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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » EMBARRASSED! Help?

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Author Topic: EMBARRASSED! Help?
Uber_Jess
Neophyte
Member # 102586

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Whenever I go into the locker room at school or the YMCA other girls make fun of me because I don't shave my around my vagina or butt. It sucks but my boyfriend doesn't mind. But its getting so I am afraid to shower with others. Any advice?
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Onionpie
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Hi Uber_Jess, welcome to Scarleteen, I'm sorry you're experiencing this bullying! That's exactly what this is. You have no reason to be embarrassed. It's the girls who are bullying who should be embarrassed; what they're doing is SO not okay.

Have you talked to any authority figures at school or at the YMCA centre? If you report the bullying to them, they will be able to do something to help protect you from this. Do you feel like that's something you'd be comfortable doing?

[ 02-03-2013, 09:13 PM: Message edited by: Onionpie ]

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Uber_Jess
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Hi. I am too embarrassed to tell anyone at the school or Y. Maybe if I called my big sis Jenna she could talk to them for me I don't know.
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CSandSourpatch
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Hey Uber_Jess,

I am a fellow female with hair. I do shave my bikini line, but for the most part, the pubic hair is there to stay.

I'll admit, it is a little intimidating and/or embarrassing to get even partially naked in front of others because of it, but, at the end of the day, it's just hair. It's not dirty, and it sure as heck isn't ugly. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people who think it is. (Honestly, I prefer the non-shaved look to the shaved look, myself, but I understand that it's not a common view.)

I think part of it is that puberty is a scary thing, and that, somehow, not shaving makes you less "virginal" and therefore less desirable. And yet, everyone gets it, even guys. (So, I guess the other thing is that it's viewed as more masculine.)

Yet, in some cultures, it's rather common that women don't shave. I was in Europe for a while about ten years ago, and, young and American as I was, I was curious as to why the women I saw didn't shave their underarms or bikini lines when we went to public pools. I never really got an answer, but I just sort of became desensitized to seeing it.

Honestly, were I in your situation, I'd be reluctant to speak up, too, but if I did, I'd say something like this: "Why do you care what hair you can't see ninety-nine percent of the time looks like? It's my body and my choice, and if you don't like it, don't look. You're the one who's making it a big deal, you know." If they keep on going, I'd personally remark that it's kind of awkward that they're staring/making a big deal out of something that everyone has to begin with.

With luck, these people will eventually grow out of this. I mean, as a college student, if I'm changing with friends, it doesn't matter. If I'm in a public changing room, I just give this "I just DARE you" look to anyone who looks like they might remark--usually girls younger than I. It doesn't seem like anyone over the age of about 30 really cares anymore. [Razz]

Hopefully, this helps. Pubic hair is not a bad/shameful/scary thing--it's just hair. (Imagine that!) And know that you have many women who stand in solidarity with you, for whatever reason. What you do with it is your choice. How society reacts is all theirs.

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Uber_Jess
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Thanks I will think on that.
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Onionpie
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Also one thing to note is, you don't have to specify what the girls are bullying you about if you do decide to report it [Smile] You can just say that they're bullying you/they're bullying you about your body/etc. Whoever it is you tell don't need to know the exact specifics of what they're bullying you about -- fact is that it's happening, that's all that matters.
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copper86
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Hello, Uber_Jess,

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Shaving of any kind is a personal choice, not an obligatory one, as society often prompts us to think. I shave my pubic hair but I now let it grow a bit before I shave it again, so I kind of switch between the two looks. The girls who bully you are to be pitied. If they want to shave, it is their choice. Why would they care if you don't? You know, there are a lot of guys who like women to be "natural-looking," and I know a few guy friends - 3 at least - who don't care if their girlfriend shaves or not. Think about it this way: if you like yourself the way you are, and your boyfriend does too, don't worry about these girls. You get to do what you want with your own body. And honestly, going natural like that is how we were meant to look, in my opinion. We only shave - again, my opinion - because our society pushes us to think that the bare look is more desirable. If I was a guy, I wouldn't even care, as long as thw girl liked me.

Please don't feel embarrassed. You get to do what you want with your pubic hair. As CSandSourpatch and Onionpie have said, it is only hair; just like the hair you'd find on your head or legs. Take care of it the way you want, and don't care about the opinions of others. I agree with CSandSourpatch: if they look, ask, "why are you looking? Why do you even care? I have the guts and the will to do what I want, and I feel good about it." I can't belive people are still closed-minded about this... It makes me mad. I have a girl friend who doesn't shave at all in the winter. It really shouldn't matter!

I hope you feel better soon. Be yourself, and that is all that matters!

--------------------
"I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can)

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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In the meantime Jess -- and this comes from someone who didn't shave anything at all during a time in some shared locker rooms way back when and took some crap -- while you decide what to do about reporting this or asking for help, generally, with any kind of teasing or bullying, if we do our best NOT to react, it tends to help dial things back.

People teasing are looking to get an emotional reaction from us: when we refuse to give them one (when we can: obviously sometimes we will cry or react because we've just been worn down, what can we do), they don't tend to enjoy themselves so much anymore.

So, just going on about your business, no quips back, no tears, etc. if you can manage it? Usually helps bullies get bored faster and move unto someone else.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Uber_Jess
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Thanks for all your help everyone.
Posts: 24 | From: USA | Registered: Jan 2013  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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