I've been seeing my boyfriend for months now. He's paranoid all the time. He's constantly asking where I am and telling me i avoid questions. And he doesn't like introducing me to his friends incase i like them. I've told him I love him and I only want to be with him, he says he loves me but can he really when he doesn't trust me? And a while ago we were talking and he asked me to promise something. but I dodged the question & he says i deliberately deceived him. If there is no trust is there reason to keep this relationship?
Posts: 10 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: May 2003
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trust takes time to grow. a couple of months may not be enough time for your guy. Some people who have been betrayed before are much more distrusting. IT all depends on you. Do you care enough about this guy to work to earn his trust, or do you want to move on. You are the only one who knows how you feel.
Posts: 94 | From: plymouth,mn,usa | Registered: Apr 2003
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Sure, deep trust takes time to develop - but that doesn't mean that it's okay to treat people as if they are continually under suspicion (or conclude that they're lying) when they haven't done anything to warrant it (I'm assuming here that you haven't ...).
Sure, maybe he's been hurt before - but until he can avoid taking his hurt out on other people, maybe he's not ready to be in a relationship again.
If he's behaving in this paranoid and controlling way, it really isn't fair and it really isn't a good sign. And accusing you of lying for failing to promise what he wanted definitely sounds like a bad sign.
It makes sense to try and discuss this all with him and see if he's able to recognize that there's a problem with his behaviour, or explain any reasons he has for behaving in this way. But if he can't or won't change, then it may be that the relationship doesn't have a chance, or may actually be heading into emotionally abusive territory.
I've seen this before, at least as a spectator. He isn't likely to change no matter what you do. This is the kind of guy who will grow up to abuse his wife and tell her she can't leave the house without his permission.
Obviously I don't know this guy and he's not here to defend himself, but if that were an issue for you then you wouldn't be here asking for advice. I call things like I see them and based upon what you've described I see someone who isn't fit to have a girlfriend. I were you I'd run the other way.
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