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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » A masturbation "issue."

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Author Topic: A masturbation "issue."
border356
Neophyte
Member # 101478

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I only recently started to be able to finger myself. Up until now, I couldn't "get in" but then I got lube and it made things a lot easier. My problem is, I can't get in very far. Not even to the first joint in my fingers. It doesn't really hurt, it just feels like there's a 'wall' or something. If I use two fingers I can get in until I can feel almost two dips inside of me (they almost feel like holes) and because I'm so new to this, I don't know what those are or what to do. Do I just push through? I'm only in like half an inch so this can't be my cervix, right? My boyfriend wants me to be able to get in deeper. He really wants me to hit my g-spot. I just can't seem to go any further or stretch more. It's really starting to frustrate me!
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Are we talking about masturbation that's for you, when you're alone?

Or is this about masturbation with your boyfriend?

I'm a bit confused because it sounds like we're talking about your own masturbation, and if so, I'm not sure why your boyfriend is asking for you to do things HE wants with something that's not for him, but for you?

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Onionpie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 41699

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Hi border, welcome to Scarleteen.

First of all -- you say your boyfriend wants you to get in deeper and "hit your g-spot". But this is about you and your body. To be frank, this is none of his business! Your masturbation should be about what you want to do and what you find enjoyable, so I really advise putting aside anything your boyfriend wants you to do, and you could even tell him to hold back on his input around your masturbation. So focus on doing things that YOU find enjoyable. That's what masturbation is all about!

So, with that aside, have you been making sure that you're really aroused when you're masturbating? When you're aroused, your cervix pulls back and your vagina kind of "tents" at the back, and also becomes easier (and more comfortable) to enter. So if you haven't been really aroused before attempting to use your fingers in your vagina, that might be something you want to try. Also, most people find that vaginal stimulation isn't really all-that unless they're pairing it up with other kinds of stimulation -- like to the clitoral shaft, nipples, labia, etc. So if you've also been focusing primarily on just getting your fingers into your vagina, it might be a good idea to focus your masturbation on other areas of your body.

I'll also say that the g-spot isn't some magic button that gets "hit" and BLAMMO MAJOR AWESOME ORGASM. Some people find stimulating it to be really enjoyable while others find it pretty "meh". But on top of that, if you're not aroused -- even for a person whose g-spot DOES bring pleasure/potential orgasm -- touching it won't be all-that, either. Just like with the clitoris, for example, if you're not in the headspace and aren't aroused, touching it won't really do much in the way of pleasure.

So I think the place for you to start is focus on being really aroused before you get into masturbating, putting aside any expectations your boyfriend might have of you, and instead focus on what brings YOU pleasure. Here's an article I think would be great for you to read:
With Pleasure: A View of Whole Sexual Anatomy for Every Body

And in case you haven't seen it already, there's this one too:
How Do You Masturbate?

As for what it is you're feeling when you insert your fingers into your vagina, it may be your cervix, or part of your vaginal wall, but none of us here can really be sure. We have an article on anatomy of the vulva and vagina that may be able to help you figure out what it is:
Innies & Outies: The Vagina, Clitoris, Uterus and More

And also always remember that it is totally awesome to grab a mirror and take a look if you want to know for sure what's goin' on with your vulva. Your vulva is a part of your body like any other bit, and knowing your whole body is a great idea. So if you want, you can always do that too.

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border356
Neophyte
Member # 101478

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Yes, Heather, I meant masturbation on my own. I'm in an LDR and we haven't met face to face yet. I also want in deeper though, and want to find my g-spot.

So it might be an arousal thing?
Sometimes I'm not very aroused, but I have an orgasm anyway. I do pair the fingering with clitoral stimulation. It feels good, I just get frustrated I can't get in any further. And then I get a little less turned on because I'm frustrated.

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Onionpie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 41699

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Well getting frustrated will definitely be playing a part in this, as, like you said, it'll lower your arousal. So, how about for now you make masturbation all and only about what you really enjoy; don't have any goals of getting your fingers a certain way into your vagina or anything. Focus on just being aroused and figuring out what feels good for you. What do you think about that?

Have you looked at any of the articles I linked you to yet?

I think this might also be a good one for you to read:
Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide

Also, is there any particular reason you want to or feel it's necessary for you to be able to get your fingers further into your vagina, which might be what's making you get frustrated when you can't?

[ 01-03-2013, 09:13 PM: Message edited by: Onionpie ]

Posts: 1311 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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