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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » anxiety and risks

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Author Topic: anxiety and risks
sweetgreendreams
Neophyte
Member # 103671

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I had (intercourse) sex with my boyfriend about three weeks ago. He used a condom, and I'm on the pill, so I'm not worried about pregnancy risks. A few days later, we had manual sex (first I gave it to him, then he reciprocated). He moved my hand away as he was about to ejaculate and then put the bed sheet between us before he touched me to avoid any "spilling" onto me. So I really doubt that he had ejaculate on his hands when he touched me, or that any got into my vulva. But I can't know for sure.

I've been on the pill for several years and have been pretty good about taking it. However, for a few weeks before we had sex, I was under a lot of stress and was also travelling through time zones, so I missed a pill at least once and took others a few hours later than I normally would have. I got my period as usual and was on the third day of the new pack on the day he fingered me. I took my pill almost immediately after we got out of bed.

I should get my period next week, but I'm on a pill that makes my periods really light (or even disappear), and I've also been stressed out, which always delays my periods.

Is it worth bothering with a pregnancy test? (I'm in a country where they can be hard to find, and I don't speak the language. But I have local friends I can ask for advice.)

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Patricia H
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Hi sweetgreendreams,

It more or less sounds like you've answered your own question as to whether or not you should bother with a pregnancy test.

If you take a look at our resource here, you'll find that manual sex falls under the category of no risk to low risk:

Can I Get Pregnant Or Pass On an STI From That?

The fact that you're on birth control pills makes your risk even lower compared to someone who doesn't take them. I understand you're anxious and worried, but given the stresses you're already under -- travel, stress, the fact that your pills make your periods super light -- adding more of those scary thoughts and feelings to it is not going to make the situation any better.

What will help is if you relax, and take some time to learn what does and doesn't pose a legitimate pregnancy risk.

Would you like some help in learning how to assess low risk from high risk pregnancy risk activities?

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Nolite te bastardes carborundorum. - Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid's Tale

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sweetgreendreams
Neophyte
Member # 103671

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Thanks. A link for risk assessment would be helpful, thanks!
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Molias
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The article Patricia linked to above is a great resource for risk assessment, actually; I think the little visual aids help quite a bit.

I also think this list of things that carry NO Pregnancy Risks can be helpful; if anything you're doing aligns with that list then you know you're in the clear with regards to that particular activity. =)

Also, keep in mind that the "typical use" statistic for birth control pill effectiveness (which includes not always taking it on time/missing the occasional pill) is still 92% effective.

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sweetgreendreams
Neophyte
Member # 103671

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Hi again, I'm on the last day of my placebos (I take only four), and I still haven't seen a period. In the past month I moved to a different country and in general, things have been really stressful. I'm fully aware that this should delay my periods, even though I'm on HBC.

Do you think it's worth getting a test? I'm a little nervous to do so because I don't speak the language here very well yet, and I've never bought a test before.

As I said, I'm pretty sure that the manual sex activity was no risk, but there is a small possibility he could have had fresh semen on his hands between the time he moved mine away, covered the space between us with the bed sheet, and then went to touch me.

Suggestions? I'll be back in my home country in about six weeks and then I can go see a doctor, but a lot could happen before then.

[ 07-10-2013, 12:52 AM: Message edited by: sweetgreendreams ]

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Carpe Diem
Activist
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Given that manual sex causes no risk of pregnancy (which you yourself have articulated) I see no reason to test.

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"Find a place inside where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain."
-Joseph Campbell

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sweetgreendreams
Neophyte
Member # 103671

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Hi, sorry to bother again, but I reached out to my gyno because I still hadn't seen anything. She said that if there's any risk of pregnancy to take a test, but yes, women do miss periods on my type of BC.

I think it would be useful for me to get a test to calm myself down and/or to have on hand in case of any bigger risks in the future.

I'm still in a country where I don't speak the language. You can't easily get tests; you have to queue at the pharmacy for them and then ask. I'm a little nervous. And if I were to have another risk soon, it will be difficult to get an abortion until I can get back to my home country. Any tips for getting over the anxiety and buying a test?

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Redskies
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Are you concerned about how the pharmacist might react, or are your own feelings and anxieties the primary difficulty for you here?

Is there anyone around you who you could ask to support you in this, even go to the pharmacy with you?

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The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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sweetgreendreams
Neophyte
Member # 103671

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A little of each. Also just generally communicating with the pharmacist/others, I guess, though that's what dictionaries are good for.

I know the situation I was in isn't really risky. Even if he did have fresh semen on his hands when he touched me, there was enough of a gap between the time he spent fiddling with the sheets and the time he got to me that it's hard to believe it could have survived (is that a reasonable thing to assume)?

But I can't stop thinking about how it would be difficult for me to get an abortion here. When I get home, I can do it, but it's still scary to think about.

I have some friends here, but I'm not really comfortable discussing my sex life with them. So unless I get over that, I'll have to go myself.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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It might help to bear in mind that when you're buying a pregnancy test, all anyone selling it to you know is you think you might be pregnant, like a lot of people with uteruses will in their lives.

In other words, they can't know how you're feeling about it, what choice you'd want to make if you were, or what situation got you there. All they know is you want to find out if you are, and for a pharmacist, all that really is is a healthcare issue, just like selling someone cold medicine is.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Redskies
Scarleteen Volunteer
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I'm sympathetic to the language issues. Mostly, we just need to do our research for the right vocabulary and take a deep breath and do our best, and accept that we're going to have some muddled or tricky moments.

It seems like you need to choose one thing to manage. You could thoroughly accept that you don't need to worry about pregnancy, or you could manage the discomfort and ask a friend for help, or you could manage your worry about the pharmacy and go yourself. What feels most do-able and best to you?

What's the situation in your country with pharmacists and pregnancy tests? Are they supposed to give a test to anyone who asks, without judgement or criticism, or are they allowed to refuse to serve you or to ask invasive questions?

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The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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sweetgreendreams
Neophyte
Member # 103671

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Heather: I get that. Thanks.

Redskies: I think it's best for me to realize that I'm okay and get a test when I feel more relaxed. That way I have it in case I have a proper scare later.

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