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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Masturbation Rut

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Author Topic: Masturbation Rut
Ohana626
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Hey everyone, I've got a bit of a dilemma, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind helping me out (:

I've been masturbating for years now. When I was younger I would masturbate without any particular outside stimulus( I would read comics until I felt myself climaxing and then just focus on that feeling), and as I got older I started masturbating to certain things that turned me on (watching things doesn't work for me, but reading does. I always read now when I masturbate). It used to be stories about tickling (I have a tickle fetish, so that's where that came from), but over the past year and a half or so I've been masturbating to stories about bladder/pee desperation (I have a fetish for that too). The thing is that although I am interested in eventual tickling scenarios with a partner as part of foreplay/general sexytimes, I'm not really interested in actively practicing pee holding or anything like that, but stories about it really turn me on. It has come to the point now that I can't get off unless I read about bladder holding.
(I get seriously turned on when I'm tickled, but reading about it doesn't work anymore).

I can get very turned on from reading tickling stories or certain "smut" fanfictions as they are the main things that I'd like to participate in with a partner. I can't, however, masturbate to them. They turn me on, but I can't maintain that after I start touching myself. I can only get off when reading pee holding stories.

The problem is that I don't want to have to rely on that anymore...I want to be able to masturbate to the other things I mentioned that turned me on. But I'm not sure how to make this switch...maybe practicing or something like that?

If anyone has any tips, I'd really appreciate it. I hope what I said above makes sense, but if something isn't clear please let me know and I'll clarify! Thanks(:

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Robin Lee
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How does it work for you if you imagine things, versus reading about them?

Can you maybe also say more about why you aren't comfortable with the way things are right now?

--------------------
Robin

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Ohana626
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Hey, thanks for responding! [Smile]

Imagining things isn't as strong as reading, but I can get mildly aroused from just my imagination.

The reason I'm not too happy with how things are now is because..I was reading something that aroused me (smut fanfiction) but when I tried to masturbate I couldn't get aroused enough to climax (whereas I can always climax to bladder desperation stuff). I don't want to have to rely on the bladder desperation stuff. I was disappointed that the fanfiction couldn't help me enough to climax.

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Jacob at Scarleteen
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When you say you don't want to rely on it, do you mean you don't want to be turned on by and would prefer something more mainstream, or that you might loose this as a source of stimulation?

In and of itself I'd say there's nothing inherently problematic about masturbating to whatever you want to, and for there to be big or varying differences between what turns you on for masturbation, sex with other people, or general fantasies.

But there are maybe different things that can be changing about you than what stimulus you like, and changes if, how and when you're motivated to masturbate. Are you thinking about these things or experimenting physically?

For example you say you try to masturbate and try to get aroused, it feels worth me asking why masturbate if you're not aroused (in my definition, arousal is the feeling of wanting to masturbate, maybe that's different for you)?... It can be fun to get yourself aroused etc, but incase you feel otherwise I'll remind you that it's not an obligation, you get to not do it if it feels like a chore! The same goes for orgasm, I don't know how you're experiencing your desire for orgasm, but a parallel experience for many people masturbating is to enjoy it without orgasm.

Those are just things to think about but I totally understand if they don't resonate with you.

I also had an idea. It feels like in some way or other you're definitely inspired to develop your relationship to the texts that excite you, so I wondered if you've considered writing some? It can be a lot more concrete than pure imagination, as you've said that doesn't work for you... but differently to reading, your use of different parts of your self and mind and sexuality can actually instinctively evolve your relationship to your fetishes in a different way. Have you tried it? Has it helped or felt free-er to be doing something opportunity to creatively evolve?

[ 01-19-2013, 07:52 PM: Message edited by: Jacob at Scarleteen ]

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Ohana626
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Hey Jacob,
So I really only masturbate when I'm feeling some level of arousal beforehand. (Once in awhile I masturbate he ause I want to feel aroused, but that's not often enough to be worth putting into this conversation I don't think). And although I don't mind masturbating to bladder desperation, it feels frustrating that that's all it seems that can help me reach climax. For instance, the other night I was reading material that aroused me, but when I started masturbating to said material I wasn't able to maintain my arousal/climax. Ilthat bithered me because i wanted to be able to masturbate to that text. Should I have began reading bladder desperation material at that point, however, I would have been able to orgasm.

I have thought about writing m own material, actually. I'm not the best writer so that deters me, but if I was writin just for me I don't think I'd have to worry so much about quality for other readers you know? So writing my own stuff is a really good idea.

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Jacob at Scarleteen
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Definitely! You could even use it to marry the reliable bladder-desperation-material to the other material you're reading.

As you say it doesn't matter if it's going to win a book prize if it's working for you!

(As a side note: your writing here sounds just fine, and also, if you get into writing, you'll develop, improve and learn by doing it!)

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Ohana626
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Yeah, I think I'll do that, ahh I'm excited just thinking about it. Thanks!

I have another question, if that's okay. I know it's different for different people, but can there be a difference between what one likes when masturbating and what one would like to do with a partner? For instance, bladder desperation is good when I masturbate, but I wouldn't want to do it with a partner. I want to have tickling/what the characters in the fanfiction read do. (which is why I wanted to be able to masturbate to it, but I'm coming to realize that I might be able to climax to those things if performed with a future partner ya know?).

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Jacob at Scarleteen
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Yep, in fact I think it's more often the case that there is that difference between those two sides of a sexuality.

For me it's different too.

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Ohana626
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Okay, that's good to know. I was kind of worried that if I could only masturbate to one thing then I wouldn't be able to climax with a partner.
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Molias
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I think it's fairly common (or at least not unknown) for people to have things they fantasize about that they might want to explore with a partner and some things that they are only interested in exploring in a private/masturbatory way. So if you're having feelings along those lines, that's not unusual at all. I certainly have some things I like to fantasize about when masturbating but am not at all interested in exploring with a partner, and other things that I am interested in both when it's just me and when someone else would be involved.

I do hear you on thinking you're "relying" on one particular fantasy more than you want; I have had a similar thought before but find that dwelling on that too much turns masturbation, which I use to relax, into an account-keeping activity where I try to make sure I'm not thinking about any one thing too much and it kind of ruins the experience for me. So my goal now is not to worry about those things I fantasize about, even if they aren't things I want to explore in the rest of my sexual life.
For myself I do find that sex with a partner feels different enough that I'm not in the same frame of mind that I am when masturbating; I don't know if it is or will be the case for you, but I wouldn't worry about your habits carrying over entirely into partnered sex.

I think Jacob's idea of trying your hand at writing stories that involve various elements you enjoy is a good one! Even if you don't think you're a great writer, you'll only get better with practice, and you can combine all the elements you enjoy in other stories.

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Ohana626
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Hey Molias,
Thanks for replying, and thanks for that information. I feel better about all this now haha.

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