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Author Topic: Girlfriend raped
avp07
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My girlfriend was raped last week. Both of us are virgins, and we were about to have our first time when this happened. My specific concern is about her having caught any STD's from her attacker. She said he used a condom, and it didn't break. She went to the doctor a few days later, and he said she hadn't caught anything. However, I have read several places online that you can't be sure about some diseases until up to 6 months later. What are the chances that she caught anything, and what can I do safely to give her pleasure, without using large amounts of protection that would make her feel like there was something wrong with her, but without a significant risk of catching an STD?
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Heather
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She will need testing at least once more over the next six months to be relatively certain.

Flatly? Right now you can hold off on sex or a while, per giving her pleasure. It would be very unusual for such a recent rape survivor to be in any emotional space for sex right now. Help her get the support and counseling she needs, let her know you're here for her and happy to wait on any form of sex while she sorts this out.

And when the time IS right, simply use latex barriers. We'd have advised that even if this hadn't happened, virgins or no.


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avp07
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Thanks for the info Scarlet. She actually seems to want to have sex, which is why I posted here. She said she doesn't want to let what happen to her change her life.
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Heather
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But it WILL. It WILL change things: it does. It sucks that it does, it's horrible that it does, but it does. No one can walk away from a rape unchanged.

Really, has she talked to a counselor?

Because I would seriously advise she does. Yes, there are exceptions, but sex this soon could easily end up traumatized MORE. She really should talk with a pro before making that decision, and I'd encourage you, if you care about her, to encourage her to do the same as a caveat before YOU are willing to consider sex, out of care for her.


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avp07
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I'll do that.
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Heather
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Just FYI?

She should have been given resources when she reported the rape, if she did that: resources for support groups and counseling, resources for her continued health, the works. At the very least, the doctor she saw should have given those to her.

If she did not report, RAINN is a good place to start to get resources nationally via a free, anonymous hotline service, which is:1-800-656-HOPE.

We also have several support group threads here at Scarleteen for abuse and assault survivors, so there are other survivors for her to talk to right here if she prefers, or wants that additionally.

One last thing? I don't want to come off as accusatory, but getting STI results takes time. If this happened last week, and she saw the doctor a few days later, she could not yet have her results back, especially given the weekend. She could have been told per a visual examination that she did not appear to have any injuries, nor did she appear to have any HPV or Herpes sores (but that'd be irrelevant, since they tend not to appear that quickly after transmission). But she will not have things back yet like Chlamydia, Gonorrhea, HIV and Hepatitis results, etc. so a doctor would not have told her she didn't acquire anything from the rape in her office visit. Perhaps she misunderstood.


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avp07
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That's a great help. She won't report it, so I'll make sure to get her the hotline number. Thanks again.
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