If you've been around Scarleteen for any length of time, you'll probably have noticed that we hear from a lot of people who are stressed or anxious about sex for some reason (a lot of the time, that stress has to do with risks of STIs or pregnancy, but not always). Frequently, our response boils down to pretty much what Heather said here:
quote:Don't feel comfortable doing a thing?
Then don't do that thing. Not until your feelings change, your situation changes, whatever needs to change for you to not feel not okay doing something.
Often, we have individual conversations where we help someone figure out what they need to be comfortable with having certain kinds of sex, and Ready or Not? The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Checklist is a good place to start figuring this stuff out, but I thought it might be cool to have a space to brainstorm around this too.
So, here we go: what would make sex GOOD for you? Not just not-bad, not just okay or alright, but GOOD? Great, even! What do you need to have/know/do so that when you have sex (any kind of sex) it's enjoyable, pleasurable, no-stress for everyone involved before, during and after?
-------------------- "Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy Posts: 5799 | From: Canada/Australia | Registered: Sep 2004
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I need a respectful and attentive partner. My boyfriend pays attention to all of my verbal AND nonverbal ques, and I feel very safe- we always have a ton of fun! Talking is also super sexy. We talk about what is feeling good, what we would like to try, what we want the other person to try on us if they feel up to it. We even talk about each other's fantasies, and even if it is something we don't actually want to do, we get more horny hearing what makes the other person hot. We also don't stress about what constitutes as the "main event" or "finish," so sometimes we just make out for 10 minutes and call it good, and other times we marathon it until we both finish numerous times. Lots of things make sexy time... sexy!
Posts: 120 | From: Washington State - USA | Registered: Mar 2012
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