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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Blowjobs/oral sex

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Author Topic: Blowjobs/oral sex
Sunday Morning
Activist
Member # 107774

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Not sure if there are any articles about this on here - or if this is the proper place for it - but is there a way to make giving head easier/easier to enjoy?

I have a pretty bad gag reflex. My partner's been patient with me about this and told him it really will take me awhile before I can do this more frequently.

I've done it a few times before - and it was just... unpleasant. I know some people truly enjoy it, but I don't.

What can I do to make it more enjoyable? Should I eat or drink something sweet or incorporate some food aspect so it tastes better to me? I don't know if it's just me. I really don't like giving head.

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Molias
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Honestly, I think the more important thing here is that if you don't enjoy it, that's ok. No one has an obligation to have a kind of sex they aren't into.

I hear you saying that you feel pretty strongly that you don't enjoy oral sex right now, so how about you talk with your boyfriend and just take that off the table entirely? It's really important for any type of sex to be something that everyone involved enjoys, not something that one person's learning to tolerate for the other's sake.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Have you also taken a look at this already?

• Mouthing Off on Oral Sex

As well, you can go to the main site, and put "oral sex" into the search engine. You'll see a lot of information come up.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Sunday Morning
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Thank you very much, I understand.

I honestly did feel guilty at first because he has performed oral sex on me, but I haven't been able to do the same for him.

I will definitely talk to my boyfriend about this more, though, as I shouldn't be doing something I am not comfortable with.

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Heather
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Sounds like you might need this link, too, then, to understand that quid-pro-quo (you did this for me, so I owe you this), isn't a way to have a happy, healthy sex life: Reciprocity, Reloaded

[Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Molias
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I think this article may be a helpful read, in terms of thinking about guilt and obligation around different types of sex: Reciprocity, Reloaded

[edit: Heather and I are clearly mind-melding here!]

[ 07-16-2013, 01:55 PM: Message edited by: Molias ]

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Sunday Morning
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Haha - thank you both so much!
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Obviously, you must REALLY need to read that article. [Razz]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Meggsy
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That article is excellent.
The problem is it is difficult to say no when he is prepared to offer you the same pleasure.
What causes you to gag. Did you take him into your mouth too far and he touched your throat - thats a sure way to gag.You can control that if it is the problem.
From what I believe you are saying is you gag when he ejaculates due to the "taste". I am afraid semen is an aquired taste - once you adjust to it - there wont be a problem.
Practice makes perfect.

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Molias
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Meggsy, one of the reasons we linked that article above is that the idea that it's hard to say no to have some kind of sex with someone when they're excited about something similar with you is really not helpful to a great sexual relationship. So yes, someone might feel this way, but we really want to focus on examining and dismantling that feeling, not reinforcing it.

Also, while there may be ways to get used to unfamiliar feelings during oral sex (or any other kind of sex), again our point here is that no one should feel like they have to find a way to get used to something. It's all right not to enjoy a certain kind of sex, or to take a break from it for a while.

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