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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SHOP TALK » S.E.X. » realizing myself as a sexual being

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Author Topic: realizing myself as a sexual being
rosie777
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Member # 47704

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Hey there,
I have been on this site once before because i was trying to figure out if i really was bisexual or straight-i still don't really know and i realized that chances are most of my confusion comes from the fact that i still don't really feel comfortable with the knowledge that i am a sexual being. im uncomfortable when i talk about sex in general and i want some advice on how to deal with that. When i think about it at first i don't really mind but then this flood of questions will come to mind, like:
isn't this bad?
what would my mom think if she knew i thought that?
would she be dissapointed in me?
does this make me a pervert?
or does it make me weird that im not comfortable with the idea of sex?
any help would be appreciated.
if i wasn't clear enough please don't hesitate to ask because i want the best advice you guys can give me!
thanks so much,
rosie 777

Posts: 8 | From: New Orleans, LA | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
eryn_smiles
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Hi rosie,

I think that your feelings sound pretty common and many of us have felt similarly in the past. When I first started thinking about sex and masturbating as a teenager, I used to feel that my thoughts were bad or shameful and wonder what my parents would think.

But the thing is, most people have sexual thoughts and feelings, even if we don't always talk about them or show them. And if your mom knew that you think about sex, I'd expect she'd think it was very normal development and feel relieved about that.

Unfortunately, even grown adults (including parents!) can sometimes feel uncomfortable talking about sex because of the way they were brought up. Sometimes they can pass that discomfort on to their kids, which is a shame. But, I think talking gets easier with practice and when you talk to people you can trust. Having good role models helps too.

It also takes time to feel comfortable with the idea of sex. If you're not ready to explore your feelings by yourself or with anyone else yet, then that's ok. You get to wait until the right time for you. Sometimes we may feel more comfortable once we meet someone we're really sexually attracted to, rather than just thinking about sex as an abstract possibility. Some people may find that they're not ever interested in sexual relationships with others. That's less common, but also perfectly ok.

Hope that helped a little [Smile]

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"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation and that is an act of political warfare."

Audre Lorde

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OWL Dan
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Member # 49077

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Hi Rosie,

You are not alone by any means with being uncomfortable sex and being a sexual being! Many of us, including myself, have been through this. [Wink] I feel that it can be awkward in part because we have been given mixed messages by society. We hear that sex is open and out there and accepted in general, but on the personal level we are told that it is a personal/private thing that we should either keep to ourselves or be very selective with who we share it with. My suggestion is to follow your heart or instinct as to what is right for you as to when and how much you are ready to explore and learn about. Feel free to ask people you trust, like your mom, questions when you are ready. She would be a great place to start because she knows you and has been through this herself. I’m sure she would fine with talking with you about these things, especially since you have already talked with her about sexuality before in regards to orientation. Take your time with this and go at a pace you are comfortable with; there isn’t any rush or expectations! [Big Grin]

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Dan

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rosie777
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Thank you guys so much. Truly, both of your advices were helpful. i just wish that i was one of those people that seem to have no problem with it, you know? I know that sex is a beautiful, natural thing but i completely agree with you guys that our society does give us mixed messages. Its almost as if somedays i think of sex as a natural thing and im not really uncomfortable with it, whereas other days its the polar opposite.
Posts: 8 | From: New Orleans, LA | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
OWL Dan
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Member # 49077

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Just remember what you are experiencing is normal. Even though, as you said it yourself, there are others who seem to have no problem with it, I’m sure that there are several of them who have just learned to hide it well. [Wink] Your comfort level with your sexuality will increase at the pace that it right for you. [Smile]

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Dan

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rosie777
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Member # 47704

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Thank you, Dan. You were truly a big help [Smile]
Posts: 8 | From: New Orleans, LA | Registered: Jun 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
OWL Dan
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Member # 49077

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You're welcome!

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Dan

Posts: 842 | From: Ohio | Registered: Sep 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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