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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Alot of sex questions from an awkward guy...

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Author Topic: Alot of sex questions from an awkward guy...
AwkwardVirgin
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Ok, so I am nearing 18 and have gone to an all boys school since yr 7 and have not really had much experience with girls (unless you count tutoring). These questions have bugged me and sometimes have plagued me since I was 14 but highschool and video games got in the way. Now that I have left and graduated year 12 these questions have come back and kind of haunted me, so I would really appreciate some answers, preferably from both male and females.

I also don't really know who to talk to about these things. Talking to my parents and friends would be awkward, and my teachers weren't sex-ed teachers.

Does penis length matter?( I know, alot of men have asked this, but I need to ask as well...although I heard that as long as you are average you are fine, but I also heard from friends that something like 30% of women care?) I am 5-5.5 inches...is that normal?

Does penis girth matter?(Contrary to length, I have heard that girth matters alot, something to do with the nerve endings being pressured and touched more or something.) I am around 4 inches in this department...is that normal?

What is the average penis size including length and girth? I have looked this up prior, but I could always use more sources of information...

How would I make up for it if it turns out my size is not...up to par...? A huge dildo? Sex techniques?

Do penis enhancements work?

How long should pure intercourse last? I heard for most men it was between 2-5 minutes? I heard most women want at least 15 minutes...

How long should sex including foreplay last? I heard that most women want between 30mins-1 hour.

How to last longer? Any techniques?

Where do I find and what kind of sex techniques are there? In case, I don't measure up...

How much sex do girls want, and how often?

I have phimosis...how do I deal with that? I heard you need to get circumcised, but because the tip of my penis is too sensitive when I touch it, would it cause
massive pain and discomfort...or make me cum to quickly? I also heard of steroid creams, and that they help. I always thought that it would correct itself between the age of 20-25 but apparently it was meant to be gone between the ages of 15-18...

How to give oral to a girl?

What is the definition of foreplay to begin with?

How long should masturbation last? I tend to be between 5-20 minutes...

How many times should I be doing it per day?

How many times is 'normal?' I usually do it twice or thrice a day...

I started to think about having sex since I first heard about when I was 7...is that normal? And when I mean start thinking about it, I mean't I started thinking about sex erotically and sexual since the age of 7...I didn't start masturbating until I was 14 or 15 though...

When I first started masturbating and watching porn, it would get hard super quick and fast, and it would often hurt until I was done. However over a period of 2-3
years, although I am mentally excited and feel horny physically, my penis doesn't get hard very fast...or very hard...I often have to rub it until it gets a hard and
even then, until I am near orgasm it isn't as hard as before...what happened and how do I fix this?

From a rather nervous and awkward individual...Thanks in advance.

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Karybu
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Welcome to Scarleteen. [Smile]

There are a lot of questions here, so if I miss something, I apologise in advance!

First up: penis size. Does it matter? The short answer is no. Do some people have preferences? Sure, in the same way that some people are more attracted to red hair or broad shoulders or freckles, but those preferences generally don't make or break a sexual or romantic relationship. Ultimately, having good sex that's enjoyable for everyone involved is about waaaaaaaaay more than the size of anyone's genitals. When you're with a partner you're attracted to and communicate with, the size of anything is pretty irrelevant, really. (And if you ever are with a partner who has an issue with the size of your penis, that's not an indication that you need to "make up" for anything, that's a good indication that that person is not ready to be sexual with anyone else, and they're not a great partner for you.) For what it's worth, average penis size is somewhere between 5 and 6 inches, but it's important to remember that "average" and "normal" are so not the same thing, and again, whatever size you are is totally fine. And no, penis enhancements do not work. There's a really good rundown here of why, exactly, spending more than a millisecond thinking about the size of your genitals just isn't really worth it: Vagzilla! (Or, All Genitals Great and Small) (The section on penis size starts about halfway down.)

Per your questions about how long should intercourse last and what do most women want, really, there's so much variation in what people want and enjoy that there isn't one general answer to that. For many guys, from the beginning of intercourse to orgasm and/or ejaculation is somewhere in the range of 2-5 minutes, but sometimes it's longer or shorter and sometimes you'll have intercourse and then switch activities for awhile and then go back to having intercourse and maybe nobody orgasms but you still have fun and some days you might not want intercourse at all and....get my drift? Intercourse is absolutely not the only form of "real" sex there is, and separating it from foreplay like you're doing isn't really a useful distinction. Sex is so much more than penis-in-vagina intercourse (for more on that see this piece: What's Sex?) and as long as everyone's enjoying themselves, communicating, and doing what feels good, that's all that really matters. Plus, what people want and what feels good can vary hugely from day to day and person to person, and the only "technique" you really need is asking your partner what feels good for them and telling them what you like. Seriously. Worrying about how long this or that type of sex should last is more a buzzkill than anything. (That will likely become more clear when you actually start having partnered sex - things tend to flow pretty organically from activity to activity, sometimes because maybe someone gets a leg cramp or that position isn't as comfortable as it was yesterday or you thought you wanted oral but really you're in the mood for a handjob instead, that kind of thing. It's not as effortless or seamless as it looks in the movies, but no one's keeping one eye on the stopwatch near the bed, either.)

In terms of how to give someone oral sex, again, that's something that depends on the people involved, and all the technique advice in the world can't replace experimentation and talking to your partner. Honestly, when it comes to sexuality, the only general rule is really that....general rules are pretty useless because we are all so different.

The same thing goes for masturbation. However long it lasts for you, however you do it, however often, that's cool. As long as it doesn't interfere with the rest of your life - like, you're not skipping other activities to masturbate - it's all good. (Ditto with thinking about sex, and how old you were; people tend to forget that we're sexual beings our whole lives. Sexuality doesn't just switch on at puberty, it's there in some form or another for the whole of our lives.) What you're describing with the changes in how long it takes you to get an erection, that's completely ok too. Our bodies don't just respond the same way all the time, and they keep changing over our lifetime, not just during puberty, so you'll likely notice minor changes like this happening over the years. If you're concerned, you can check in with a healthcare provider, but it's very likely that there's nothing that needs fixing.

One thing I would advise you to check in with a healthcare provider about is your phimosis. Circumcision is not the only treatment, and if you're not having any pain or other issues (such as difficulty cleaning under the foreskin) then you may not need treatment at all, but it's a good idea to have it looked at just to make sure.

*phew* That's a lot of information, and again, if I missed something, please let me know! I think having a look around the main site would also likely help you out a whole lot; you can use the search function in the upper right corner to find what you're looking for. There are literally thousands of pages of information there, so have a poke around and if you still have questions, come on back. [Smile]

--------------------
"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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AwkwardVirgin
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Holy hell, that was comprehensive, much more so than the other sites I have visited. So essentially, I worry more than the average person, gotta calm down, and experiment and gain experience. Ok, well that's a relief.

Thank you [Big Grin]

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AwkwardVirgin
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Also, alot of times when I masturbate, after I ejaculate, I keep having this feeling like, I am not done, or I didn't fully ejaculate, and still remain horny...like there is still something remaining in the top part of my penis (I forgot the part under the foreskin), almost like I want to piss (except I don't piss).

Is this normal? Because I just remain horny and 15 minutes late, I'm at it again...

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Karybu
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Glad to be of help. [Smile]

Per not feeling "done" after ejaculation, there's nothing wrong with that. It could be that you're ejaculating and not orgasming (most people aren't aware that while those two things usually happen together, they don't always) or it could just be that your refractory period - the time it takes for people with penises to get aroused again after an orgasm - is pretty short. Either way, I don't hear that there's any cause for concern, unless you're in pain or discomfort, in which case it's something to ask a doctor about.

--------------------
"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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AwkwardVirgin
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Ah ok, well that is a relief, just sometimes annoying. Thanks! So in other words, with the exception of the phimosis issue, I am pretty normal,
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Karybu
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Well, "normal" is a very broad term, especially when it comes to sexuality, but I don't think you have anything to be concerned about. [Smile]

--------------------
"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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