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Author Topic: Love Songs vs. Healthy Relationship Behavior
Gumdrop Girl
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I'm noticing a lot of drama being played out here, and a lot of what some of you folks are saying reads like lyrics from your favorite love songs. Unfortunately, what happens in a love song isn't always what should be happening in real life if you want to have a sane, healthy relationship.

So I propose a game. We're gonna take a couple of verses (please don't quote entire songs! the RIAA are beasts and the last thing we need is ST getting sued) from our favorite love songs and pick out the parts that show unhealthy relationship behavior.

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more surly than girly...


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Gumdrop Girl
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Here's a classic and a personal favorite of mine, "Every Breath you Take" by the Police

Every breath you take
Every move you make
Every bond you break
Every step you take
I'll be watching you

Every single day
Every word you say
Every game you play
Every night you stay
I'll be watching you

O can't you see
You belong to me
How my poor heart aches with every step you take

This one is easy. it's all about STALKING. The verses all end with "i'll be watching you," and the fact that he says "you belong to me" strongly indicates possessive and codependent behavior. Definitely not good things to have in a relationship.

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more surly than girly...


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Aria51
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Ooh! I like games.

From the song "Goodbye" by Dada, which is about a breakup:

Is there anyone I could have been
To make you feel that way
someone to turn into for one last night

Why is this unhealthy? The whole idea of changing oneself to suit a partner - be it, "How can I be who you need me to be" or be it, "Who could I have been to make you love me more", it's just plain self-destructive. As we all know, the true definition of a healthy relationship is when neither party feels the need to change their core personality to suit the other party. IMHO, if someone feels they need a personality change to make their partner love them more, the real change needs to come in the form of a more compatible relationship.

note: the rest of the song portrays pretty healthy relationship behavior: "The truth will only set you free, so please / don't cry, it won't make it well / Don't lie, I can always tell" Intersting how a couple of little lines can throw the entire thing out of wack, eh?

[This message has been edited by Aria51 (edited 07-08-2003).]


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Milke
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That song always creeped me out. And oddly (or appropriately enough) its B-side was called Murder By Numbers.

Awhile ago a friend and I started making a list of songs about abusive relationships, and found literally dozens. There's the classic He Hit Me (And It Felt Like A Kiss), which presumably needs no explanation. Co-written by Carole King, if you can believe. The Beatles sang about killing a girlfriend if she was seen with another man (Run For Your Life, 1965), and Alice Cooper sang about a nasty, but tolerated situation in Only Women Bleed. These are all somewhat older songs, and all about male violence and abuse towards women. I don't think there are so many songs about women abusing men, though both The Offspring (Self Esteem) and Greenday have had such songs recently. It seems sort of odd that anything goes in some music, even though hearing about such things in real life would horrify us. I guess love *does* justify anything so long as it's put to music.

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Milke, with an L, SSBD, RATS, TMNTP, MF, CWCD, DNFTF, WAOTA

Worst attitude of them all!

[This message has been edited by Milke (edited 07-08-2003).]


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Ecofem
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There's always the classic "Jane Says" by Jane's Addiction, that deals with an abusive relationship, drug abuse, etc. and is about a true person at that.

I haven't listened to Hole much lately, but I used to love their music– listen to it for hours, especially during hard times. Their first album "Pretty on the Inside" can be really harsh and abrasive to listen to when you're not in the mood, but can be empowering, too. Just seeing the titles like "Teenage Whore" you'll see what I mean.

Their more commercially-polished second album, "Live Through This" continues to deal with issues like abusive relationships and rape. The song "Jennifer's Body" always sticks out in my mind:

He cuts you down from the tree. He keeps you in a box, by the bed. Alive, but just barely. He said, "I'm your lover, I'm your friend, I'm purity, hit me again," With a bullet, number one, kill the family, save the son.

Thanks for letting me share– this is a great topic for a post, Gumdrop Girl!

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"Tear up the cloak of indifference that you have wrapped around your hearts! Make up your minds before it is too late!" ~Sophie Scholl


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Cathexis
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I wonder where you are
I wonder what you do
I can't make it on my own
I need to be with you
And I wonder...

Was our love not strong enough
to keep us holding on?
Tell me what I did wrong

Was our love not strong enough
to make you fall
like I've fallen for you?

Lasgo - I wonder.

Just that ' I can't make it on my own' already SCREAMS too much dependence. Feeling like you cn't survive after a relationship. I mean... you've lived for so long without that person, you CAN live after too. Besides... Not everything works out right. If it has ended, it has a reason, and you probably know why. There's no use rubbing it more and more and trying to find an alternative reason. My babble makes no sense but you probably get it... -_-
by the way, I cried a LOT listening to this song a few months ago


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frozendreams
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well i listen to rock and heavy metal. so i hear alot of songs like that. so i wont list them all

just as an example marilyn manson, slitpknot, and many many more. those are the most popular that most people have heard of. if i quote them (especially manson) i will be quoting all day.

for some reason i still love their songs though

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**********************
formerly unhappykoger
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MarvellousPurple
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not that anyone in their right minds would call this a love song, but...

you let me violate you
you let me desecrate you
you let me penetrate you
you let me complicate you
help me, I broke apart my insides
help me, I’ve got no soul to sell
help me, the only thing that works for me, help me get away from myself
[obscene bits]
you can have my isolation,
you can have the hate that it brings
you can have my absence of faith,
you can have my everything
help me tear down my reason,
help me, it's your sex I can smell
help me, you make me perfect
help me become somebody else

(Closer- Nine Inch Nails)

This guy seems to have some serious personal issues to work on--could probably use some self-esteem before getting into a relationship. Also seems a little (ok, a lot) dependent on the... person the song is about.

Even though it has issues, it's still easily one of my very favorite songs.

Great topic, Gummy

(edited as this keyboard doesn't like to work very well)
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...you mean the files are in the computer?!?

[This message has been edited by MarvellousPurple (edited 07-09-2003).]


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eep_a_mouse
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dont forget eminem he wrote that kim song and the one where his girlfriends screaming in the trunk
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DarlingBri
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I will burn for you
Feel pain for you
I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart, and tear it apart

I will lie for you
Beg and steal for you
I will crawl on hands and knees until you see, you're just like me

Violate all the love that I'm missin'
Throw away all the pain that I'm livin'
You will believe in me, and I can never be ignored

I Would Die For You
Garbage
Romeo & Juliet Soundtrack

It gets worse from there.


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Gumdrop Girl
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quote:
Originally posted by eep_a_mouse:
dont forget eminem he wrote that kim song and the one where his girlfriends screaming in the trunk

not exactly what i'm looking for. we all know eminem hates kim and that he's a sick wacko. But i'm looking for songs that try to disguise unhealthy relationship behavior in the form of some happy love song, the kind that you first think, "aww, how sweet," then you realize "wait a minute, if anyone ever said that to me, i'd be SO creeped out!"

One that comes to mind is Britney's "Baby One More Time."

------------------
more surly than girly...


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Milke
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The Chiffons - One Fine Day

While it was a great sounding song, it's not such a good way to start a relationship. Healthy partnerships come from mutual trust and respect, not desperation and some weird sort of fatalism.

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Milke, with an L, SSBD, RATS, TMNTP, MF, CWCD, DNFTF, WAOTA

Get your philosophy from a bumper sticker


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ginuwine
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One of my favorite artists has many songs about unhealthy relationshops, but most of them are just mocking how dramatic things can get. She's usually more of the independent type. The song's speak for themselves, so I'll let them. I might add, that if you know of her you know this isn't her best stuff.

Stolen Sidewalk

I'm a junkie.
I'm a whore.
That's what you always called me.
I am raw,
An open sore.
I ache to remind me...

I'm a weakling,
You are strong.
Pick me up from where I lay.
Here on a stolen sidewalk.
Baby, don't make me beg

Chotee

I was just outa high school in my first band:
I married my drummer. our love was grand.
I thought it was forever - 'til death do us part.
Then he cheated on me and he broke my heart.

{chotee:}

So young, so confused. what was i to do?
I'm so sorry, chotee, but i couldn't keep you.
I hope you can forgive me:
My baby, chotee, forgive me:

Me and him were fighting on the road for two years.
He never loved me anyway. still brings me to tears.

{chotee:}

He didn't really want you - 'cause he didn't want me.
Didn't wanna be a husband, didn't wanna be a daddy.
I hope you can forgive me.


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Atticus Girl
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Garbage - Medication

[CHORUS]
Somebody get me out of here
I'm tearing at myself
Nobody gives a damn about me or anybody else

I wear myself out in the morning
You're asleep when I get home
Please don't call me self defending
You know it cuts me to the bone
Oh it's really not surprising
I hold a force I can't contain

And still you call me co-dependent
Somehow you lay the blame on me
And still you call me co-dependent
Somehow you lay the blame on me


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Milke
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I think I really got this one off-topic, and many apologies for that! This thread's for quoting bits of songs that don't seem bad on first hearing but actual describe some really unhealthy behaviour -- and explaining how that's so. There's not much value to just quoting a song that's blatantly about something bad, and leaving it at that.

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Milke, with an L, SSBD, RATS, TMNTP, MF, CWCD, DNFTF, WAOTA

Get your philosophy from a bumper sticker


Posts: 5122 | From: I *came* from the land of ice and snow | Registered: Aug 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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