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Author Topic: I'd like some advice, please =)
Dementia
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Member # 97187

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Well, I've been with my boyfriend for five months now, We're not allowed any form of sexual contact etc until we're 15 (both in January) But he's highly keen for this when the time comes, and my parents are giving us contraception. It's not that i'm not looking forward to this or don't want to, it's just that I know he wants to have anal, and this is where my worry starts.

I've been bullied all of my life, to the point I was taken from school and home-educated,so I have really low self esteem.
It's not my body, or any fear like that. It's just that.. Well.. Its my ***. It has it's function, and I can only feel for about 2 inches in it, so if, say, he stuck it right in, what if he like... well.. got traces of fecal matter on his penis?? I mean i'd be so embarrassed... And I have no idea if guys are aware of this and/or care? I know it's a kind of disgusting thought but I really need to know if anyone here has done this and whether this happened/the guy noticed or cared about it if it did happen?

My boyfriend and I normally are completely fine with each other's bodies (we've snuck around rules a bit, we've both given each other oral and manual, but there has been nothing with a chance of pregnancy in it yet which is why my parents are making us wait till we're 15 anyway) and we're both new to this, neither of us have ever had other partners or any form of sexual contact (or even a kiss...) before each other. I mean, he's happy enough to stick his tongue into my vaginal fluid, but I'm not sure about how he'd react, although he's very forgiving with me so I wouldnt know, but it might ruin the moment, if it even matters?

I'd like some knowledge on this matter shed to me please, if that's ok.

Additional:
I'm a girl, and I am completely ok with the idea besides that.
I don't really want our age judging upon, I feel comfortable with the idea aside from the one worry and so does he.

-Lily x

Posts: 24 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
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HI Lily,

We make it a practice not to judge here based on people's age or sexual intrests. [Smile]

Okay, so there are a few things here. You're feeling nervous about this, which says to me that it's something you really need to talk with your boyfriend about. Fecal matter does come out of the anus, though it's not stored there but is stored up in the colon. So, just as when someone interacts with a vagina they're going to encounter vaginal fluids, and just as when someone kisses someone they're going to encounter saliva, and possibly tears or even snot from someone's nose, if someone interacts with someone else's anus, there is a likelihood that they will, at some point, encounter some fecal matter. You wouldn't be unique in this at all, so I think you're well within your rights to talk with your boyfriend about your concerns and ask him how he feels about this.

Does that sounds like something you can do?


You also mention wondering what would happen if he "stuck it right in". Anal sex is something that's really pleasurable for some people, take-it-or-leave-it for some, and not at all okay for others. But the one thing that never makes it okay for anyone is for someone to just stick a penis or anything else inside without some preparation.

So, two things:

1. If you don't end up liking anal sex, you don't have to do it and, just as with liking or not liking any other forms of sex, there's nothing wrong with you for that.

2. When you and your boyfriend have that talk about what worries you around this, I think it would be a good idea for you to read these articles together so you're both prepared:

Anal Sex Lowdown


Anal Sex: No Different?

Anal Sex, Spermicides, Lube and the Best Expert of All

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Dementia
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Member # 97187

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Hi Robin,
I will try to talk to him when the situation arises, though it will probably take a lot of patience on his part, I normally stutter a lot and try to change the subject when I get nervous..

And I guess I messed up my words a bit there, what I meant when I said 'stuck it all in' is that I'm very tiny. I'm the smallest in my year and the year below (I have no idea why, I have no physical distortion or problem, I'm just really little) so I'm that skinny one that if I hug a girl, my face is in her chest (unfortunate for both parties. My boyfriend is about average height for a 14 year old guy, and he has a pretty large penis in my opinion. I was referring to the fact that as I am very small, and he's not small, if we were to have anal sex his anatomy to mine is going to be a bit of a tangle and we have yet to establish how we will go about this.

I also forgot to mention that he has fingered me anally already, and I enjoyed this, but the only lubricant I have at current is olive oil (I did post a question before about alternative lubricants when parents are a pest, as I rarely self-lubricate and I get small cuts down there from a lack of lubrication) we cannot get hold of real lubricant or condoms until we are 15..

I'll attempt to have this talk with him at the weekend, as it is our half term holiday and so we'll get plenty of alone time to talk about this kind of stuff.

Thank you for the reply by the way, I read the articles, and they gave me a bit more information on these things =)

--------------------
<3 ~Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning to dance through the rain~

Posts: 24 | From: UK | Registered: Sep 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
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HI There,

When you're talking about the size difference between you and your boyfriend, are you concerned about the difference in heights, or whether he'll be able to fit his penis into yoru anus. If you're concerned about the latter, know that everyone's anus is small, it takes time and patience to penetrate an anus for anyone of any size. It's just an anatomical thing.

The anus is not self-lubricating so using a lubricant is a must! You'll also want to use extra lubricant, not just what comes on lubricated condoms.

And it's a good idea for you two to talk about this before you're going to engage in the sexual activity. It might even take a few conversations, as there's a lot to talk over in terms of sharing your feelings, working out practicalities, etc. It's also good to give yourself extra time and opportunities for multiple conversations since you do get nervous. [Smile]

Do you feel like you have a good handle on how to start a conversation like this with him, or would you like to talk about that?

--------------------
Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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