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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » is it wrong to be a sex addict?

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Author Topic: is it wrong to be a sex addict?
Member # 96428

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is it wrong to be a sex addict?
like i mean i think about sex alot and also i
watch porn when i can and want sex often and see people and think in my head I would have sex with them if sex was offered.
is that wrong

Posts: 12 | From: UK | Registered: Aug 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Well, to start with, we don't talk about sex in terms of addiction, as addiction usually has a physical component (as with drug addiction, for example, where your body becomes dependent on a substance).

So, in the field of sexuality studies, the word that we use, if we talk about this concept at all, is sexual compusion. A compulsion usually is a behavior that you feel compelled to engage in. That is, you feel the need to do it even if it causes you harm, and you do not feel in control of that desire.

That means that there is also no set amount of sex or sexual thoughts you can have before it becomes sexual compusion. It is not how much sex you have or how often you think about it, but whether you feel like these thoughts/actions are controlling you and your life and are getting in the way of your daily life.

Watching porn and fantasizing about sex, in and of itself, isn't a sign of anything other than the fact that you like to watch porn and fantasize about people.

Do you feel comfortable with your actions and fantasies? Do you feel like you can push them aside easily and still life your daily life?

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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

Posts: 9192 | From: Cologne, Germany | Registered: Sep 2005  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Executive Director & Founder
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And to make it even more clear: do you feel like you are able to control yourself sexually, rather than doing sexual things even when you don't really want to or are trying very hard not to?

Because, really, that's where the line is around sexual compulsivity (and what some people call sexual addition).

It should probably also be added that in the teens and twenties, that is most commonly a time of a lot of sexual development and of sex and sexuality taking up a lot of real estate in people's minds and lives. It doesn't always, but it's awfully typical. A lot of young people lately seem to be confusing that very common phase in life with sexual addiction.

Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Heather, I just wanted to say that that's an interesting comment that gives me something to think about, I'm aware of the general thing of there being a lot of people who talk about sex addiction/compulsion when they're really referring to just what could be termed "having a healthy interest in sex" (not that there's anything wrong with being asexual, rather that IF you are interested in sex, that interest can be either healthy or unhealthy) and things like masturbating, watching porn or not waiting until marriage to have sex, none of which are indications of compulsion for the majority of people, none of which are wrong, and which are things that people often have conflicted feelings about as a result of societal/religious guilt tripping rather than because those things are genuinely unwanted by that person - ie there's a difference between an actual compulsion and doing something you have some guilt feelings around but still enjoy and benefit from in ways that mean that it would not be beneficial for you to give that thing up, even if it might be beneficial to take a step back from it for a while to work through the guilt for some people...

...(I hope the above paragraph vaguely made sense) but I'd kind of forgotten or not quite connected the factor of people transitioning from childhood to adulthood being tricked into thinking that their sexual development and thus probably increased interest in sex and desire for it are a compulsion, I can see how that would be a way of manipulating and controlling teenagers and young people, kind of like how so many kids are shamed out of masturbating and then when they start feeling a strong urge to do it in their teens they have to unlearn all that shaming and end up feeling like they've "lost their childhood innocence" when it's really more like they're starting to overcome the repression of their sexuality in childhood - ie in an ideal world children would not be shamed or punished for this so the transition would feel a lot less jarring as they wouldn't have had to shut away their sensuality/sexuality for a few years inbetween the explorations of infancy and their teenage years.

Always knock before entering my room when I am in there alone, as I may be doing all sorts of wonderfully thrilling things that I'd rather you didn't see.

Posts: 840 | From: UK | Registered: Dec 2008  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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