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Author Topic: Pain!
owlchip
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Hello, i hope this is in the roght part of the forum!
I am a 17 year old girl and I have been going out with my boyfriend, who is also 17, for just over a year now. We've been tryin to have sex for months, but it just isn't working. Every time he tries I feel horrible stinging pain. It seems Impossible for him to get it in past the head. We've tried using lubricant and it didn't help. Before he tries and we have done foreplay he can fit a few fingers inside of me, but after he tries it becomes almos impossible to fit one. I am not sure what is happening but it's upsetting me, I want to have sex with him but I just can't. [Frown] . What could this be?
I am a very anxious person, and I am sort of frightened about going to my GP about this. A few years ago I was in an abusive relationship and I am very nervous around people except those closest to me. The idea of the GP- almost a stranger- seeing my ladybits scares me. But if this sounds like a medical problem I guess I'll just have to be brave. Is this something I could overcome on my own?
My boyfriend doesn't seem to mind, he just stops and hugs me, he would never want to hurt me, but I feel like a failure and I don't want to anymore.

Posts: 4 | From: UK | Registered: Oct 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
September
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Welcome to Scarleteen, owlchip!

Have you ever received any gynecological care? If not, that's a good place to start. It is not very likely that there is a medical cause for this, but it is a good idea to rule that out for sure. Also, it is recommended that you start your annual check-ups once you are sexually active.

My next question would be whether you have ever received any counseling to process the abusive relationship you were in? Abusive relationships can affect us in lots of ways, even years later, so it's a good possibility that this may be connected to the pain you are experiencing now.

There are lots of other things that can be at play here, as well, so I am going to link you to an article that covers them in depth. Maybe you can read through it, and then come back here so we can talk about the relevant parts together.
From OW! to WOW! Demystifying Painful Intercourse

[ 10-25-2012, 03:10 AM: Message edited by: September ]

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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owlchip
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No, I haven't. I am a bit scared though. I went to the doctor for the pill, they didn't seem to think I needed checkups until i was 18, but I guess I should try to go and get this checked soon. I'm not sure what to say to them.
I went to the school counsellor, who didn't seem to think I needed counselling. I told her about my ex hiring me an threatening me, but not about the sexual abuse. I didn't feel comfortable talking about it, I was scared. I am not sure where to go to recieve counselling other than my school.
Thank you, I will read the article now

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September
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A good rule of thumb is that you'll want to start your regular gynecological check-ups one you become sexually active, or are around 21. So, since you are sexually active now, you might as well get started.

Here's an article that should ease some of your worries:
Your First Gynecologist Visit

I am sorry to hear that your school counselor was not helpful to you. We can help you find some other counseling options near you. Why don't you let us know your area code, and we'll take a look around? If you are not comfortable posting it here, you can also let us know privately via the "contact us" button.

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Johanna
Scarleteen Volunteer

"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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Robin Lee
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Hello owlchip,

Since you are sexually active now, starting gynecological care is important. Did you tell your doctor you were engaging in intercourse with your partner when you went to get the pill prescribed?

I know that it's scary to think of having a doctor examine you. What do you think would help you feel less anxious about that?

From what you describe, it sounds like your vaginal muscles are clenching when you and your boyfriend start intercourse. Just like muscles clenching in the rest of the body, this can be from fear or nervousness.

I would suggest, for now, that you and your boyfriend only do the sexual activities that make both of you feel comfortable and good. What do you think?

Have you been able to tell anyone about the sexual abuse in your previous relationship--your boyfriend, a friend, a family member? How do you think it would be to go back to your school counsellor and tell her about that?

There are also places that offer counselling specifically to people who have experienced sexual abuse. Here is one organization that offers those services, and also has a free, confidential hotline you can call to talk to someone.

http://www.rapecrisis.org.uk/

How can we best support and help you right now?

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Robin

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owlchip
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Hello.
When I went to the doctor I told him I was going to have sex, my boyfriend even came with me and we also asked him about condoms and things like that. All he did was ask me a few questions abou t my health and my family's health history and he took my blood pressure. he didn't really mention a body exam.
I guess I'll have to go along to the doctor and get one. I just don't want people near my genitals unless I want them to if that makes sense? I don't know, I'm just nervous, I know they are trained and professional and nothing bad will happen. I'm a worrier.
My boyfriend knows about what happened in my previous relationship, I was scared to tell my parents about it (and I still am) and the friends I had at the time stopped talking to me after it happened...
Thanks for the link, I have found an email for my local rape crisis center, I am going to get in contact.

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Robin Lee
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I'm so sorry to hear your friends stopped talking to you after you were in that abusive relationship. Do you want to talk at all about what happened there?

I absolutely hear you on not wanting anyone near your genitals unless you want them there. In case it would help, I'm including a link to an article about what happens during a gynecological exam:
Your First Gynecologist Visit

What do you think about taking a break from attempting intercourse for now and focussing on sexual activities that make both you and your partner feel good, not scared or worried or in pain?

best of luck with contacting the rape crisis center.

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Robin

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owlchip
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Member # 98060

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It's okay, they weren't very good friends. I have much better ones now [Big Grin]
I am reading the article just now. It seems this will be a quick thing, though i probably can't help but feeling nervous. My period (withdrawl bleed.. thing) is due very soon though, I finished my sheet of pills yesterday. Will I have to wait until its over?
We will do that [Smile] That's usually what we do when I feel pain, we do something else instead that won't hurt.
I'm sure they will be able to help me out, thanks a lot [Smile]

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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Yes, it's best to get an exam when one is not having their bleed. So, when you get your withdrawal bleed you can make an appointment for when you know it will be finished.

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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