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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Kink

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Author Topic: Kink
A$AP
Neophyte
Member # 108096

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My boyfriend and I are sexually active and it's starting to get more and more kinky. I fully support the direction this is going. I was just wondering if there is anything I should consider or do before it gets more serious. We picked a safe word system. Is there anything else we should do? Also does anyone have suggestions of fun ways to "spice it up"? We are pretty much down to try anything; we're experimenters!!

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Carpe Diem
Activist
Member # 47124

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Good on ya for already agreeing on your safe word [Smile]

I think just having an open and honest discussion regarding both of your bounderies is something that should fer sure be done before you two hit the sheets (or any other surface [Wink] ) while exploring your kinks.

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"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain."
-Joseph Campbell

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Molias
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I think the key component here is just maintaining a lot of communication, and being really aware of safety issues of anything you try, if applicable.

Have you seen this checklist yet? Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist
It's not explicitly kinky, but I think this sort of format could be helpful for you and your boyfriend to talk through what sort of things you might want to try. And certainly you could modify this sort of document to include things one or both of you might be into.

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Tullia95
Neophyte
Member # 100711

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Theres a few sex position apps I've tried that're free, My boyfriend and I like to try new and different positions often. Also, try to have sex in different places, not just the bed. Or watching porn can give you ideas. I thought that was the most awkward weird thing ever and I had a hard time telling my boyfriend. Then one night I just brought it up and he really liked it. These are just a few of my personal experiences, they may not apply to you. I hope this helps

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Quod in vita facimus est in aeternae resonat

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A$AP
Neophyte
Member # 108096

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My boyfriend and I have very good communication. I think the checklist is great though, and we'll probably go through it! There's also a kink worksheet out on the internets in a google doc that I should go through with him too.

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Jacob at Scarleteen
Scarleteen Volunteer
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If your communication is sound and you're able to stay informed about what ever acts you want to try, I'm sure you'll be quite set.

That said, we can always be better at communication... I don't think there's anything specific about non-mainstream sex that requires different skills than communication and knowledge. Here is a bit of a helper here if you want to become more advanced in the communication department:
http://www.scarleteen.com/article/sexuality/be_a_blabbermouth_the_whys_whats_and_hows_of_talking_about_sex_with_a_partner

It's equally important in all forms of sex to do your research and make sure you and your partner are on the same page about acknowledging sexual health and other risks. It sounds like you're already there.

As per "spicing it up", that sort of advice isn't something we give, especially as I think different stuff can work very differently for different people, and even re-enacting erotic media that looks hot won't necessarily translate into enjoyment... the enjoyment part comes from what we've already spoken about.

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Sam W
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Just to add to Robin's comment about doing your research, it's important to make sure that you are informed on how to explore various kink behaviors safely (or at least with full awareness of the risk involved). For instance, there is a lot of misinformation floating around what is and is not a good idea to use for restraint play (bondage), so finding one or two resources that you know will give you an accurate representation of risks and safety can be good idea
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Cosima
Activist
Member # 108178

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I think as long as you're both communicating and both of you are openly expressing both of your desires about what you like what you don't like and are being safe about it I say have fun!

Also do your research as well to add on what Robin and Sam said whenever you're trying out new things make sure you're research it.


So that way you are both are informed and came make smart and healthy decisions about what you both want to do.


Make sure you go to credible resources that way you can receive accurate information.


As for spicing it up it's not a contest! [Smile] I mean it totally OK to want to try new things.


But sex is not a contest there is no such thing as a wrong way to have sex or the right way to have sex.

The type of sex you want to have is up to you and your partner(s).

Remember what may work for one person does not guarantee it will work for you.

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To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.

— e. e. cummings

Posts: 66 | From: along the east coast | Registered: Aug 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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