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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » The Big One

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Author Topic: The Big One
Christopher McCandless
Member # 100610

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Here's the story. My girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year. We are very much in love and have what I think to be an excellent sex life. We try new positions, have a lot of fun, and each session lasts a very decent amount of time. The only trouble is, she has never had an orgasm during penetration. I have no trouble at all getter her off through manual and oral stimulation, and am sure to make her orgasm each time we have sex. Recently, she's been worrying as to why she cannot have an orgasm without oral or manual stimulation. According to her, "all of her friends" can do it and it happens to them quite frequently. She is getting very upset about it and I fear that it may possibly hurt our sex life. I am very confused as to what to do; I have tried several new positions and read all sorts of content as to ways to bring about an orgasm during penetration. I feel my size and stamina is more than adequate.

Any ideas,tips would be greatly appreciated.

Posts: 3 | From: The World | Registered: Nov 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 95598

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I could swear I saw this exact question elsewhere. Serious deja vu, here...

Anyway, there's nothing wrong with your girlfriend. If I recall correctly, the majority of women don't orgasm from penetration alone, and there's nothing wrong with them. Nor is there anything wrong with you, I should add.

I'm pretty sure I've also seen research (though I'm not sure how reliable it is) that younger women often simply have a harder time reaching orgasm. Again, not sure why or how, or if this even is correct, but believe me when I say your girlfriend is NOT the only one, no matter how much her friends may insist otherwise.

Honestly, worrying doesn't help. Stress is a pretty huge mood-killer. As a female, any time I've tried to engage in any sexual activity with something worrying on the brain, it's felt bland at best and downright not good at all at the worst. In other words, stress makes any pleasure even more difficult to achieve.

Me? I'm spotty, but as long as my partner and I are both enjoying what we're doing, it doesn't matter to me--it still feels really, really good. Sometimes, for whatever reason, nothing works. For as much as it's hypes, orgasm really isn't the be-all-end-all of sexual activity in general. Feeling that connection with my partner is, for me, at least, the most important part of any sexual activity. That it feels good physically is just sort of a bonus for me.

So, my advice for both of you, in a nutshell, is this: Take it easy, take it slow, take it however you like it--just try not to worry about reaching orgasm. Instead, focus on feeling good and making each other feel good in general. There is no "magic trick" to get any women to orgasm, no matter what anyone tells you, and being unable to reach orgasm does not make a woman inferior to others, nor does it mean she will never reach orgasm from penetration.

[ 11-25-2012, 11:47 AM: Message edited by: CSandSourpatch ]

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Member # 95598

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[Sorry for the double post! My internet is freaking out left and right at the moment!]

[ 11-25-2012, 10:26 AM: Message edited by: CSandSourpatch ]

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Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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It's deja vu because this user double-posted. The other post and answer is here: [Smile]

(Just for future reference, Christopher, we ask in our user registration agreement for users not to duplicate the same post in multiple areas of the board. If you want a post from one area moved to another to get a greater diversity of replies, just let us know, and we're always happy to do that for you. Thanks!)

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Scarleteen Volunteer
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CSandSourpatch is right: more women don't orgasm from penetration alone than do.

There's nothing wrong with that at all - it's just how some people's bodies work and respond. Most of the vagina itself isn't all that sensitive to pin-point touch in the same way that the vulva and clitoris is for most people. I'd compare sensation in the vagina with sensation on one's back: we can feel that it's being touched, and it can be really sensitive and it might feel really nice or not nice, but we can't usually tell how many fingers someone's touching us with. Women who enjoy penetrative vaginal sex are more likely to enjoy a general feeling of fullness rather than any specific sparks (though human variation is pretty much endless, and some folk do experience those sparks, many don't).

There's nothing wrong with you or your girlfriend if she doesn't orgasm from penetration. If her friends say they do, then those friends might be unrepresentative of women generally, or they might be lying. There can be a lot of pressure from society generally that women "should" orgasm from this kind of sex, that it's the "best" or "real" sex, and that's just not true. Real sex is whatever people are enjoying. If your girlfriend orgasms from other kinds of sex, that's great. Does she enjoy penetrative sex? Plenty of women enjoy the feeling of it but just don't orgasm from it, as it doesn't quite do what their body needs to give them an orgasm. A few women simply don't enjoy the feeling of penetration. If your girlfriend generally likes the feeling of penetration and would like to orgasm during it, one possibility is you or her giving her manual stimulation during penetration.

Your girlfriend really has no need to worry. Do you think she'll be able to accept that, or might she benefit from finding out for herself that there's nothing unusual about her, for example, from resources on this site?

Here's a link to a response to a question that might help both you and your girlfriend out. There's a lot of people who have this kind of question - your girlfriend is far from the only one.

(Edit - oops, crossed with Heather. I don't suppose it does any harm to leave it up.)

[ 11-25-2012, 12:18 PM: Message edited by: Redskies ]

The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

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