Donate Now
We've Moved! Check out our new boards.
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Condom Trouble

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Condom Trouble
Member # 108725

Icon 13 posted      Profile for MrsHaley     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
My fiance and I have been sexually active for about 2 months now. It started unintentionally and we were niave about the whole thing, so we were not using protection. We are long distance at the moment, so we weren't having sex every day or even every week, but we still realize the need for protection, so during our last visit, we talked about it and he went and picked up condoms.
That's where the trouble began. He could not keep an erection while wearing a condom. No matter how "ready to go" he was before, once he put it on, our interlude was finished. It was a very frustrating weekend for both us, to say the least.
I'm no expert, as my fiance is the only man I've ever been with, but I personally thought that the condom was maybe too small/tight? Is that a possibility? If not, what could be other causes? Our next visit is for his birthday and I don't want us to have the same troubles again while we are celebrating his birthday.

Posts: 5 | Registered: Oct 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Robin Lee     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Hi MrsHaley and welcome to Scarleeteen,

It's possible that the condom was too small, though they are supposed to fit snugly. It's also possible that because using the condoms was a new and unfamiliar sensation it interrupted things enough to affect your fiancé's arousal. Sexual arousal isn't static (unchanging) and can be affected by all sorts of things.

I can understand this having been a frustrating experience. Unfortunately, that frustration may have exacerbated the issue, as frustration and sexual arousal rarely go together.

I can't tell you for sure why this happened, or exactly what to do to prevent it from happening again, but it's possible that it was an isolated incident.

If your fiancé wants, he could experiment with different brands of condoms to see if he finds one more comfortable and a better fit than another. He can do this before your next meeting, which can also give him the opportunity to get more comfortable with condoms on his own, without the pressure of a partnered sexual encounter. understand, I'm not saying that you're pressuring him; anything we do is going to feel less stressful when we're on our own versus with someone else. [Smile]

Putting a couple of drops of a water-based lube in the tip of the condom can also help it feel mor comfortable, which may help here.

I'm presuming that when you say you're using condoms as protection, you're wanting to prevent pregnancy. I want to check in with you about whether you and your fiancé are both up-to-date on your STI (sexually transmited infection) testing as STI transmission is also something to consider if you weren't using condoms before. Since you're sexually active, it's time to start getting routine sexual healthcare anyway.

If you're not getting that healthcare right now, do you have a healthcare provider you can make an appointment with?


Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 108725

Icon 1 posted      Profile for MrsHaley     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
We were both virgins when we met, so yes, it is much more about pregnancy, although when we slept together before we were using condoms he never ejaculated inside of me.
SInce we had sex the first time, I have seen my OBGYN, and am clean for all intents and purposes and am thinking about getting on the pill for convenience sake.
I love him, obviously as we are planning our wedding, and have only been with him and plan to only ever be with him, but we need to figure out a way to be safe and practical, until we are married and ready to start a family.

Posts: 5 | Registered: Oct 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 25425

Icon 1 posted      Profile for September     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Good on you for taking charge of your reproductive health, getting a check-up, and looking into protection.

If you need any more pointers on condom use, this article may help: Condom Basics: A User's Manual

And if you'd like to get started on exploroing other options for birth control, you might like this article: Birth Control Bingo!

Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:

Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3