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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Sexual dysfunction no more but 1 problem

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Author Topic: Sexual dysfunction no more but 1 problem
Pixiie
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Member # 53705

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Hello I know you remember me as the girl who thought she had sexual dysfunction because no matter what any of my partners did to please me from fore play to oral sex to actual PV sex I experienced no pleasure or tingles of any kind and that was with 4 different partners. Now I started seeing a guy who is just great it's been a few months when he touches me I feel the tingle and the pleasure and when he gives me oral arc it's amazing but I'm still unable to orgasm or come (are they the same?) it's like I would feel it coming and my body would tense up but then it just disappear its so frustrating. I'm happy that I know my body isn't broken and tht it just took finding the right guy but now I have a new problem please help! Why won't my orgasm just come out ?

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Pixiee

Posts: 59 | From: brooklyn | Registered: Jan 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Hey there, Pixiie, I'm glad that in time you've been able to start experiencing pleasure and enjoying yourself.

While I get that orgasm can feel like a thing that "comes out," it really doesn't work that way. What orgasm primarily is is an involuntary set of reactions in the brain and central nervous system that we feel full-body, including in the genitals. It's a thing that can happen or not happen, but not really "come out" or "stay in."

While it is involuntary, we do typically have to engage in whatever we find, over time, is likely to bring it about, but we also have to kind of emotionally and mentally "let go," in order for it to happen. And if we're super-focused on it, overthinking it, or put a lot of weight on it, then we're not really letting go and it's a lot less likely to happen.

As well, most people when they first start experiencing orgasm do via masturbation, not with partners. That isn't always true, but it most often is, so it might be worth exploring more on your own to see what happens.

It also might take more time than a few months of masturbation or sex with a partner for you to start reaching orgasm, too.

One thing I hear you saying is your body is feeling tense at a certain point: would you say you stop relaxing and enjoying yourself at that point, or are you still relaxed and enjoying yourself?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67076 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Pixiie
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Member # 53705

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So orgasming and ejaculating are two different things? If so then I'm not looking to always orgasm but at least ejaculate (cum) when I don't it like my body hasn't reached its resolution and I still want to keep going and my partner does continue because he as well wants me to come ( not in a pressure way he does not pressure at all he's great). It's like when I'm unable to ejaculate ( cum) it makes me so frustrated because its like I'm so close and then it goes away an I wined up having all this sexual tension built up and I'm frustrated, my partner won't be because he was able to cum but I was not I got really close to where I felt it about to happen and then just like that it disappears. I just want to know why does that happen or how can I just allow my body to release it instead of losing it ,, if that makes any sense?

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Pixiee

Posts: 59 | From: brooklyn | Registered: Jan 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Yes, orgasm and ejaculation are two different things. And for someone with a vagina (not a penis), ejaculating or not isn't going to "build up sexual tension," or have you feel, in your body, resolved or not. Because ejaculating, all by itself, doesn't change what happens with your nervous system at all, while orgasm can.

It might help to also know that female ejaculation not only isn't something that happens with everyone's body at all, but even for those for whom it does happen, it's rarely something that happens every time, by any stretch.

So, how about we first figure out what you're actually asking about here?

Orgasm is a full-body, nervous system event which usually WILL result in people feeling resolved, or, in some ways, "done," and which is something that tends to play a big part in feeling that tension in the body from arousal let go. Orgasm is what often sends messages to the brain via the nervous system for people to relax after they have been very excited: ejaculation doesn't send those messages, and often won't tend to result, for people with vaginas, in feeling "done." In fact, for those who do ejaculate, it most often occurs before orgasm completely, so they'll want to keep doing things sexually and will not feel "done."

When your partner is feeling "done" like that, it's sounding like it is because he reached orgasm.

(Male ejaculation and orgasm are also two separate things, but male ejaculation works a bit differently, and has different physiological results, as it were.)

If what you're looking to feel is that, it sounds to me like it's orgasm you are not experiencing.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 67076 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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