to one of the counselors and start there.

Being 19, you can legally move out, and there's not a heck of a lot she can do about it.

You certainly don't have to put up with this ... There's never any reason for such abuse.

Is there any way you could stay with your boyfriend for a while?


Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
black_star
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I am in university right now, and my dad's supporting me through it, since my mom's a house wife. but I get that money through my mom, if it was possible for me to move out, I'd have to pay the rent myself. well, I will be fine with that IF I CAN MOVE OUT. she's literally break my leg and make sure I'd shut up about it.

Staying at my boyfriend house is BAD idea. that's the first place she'd look for, she already, always stalks my ex, and boyfriends. she knows where they live and their phone numbers too. She called the cops on my sister when she moved out to live with her boyfriend. Her boyfriend got arrested for kidnapping my sister. when she's 21. it's funny how she always wins everything and gets her way.

she's a very frightening scary person in my life. my heart would beat faster and I can't concentrate and get scared after 5pm. I've probably been psychologically damaged because of her.

Thank you for the advice though, my mom's impossible. I'd look for some counsellor at school.


Posts: 13 | From: Canada | Registered: Jun 2002  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LilBlueSmurf
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Any chance you could live with your Dad? Or maybe he can send the money for university and living expenses directly to you?

Looking for a counselor to help you through this sounds like a really good idea, i think.

If you can tell me what province you're in (and even what area of that province), i might be able to find some other support systems for you.

Your mother can't make you stay with her. She can try, but legally you're an adult now, and she has no reason to keep you there if you don't want to be there.

Also, if you feel your'e in any immediate danger (you've made several references to physical abuse here), dont hesitate to call 911.


Posts: 7168 | From: Ontario | Registered: Sep 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
dailicious
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I really want to second and stress what Smurf has said in regard to contacting the police:

You say you could move out of your house if your mom wouldn't *literally* harm you or stalk you down if you were to try to live with your boyfriend. This is assault and harassment; you're a legal adult and have every right to be out of her control and able to live a happy, healthy life without her abuse (and frankly have even before then).

I know she's your mother, and it seems that through this post you feel you have some sort of obligation to her because of that: you DON'T. Your obligation should be to YOU and YOUR safety. If you were to call the police on her, it's very likely it would put her in a situation where she WOULD get the psyciatric help she needs and put YOU out of physical and mental harm.


Posts: 3382 | From: Denver, Colorado | Registered: Mar 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Angeliene
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Youre 19 and you can't leave. Your legal you can do what you want. I'm 18 and I ran away from my mom and I'm staying with my uncle. I speak to my mom once in a while but I don't plan on seeing her.I hope you know that theres more to life than death. I pray that you don't kill yourself or mom. I know its seems messed up. Youre a fighter you'll make it.
Posts: 1 | From: NY | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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