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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SHOP TALK » S.E.X. » So.....LONG....(time wise)

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Author Topic: So.....LONG....(time wise)
lilsunshine
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Every time I give my bf a HJ or BJ....it takes a good forty minutes plus for him to reach the big 'O'.
FORTY MINUTES.
It was over an hour once!
My arms and mouth etc get SO exhausted! Am I that bad that he can't reach it that quickly? It takes me about twenty minutes to reach one!
And previously it's taken about five minutes for me to make a (different) guy...you know...'O'.
I don't know how to solve this...he says I'm good and at least I can get him to reach it, but I just get so tired from doing it and wish I could make it quicker! I feel like I'm bad at what I'm doing if it takes him so long!
Reassurance would be appreciated [Smile]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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One thing I feel like a lot of people come to partnered sex without knowing is that no one ever has to keep going with something sexually when they get tired, when they aren't excited about it anymore, or when it feels like a drag.

If a partner just isn't reaching orgasm within the time period that you want to be engaged with them sexually, then you just give it a rest. They can either finish with masturbation, or y'all can just call it a day.

Per why it's taking him the time it does, everyone is different. Forty minutes is absolutely on the long end, but there can be a lot of reasons for that. Some medications or conditions have that effect, some people take longer to feel comfortable letting go with partners than others, some people don't get off easily from a given activities or activities where someone else does.

But if he's not getting there by the time you feel seriously done, then you don't need to keep going, and it sounds like you two perhaps need to talk about that together so you can both unpack it and come up with some solutions that work for you both.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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lilsunshine
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Yeah that's true...unfortunately I feel obliged to keep going because he says he's quote: "almost there".
I just hate doing things for guys anyway, I really don't find it a turn on but because I love them and they do it for me, I do it in return.
Thank you so much, Heather [Smile]

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Heather
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Youre not.

And you know, if you find you hate doing anything that's about a guy's pleasure or body, that can actually be a very clear sign you're either likely picking out partners you earnestly are not totally into, or that you might be having sex with them before you're really up to/into a sexual partnership, rather than, say, masturbation. You also don't want to be in a dynamic where you are doing activities in order to try and "earn" others -- like, you give oral sex, then you'll get it. That can set up some really crummy precedents.

In other words, if you don't like giving your partners pleasure -- and also feel obligated -- you may want to evaluate if you're really in the right sexual relationships for you.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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lilsunshine
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True...but I am definitely ready and I really do like the ones I'm with and I'm very straight! Lol
And I enjoy other aspects of being sexual with them but for some reason I just find (I know I'm using crude terms) giving HJ's and BJ's a tad boring. The rest is fine though, lol.
Thanks again [Smile] It will all work out, I'm sure.

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Heather
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So, if you find doing those things boring, then you don't do those things. [Smile]

(FYI, I wasn't suggesting any of this had to do with your orientation. Just because we're attracted to a given gender of people, too, doesn't mean we're attracted to every member of that gender equally. And liking isn't always the same as sexual chemistry: we can like lots of people, even love people, who we don't have strong sexual chemistry with or sexual desire for.)

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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nighteyesv
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quote:
Originally posted by lilsunshine:
I really don't find it a turn on but because I love them and they do it for me, I do it in return.

From my understanding the issue seems to be Not that you are disgusted or anything by it just that you find it boring and it doesn't do anything for you though you mention also that he does it in return. So if you both enjoy recieving oral and the only problem is that it is boring I'd recommend finding a comftorable position like 69 or something where you can both give/recieve oral at the same time so it isn't one sided and boring. Also there are a wide variety of products that either of you can purchase that will increase his sensitivity and cause him to finish much quicker.
Posts: 58 | From: covington, WA, USA | Registered: Feb 2006  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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