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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Female Sterilization

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Author Topic: Female Sterilization
csutter1
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Member # 97483

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Hello everyone,
I am brand new to this forum and I am looking for some feedback/advice regarding female sterilization.
I am currently a 20-year-old student. I live with my boyfriend of 3 years and I am seriously considering getting my "tubes tied".
Please understand that I am very serious about this decision and I am NOT worried about regretting it later. I know lots of people who claim that they will never have kids, because of this reason or that reason, but I can nearly guarantee all of them will have families one day. I am different. I absolutely HATE children. I am disgusted and petrified of babies and CANNOT STAND toddlers. Preteens make me want to live under a rock for the rest of my life and teenagers are out of control. I don't think children are "cute" or "innocent" or "fun". I am just not programmed to want or like kids.
My boyfriend and I have discussed this long and hard and we are both on the same page about children, although I think that he will one day want children where I am 100% sure, at 20-years-old that I do not and will not want children. I have discussed getting sterilized with him, but he always shuts it down.
I have tried MANY other birth control methods and I am at my wits end with all of these pills, injections and other contraptions. I can't remember and don't trust pills or the ring, I hate, don't trust and don't like the interruptions that condoms and diaphragms cause! The shot made me gain 30 pounds over 6 months time. The arm implant has given me horrendous acne and has made my appetite go CRAZY, I DO NOT like or trust the IUD's they have out. I know way too many people who have had them and have gotten pregnant. I am so paranoid about getting pregnant that I regularly take pregnancy tests even while on birth control. I am looking for something effective and permanent. I am so freaking sick of hormones that give me all kinds of crazy side effects!!
I have done my time and research and have yet to find something that I can happily live with. That is why sterilization sounds like my best option as of right now.
My question for you is what do you think I should do? I don't know how to handle this situation with my boyfriend, but I am desperate to find a solution to this problem. If you have any ideas and/or advice, I'd love to hear it. But please don't preach to me about children and how my outlook will probably change, or that I am being selfish. I have thought about this long and hard and have taken the time to do my research. Right now I am just looking for support/feedback.
Thanks in advance for reading this CRAZY LONG post and sharing any of your thoughts! I really, truly do appreciate it!

Posts: 4 | From: Wisconsin | Registered: Sep 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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We're going to ask that no one here talks about hating any broad group of people -- children, teenagers, a given gender, a given race, etc. -- okay? It just doesn't make for a safe space for our diverse community, and a space that's safe for everyone is really important to us.

No one here needs to convince us of what they want in terms of not reproducing: we're going to take everyone at their word, regardless of their age. We know full well not everyone wants children, and don't think anyone should have to make some kind of compelling argument about why not. This should be a choice for all of us.

While it sounds like you might have some information about some methods, what method you think is best for you is also something we're going to support when you tell us it's the method you want.

In terms of your boyfriend, can I perhaps ask why you're looking for his approval on this? I know that maybe sounds like a strange question, but I'm assuming you've made your strong feelings about not wanting to parent clear to him already, so he's got to know that if he wants kids, he's not with the right partner. If he does know how you feel, do you feel like he's hoping you change your mind, and thinking if you get a tubal, you can't? Or.....?

Too, this is obviously a choice about the rest of your whole life, a life that most likely isn't going to be spent with the person who's your boyfriend at 20. It's possible, sure, but statistically unlikely.

[ 09-23-2012, 01:44 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
csutter1
Neophyte
Member # 97483

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I'm honestly not sure why he is so hard pressed to talk to me about getting a tubal. We usually don't even get very far into the discussion because as soon as I say sterilization he says it's not a good decision. It may be because he's hoping that I change my mind, or is worried that I will want kids later on in life, but just not right now. I'm honestly not sure. I'm to the point of just getting it done without getting his feedback either way. It technically shouldn't matter later on in life because the kid issue should never arise. But it feels wrong not being 100% open and honest with him about me having it done. Everything we do is always together. We make team decisions and support each other, so I would want him to support me with this decision.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Have you said some of what you just said here to him?

In other words, you need him to accept that kids are off the table for you (and I'd suggest adding to that that if he wants them, you accept that, too, he's just got to know it's not going to be something he can do with you, because you don't). You also need him to accept that you want a tubal and will get one if you can, and would really like his support in that.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
csutter1
Neophyte
Member # 97483

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No I haven't stated it that blatantly to him, although he does know that kids are off the table for us in this relationship and he has accepted that fully. I'm just unsure of his reasoning why he's opposed to me going through a tubal. I honestly think he's worried I'll change my mind one day and regret doing it. I don't think it's because he secretly wants kids, I think it's more out of concern for my well-being than anything else. However, I think stating it in a more serious way would get my point across better than before.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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I'd say you should try having a conversation that way, then see where this goes.

I'd hope you're with someone who respects that you know your own mind, but you can certainly also ask him very directly what his concerns about this are. It sounds like you've been having to guess, and there shouldn't be any need for you to do that. If he objects so strenuously, he likely knows why.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
csutter1
Neophyte
Member # 97483

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Well it all turned out to be no big deal! I sat him down and told him I wanted to seriously discuss the matter. He is 100% supportive and I have an Essure consult on October 12th.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well rock the heck ON!

So glad to hear that went so well: what a wonderful surprise!

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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