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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Odd comment after sex. Am I taking it the wrong way?

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Author Topic: Odd comment after sex. Am I taking it the wrong way?
thebriner
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I'm a 19 year old female with a 28 year old boyfriend. We have been together for a year and eight months. I was a virgin when we first got together (he wasn't) and in that year and a half period, we've had sex three times. The first time was uncomfortable because I wasn't used to anything being in my lady parts like that. The second time was enjoyable. The third time, which happened today, was uncomfortable to the point of almost being painful. I've never been with anyone but him. My first question is why would it be painful this last time? There was a year and three months between the second and third time we've done anything. Could that play a part in that?
Also, he looked at me at one point and said "I don't think I can do this much longer.." When we were getting dressed afterwards, he said, "You're the only girl that's ever happened with. I get so excited, but once it's happening I think, 'This isn't going to last very long.' It's not a bad thing. Well, it is for you, but not for me." When I asked him what he meant, he ignored my question. It made me feel like I disgusted him or something. Is that a normal reaction or am I just taking it the wrong way?

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Molias
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Hi thebriner, and welcome to Scarleteen.

I'm sorry that your experience today was so uncomfortable. If you haven't seen this article already, I think it's a great place to start: From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse

In terms of the comment your boyfriend made, it sounds like it could have been him talking about how long he felt he could last before ejaculating? But he's really the only person who would know for sure. Maybe that's something you can ask him again.

How's your level of communication in general? I'm a little worried that he's ignoring your questions about things he says, especially since it sounds like you were pretty unsure of his meaning and are worrying about that. But also, clear communication is really important during sex, in order to ensure that it's enjoyable for everyone. Were you letting your boyfriend know about the discomfort you were feeling?

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thebriner
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Our communication is usually really good, but there are moments when it isn't as good as it could and should be. I did tell him about the discomfort. When i I told him, he changed positions and most of the discomfort went away, but not completely.
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Molias
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I'm glad you feel comfortable talking about that discomfort, but it's certainly a good idea to take more of a break, during any sexual activity, to say "ok, that's better but still not feeling great, let's figure this out" so that you are actively enjoying sex, and not just tolerating it.

We have a good article about talking about sex with a partner here: Be a Blabbermouth! The Whats, Whys and Hows of Talking About Sex With a Partner Some of the content here is applicable to communication in all parts of a relationship, not just in regards to sex.

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Meggsy
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I have suffered some discomfort at times and I have been fairly active for some time.
I found it was only when we engaged without foreplay and I was 'dry' in there when penetration hurt.
I would suggest using a lube KY or similar and see how that goes.

Posts: 37 | From: Sydney Australia | Registered: Feb 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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