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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Abuse & Assault » Emotional Abuse possibly

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Author Topic: Emotional Abuse possibly
LittleNami
Neophyte
Member # 28685

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First off, hi to everyone since this is my first time on these boards.

But I have an issue I need to get straight to. This topic kind of belongs in two areas because as of 5 days ago, I had sex with my boyfriend and it broke. I believe I am at high risk for pregnancy, although I could easily be paranoid, but it brings up another issue.

I didn't want to have sex with him that night, but he in a way made me anyways. I believe myself to be in an emotionally abusive relationship and I am nto sure how to get out of it.

The problem is an ongoing one. I always seem to fall for the guys that end up either becoming very dependent on me and might hurt themselves if I leave or treat me like a trophy and use me.

This currenty boyfriend is the first. He told me he loved me only a week into our dating. We had sex after 2 weeks, even though I told him that I wanted to wait a month. The incident that happened 5 days ago, he kept egging me on for sex, and although I was very tired and needed to go home, he picked me up and took me to the bedroom despite my refusal, and being so tired, I just let him have sex with me pretty much.

Problem is I am afraid I don't know how to get out of this since he is so dependent on me and I am afraid if I leave he might hurt himself. He has already made me meet his parents and friends of his, as if he is planning on marrying me already, which I know if it was up to him he would.

Plus if I am pregnant, I need to get an abortion, and I can't afford it on my own, so I am forced to stay with him for now until this is over with for sure.

I am just so unsure of everything right now, and anyone to talk to about this would be greatly appreciated. Funny how alone you can feel when you have a boyfriend you can't stand -_-

Posts: 5 | From: Minnesota | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Okay, first things first.

You do NOT need to stay with this person per the abortion issue. Like I said in your other thread, your chances of pregnancy right now are exceptionally slim. Even if you did become pregnant and needed that abortion, there are, believe it or not, national, independent funds which can be accessed in cases just like this. We could help connect you with them if the need arose.

It's not anyone's job to be abused in order to protect an abuser from themselves. Not only is that just out of order, it just doesn't work. Someone who is going to harm themselves in some way will do so regardless, and most abusers? They don't harm themselves: they harm others. Their appearance of dependency, of need, is a pretty sneaky ruse that is part of how abusers manipulate those they abuse.

Let's say he WOULD hurt himself. (He really likely won't, but let's play pretend.) Why is HIS value greater than yours? In other words, why does it make sense to you for YOU to be hurt so he doesn't have to be? Just think about it.

What do YOU need to both get out of this relationship and out of this cycle, in your opinion?

(And welcome to the boards.)

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
origami_jane
Activist
Member # 27369

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Honestly, if I were you, I'd end the relationship immediately.

This guy obviously has NO respect for you or the boundaries you set--he had sex with you against your will, after you told him no. Now you have STI and pregnancy risks on your hands--ones that could have been easily avoided had he actually listened to you.

Don't let his "dependence" on you or threats of self-injury keep you in an unsafe place. He should be working on that with a therapist if he thinks it's a real problem, not guilt-tripping you into staying in the relationship. You really don't deserve to be treated like that. Don't let yourself be "forced" to stay in a relationship that is as unhealthy as this one.

As for the abortion, if you are pregnant, I've heard that Planned Parenthood clinics charge on a sliding scale. They'll probably be able to help you out.

(Just saw your other post and realized that you got EC, so you should be okay on the pregnancy front. Ignore that part.)

[ 05-04-2006, 08:53 PM: Message edited by: origami_jane ]

Posts: 129 | From: Mid-Atlantic US | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LittleNami
Neophyte
Member # 28685

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^^ Thank you so much for responding to both posts. I guess the irrationality that I am facing with the slim chance of pregnancy is making me a little needy for him as well. Normally when my period starts, however, I start to think rationally again, oddly enough since most people are irrational when on their period. But I didn't know about the aid for abortions. If I do end up being pregnant, I will be requesting where I can go for help with it then. Thank you so much for giving me courage back to leave him now. I am hoping that for once, I can start my life independently, without need for a man that has the desire to harm me.
Posts: 5 | From: Minnesota | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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There's one more organization in Minnestoa that may be of help to you in that if you're interested.

http://www.chrysaliswomen.org/

That's in the Powederhorn area of Minneapolis, and is an excellent place.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
LittleNami
Neophyte
Member # 28685

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Well, thankfully this issue is in the past now, or at least I hope for the most part. As of yesterday I got my period and am now assured that I am not pregnant by this guy. I also left him yesterday as well, although he now calls me and leaves messages constantly begging me to take him back and how he loves me and such. It tears me up inside, but I know if I can get past him, it will be ok. Thank you so much for your support, everyone's.
Posts: 5 | From: Minnesota | Registered: May 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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