I'm back to square one again with my husband. We've been married since May, and have been together for 2 years. He was very abusive before we got married, but I made him get counseling, and he went. He totally changed... until we got married and moved to Tennessee from Minnesota. He's in the Army, and his job is really stressful. I'm not making excuses for him, I'm just saying that I've seen him work, and it is very hard.
Since we've been married, we've each gotten new cars, new house, 2 dogs, and we've been so happy.. until the last couple months. Whenever he comes home he bitches about me not doing the dishes, or watching TV. I had a job, and I worked 6 days a week, so when I got home I was really tired. He only works 3 now, and is home all the time. He expects me to do everything around the house, even when he's been home all day because "I'm the wife and it's my job to do everything and to have sex with him every night." Bull frickin crap!!
Ok to the actual story: He hits me, pulls my hair, forces me to have sex with him, drags me around the house by my hair, chokes me, makes me pass out from choking me, throws things at me, whips me with a belt, throws me against the wall, slams my head on the floor, kicks my arms and legs, smacks me and punches me in the face and so on and so forth. We've got 2 dogs that are still young and being trained, and whenever they make a mess in the house or start to chew up a shoe or something, he beats the hell out of them. He's choked both dogs, hung them up in the garage by their collars, beaten them all over their body with his numchucks, picked them up by their necks and thrown them outside, doesn't feed them for days and days, and so on. He's even hit our dogs over the head with their chewing bones, which has resulted in them having open wounds, bloody noses and such. I know this is really graphic and might upset you, I'm just trying to explain my horror, so please don't get mad at me.
Whenever he's beating them and I try to make him stop or get in front of the dogs to make him stop, he grabs me by my shirt or hair and throws me across the kitchen, telling me that if I try to help them again he will kill both me and the dogs.
We are both on probation for domestic assault. He started hurting me so bad that I called the police and tried to have him arrested. When he was hitting me and choking me, I was hitting him back as self defense, but the cops in TN don't think of it that way. Since I was hitting him back they said I was the primary aggressor and arrested me. After I got out I was able to go to my house and grab my things to live with my guy friend cause that's all I have as a friend down here cause I haven't had time to hang out with anyone. He got mad at me for staying there and actually came to his house and drug me out. My friend called the police and they arrested me again (while my husband was still there) saying that I was being unfaithful to my husband and that I was provoking him to make him come over there. So I had another court date and I told the judge that he is the one that beats me, and I only hit him back as self defense. The judge told me that I was a liar and put me in jail for 6 days until I was able to bail myself out.
The next day I went to work and my husband came there, told me that something happened with one of the dogs and asked me to come outside. When I got outside he started choking me in front of my co workers saying that he would kill me if I tried to put him in jail. My manager called the police. As soon as they arrived, they told them what happened and arrested him, and took my statement. My husband had told them that I started slapping him and kicking his car, so they arrested me too!! I told them it wasn't true, they said they didn't believe me. We went to court and I tried to get a restraining order from him and the judge denied it. The judge said that I was crazy and needed to be in a mental hospital, my husband and his attorney stood there laughing.
He sentenced us both to probation and ME to batterer intervention classes. I asked the judge why it was me that was sentenced to the classes and not him because I was the one being abused, and he said "because he is in the Army, he has a good support system with him to help him stay away from crazy people like you." I was shocked that the judge would say something like that, I even showed him pictures of what he did to me! Ya know what the judge said?! "It looks like you inflicted those on yourself. Your husband doesn't look like the type to hurt anyone."
To end this story, I made my husband's first sargeant put him in the barracks on post so I can stay at home, but he still comes here for lunch and assaults me and the dogs. I have no money anymore. I lost my job because of what happened that day outside because "they don't want any violence of any kind here." I'm talking with a social worker on post right now to try and get off the probation and to try and find a way to get back home. I have no money to get back home, and my family won't give me money to get back home. He still comes over to the house and assaults me, and whenever I threaten to put him in jail for violation of his probation, he throws me on the floor and tells me that if I do, he WILL kill me.
I really don't know what to do anymore. I have no one else to turn to, I've lost all my friends because of this happening, and no one believes me. The laws here in TN are really stupid. I know what happened to me, I would not lie about something like this. I don't lie period! My family knows how abusive he can be, they've seen it happen. But I feel like I'm the only one that knows what EXACTLY happened. I know this is really really long, but I really have no idea what to do anymore. I'm scared out of my mind. I know I made a mistake by marrying him and thinking that things would keep being wonderful, like they were this whole time we've been married. I just don't know what to do. I'm scared for my life, and our dogs' life. I made a mistake, I know that, and I have learned from it... I just need to try and get out of it..
Please help me, give any advice that you can. I really need someone to help me through this...
------------------ Yesterday is history Tomorrow is mystery Today is a gift
[This message has been edited by BiLLaBaBy017 (edited 01-01-2006).]
...and YOU getting out needs to be your very first priority.
I'm a big animal lover myself, so I understand the concern, but you come first. After you leave -- minutes after, even, you can call the humane society and tell them the situation and they can get the dogs.
As Smurf advised, I would seek out women's advocacy. Get to a local shelter.
(In time, by the way, you can get legal aid to appeal what happened to you in the legal system in TN. The domestic violence advocates at a shelter can help you with that, too.)
If it helps right now? WE believe you. We don't think you're lying (and in fact, I remember the history with this guy very clearly and more than on staffer including myself advising you repeatedly not to marry this man, but to get away from him.) You are believed, and others will believe you.
But right now, you have just got to get the heck out: to a women's shelter, or, if you can, back home to Minnesota, if I recall correctly. Do NOT tell him you are leaving or make any indication about your plans should you see him in the interim. Just get out.
Whatever you do, get out of there fast, and take the dogs with you. Do it while he is at work. And buy a new cell phone, because he might be able to track you down with your old one. I'm not sure though. just some advice. ask your guy friend if you can borrow some money too. good luck to you and the dogs
Posts: 20 | Registered: Jan 2006
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Just an update. I sold the dogs, am staying with a friend, and my husband will be leaving for Iraq pretty shortly here. I have already made plans to divorce his sorry little butt when he's gone (if I did it while he was still here it would delay his "flight to Iraq" and his commander doesn't support that) and move back home ASAP. I'm finally working up the courage to do this but as a lot of people know, it IS hard to be in a situation like this. But I am building up enough confidence to end this and finally move on with my life. At least the dogs are finally safe now and they have good homes. I'll miss them, but my life is more important right now.
------------------ Yesterday is history Tomorrow is mystery Today is a gift
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