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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Getting Married... Still Virgin.. Need Advice...

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Author Topic: Getting Married... Still Virgin.. Need Advice...
Ram
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Member # 101879

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I am getting married... never had sex ever... Need help... after marriage... to become her pregnant one time sexual intercourse would be enough or it has to be repetitive. If one time is enough then after can I go for oral sex as and when we both want with condom. How many attempts required to become her pregnant and how long we can enjoy oral sex during pregnancy? Please Help [Frown]
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Hey there, Ram.

Sounds like you would probably benefit, if for no other reason that your own emotional comfort, from some good sex education. You can certainly spend time on the main site, but I'd also be happy to suggest some articles here and then some books if you'd like.

Most people are not going to become pregnant from having intercourse once, especially if it's not timed with their fertility to the letter. Even then it often won't happen. In one year of unprotected intercourse, 80-90% of people who can become pregnant will, so we know that in a year, pregnancy is likely. But by all means, most likely intercourse needs to occur quite a few times before pregnancy occurs, =even when someone is charting fertility and having intercourse when they know or suspect they are most fertile.

It's generally safe to have any kind of sex during pregnancy so long as it's what the pregnant person also wants, and any adjustments are made that need to be for that person, like positions that are most comfortable for them.

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Ram
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Hi Heather,

Thank you so much for your reply!!

I would really appreciate if you could suggest me some articles and books as mentioned.

The 2nd paragraph what you have written is indeed helpful.. it has given me good understanding so far..

I will be looking forward to your response.

Sorry for this late reply.

Regards,
Ram

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Ram
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Member # 101879

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Hi Heather,

My few questions...

1. Is that mean... I can go for sexual intercourse as & when we both want.. and keep doing it until she say that she is now pregnant..?

2. Oral sex we can do after 1st delivery...?

3. What I understand by Fertility is when she is in her periods and bear some health problems every month when she is bleeding... at that time there is less probability of getting pregnant if we do... but if we do when she is not in her periods then there is more chance / or sure of getting pregnant...


Regards,

Ram

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Jacob at Scarleteen
Scarleteen Volunteer
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Hey Ram,

There's nothing about being pregnant or giving birth that means one shouldn't engage in oral sex after either of those. What can often change, however, is what you or your partner enjoy or want. The only way to find this out is to listen to eachother and to do what we can to make eachother comfortable enough to express our wants to eachother.

I can also say that bleeding and/or feeling unwell once a month i.e. monthly periods are just one part of a cycle which lasts atound 28 days. Fertility changes throughout that cycle.

Sex, different types of it and pregnancy and having children are all things which you and your partner can decide to do when you like. So we can't tell you when you should do what.

It sounds like you're dealing with a number of expectations and asking us questions about what more is expected from you sexually.

Instead, what might be useful is to open up yourself to considering the options you have. There are more than one answer to so many of life's questions and often the answers for you need to come from you.

You've not said much about your partner or the marriage, but if you don't feel ready for it and you have an opportunity to question or delay the marriage it might be worth considering that. In many communities that there isn't such an opportunity, but if so it could be an opportunity to do more reading and start your sex life and your partners' sex life (whoever they may be) in a much more prepared way.

If then you do you find yourself marrying and in a position to begin a sex life, then again, apart from what you might think expectations may be, are there any reasons you can't take it slower and not start to try having sex unless you and your partner feel ready?

And if this becomes the case are there reasons you expect a need to have children right away? Wouldn't it be possible to do those things only if or when you and your partner feel ready and wanting it?

I'd also add finally that while I have spoken about the expectations you're feeling I think it's extremely important to remember that entering into a marriage with another person we may easily also find ourselves having placed heavy expectations on our partner, especially if they've already been experiencing those pressures until now.

As much as I think it's important to take as many of these expectations off yourself as you can, it's important that you try to do the same with the expectations you may have of her, if it is something you think is happening too.

We have some great articles on the menstrual cycle (it could explain periods and fertility):

On the Rag: A guide to menstruation

... on communication in relationships:

Be a Blabermouth: The Whys, Whats and Hows of talking about sex with a partner

... and about readiness for sexual activities

Ready or Not: The Scarleteen Sex Readiness Check-list

I'm sure Heather will have more reading to add to this list.

[ 01-14-2013, 08:09 AM: Message edited by: Jacob at Scarleteen ]

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Ram
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Member # 101879

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Hi Jacob,

Indeed... A great help!! I truly respect and appreciate that you gave your time writing this much for me... [Smile]

Thank you so much... I am in mid of reading the articles and would ask if something came into my mind.


Regards,
Ram

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