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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Haven't yet had an orgasm!

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Author Topic: Haven't yet had an orgasm!
aphroditeeva
Neophyte
Member # 95020

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hey, Scarleteen.

i remember when i was in my teens, that i was browsing your sites, back when it was black and white, and red, i believe... and i was so grateful that there was a resource for someone like me, who wasn't taught much as an adolescent. so, thank you. appreciative. <3

now, onto my question.

i still haven't had an orgasm yet -- i am in my mid 20's --, and i've been going through your posts, many of which have been helpful. i am sexually active, and i have been having sex for six years... i have been masturbating since i was a teenager, which is where your website came in. [Smile] here's what happens.

i touch myself, and many times i get really close (and i've noticed this mostly happens with a partner, and less with myself... i'm still learning to trust myself and my body), straight up to that plateau phase... and i feel so intense, like i'm about to burst... but then i just don't come. or, i should say, i haven't yet, because it feels so imminent! but the issue is that it feels so uncomfortable and ticklish that i feel i must pull away. which is frustrating, because i do know that i'm supposed to tell them to keep going.... [Roll Eyes] [Smile] but sometimes, it's just too intense to keep going... i know about the vasocongestion and the myotonia and the Kegels (which i can implement when i'm in the beginning stages of masturbating, but it kind of falls to the wayside when i'm almost there to orgasm ~ i still do it, but it isn't as easy to feel)... i should say that i have felt so disappointed with it that i probably have set myself up to fail. i really want to, but i think i can say also that i feel like i'm scared to do it. scared to have an orgasm. which sounds ridiculous, but at this point, maybe it's the safer choice not to. (boooo, safe choices.)

now, when i'm alone -- which i many times prefer, because i get to feel myself, alone, and really be with myself -- i try to take care to pleasure myself and make sure i'm just feeling good. but i have to say, i don't as often get to the extremely uncomfortable/ticklish part (maybe because i'm not letting myself...)... i do feel really good... but after some point, i just kind of stop, i think. i want to keep going. i know i want to do this alone the first time. i know and feel i can. something just tells me i can. and then i just... don't. it is psychological at this point, and about letting go, and trusting myself... and not being afraid of going over the edge. i have been reading Betty Dodson's website (what a woman!), and i have a vibrator. but i also really like my hand...

do you have any tips on how to just let go? i want to do this so bad, and i do realize the stress that comes from TRYING and ATTEMPTING. perhaps i received some result for so long that i just told myself that i can't, somewhere. well, i want to change that. i can do this... have any help? i'm masturbating regularly, and i really fully love it and appreciate it. i just would appreciate having an orgasm as well. so much.

and also, do you have any tips for when i do get to that extremely uncomfortable/ticklish space? i should mention that it's *not* painful, in the normal sense of the word. (although, i am tight, so sex can be painful, but lube helps) it is more of an intense, intense feeling. i'm almost afraid to go beyond it. is that weird?

okay, ONE more thing. i have also noticed that when i touch myself, sometimes it feels like my clitoris disappears, which is just as well, because that's probably what's causing the intense, ticklish feeling. and i know it's because it does this in the Plateau phase... but how do i move past this as well?

these questions have been a long time coming, so thank you for reading this and responding to it. [Smile] i appreciate your website... thank you for providing all kinds of people with sexual knowledge, information, and education...

E

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Captain Troy Handsome
Neophyte
Member # 93689

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Oh. My. God. I am experiencing something extremely similar. I used to be orgasmic, but seem to have lost the ability to have a good orgasm. I have nothing to add beyond the fact that I am so very thankful that I'm not alone in this. I was beginning to think I was broken! I hope that someone with advice can come along soon.

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Hello, I'm Captain Troy Handsome of International Rescue. Please state the nature of your emergency.

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aphroditeeva
Neophyte
Member # 95020

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<3

-- E

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Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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Hi There,

Neither of you is alone in this, nor are you broken. It's more common than one might think for folks to not reach orgasm, or to find that they don't reach orgasm consistently, whether it's day to day, or actual periods in their lives in which orgasm just seems to elude them.

aphroditeeva: I'm wondering what you do when it becomes too intense or ticklish. Do you, for example, stop completely, or change activities? If you stop, what happens to the sexual feelings. That is, do they just simmer down and go away? It's not uncommon for the clitoris to get ticklish with intense arousal, and sometimes, for some people, changing the activity so stimulation isn't so direct can help until the ticklishness dies down. The clitoris is actually a complex set of nerves, not just the little bundle of nerves that is visible.


Innies & Outies: The Vagina, Clitoris, Uterus and More

And yes, Betty Dodson is pretty awesome!


I imagine you've read this article from our sight, but just in case you haven't:

Sexual Response & Orgasm: A Users Guide

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Robin

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aphroditeeva
Neophyte
Member # 95020

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Hi, Robin!

thank you for answering. [Smile] yes, i do mostly stop when it gets that uncomfortable. but i think i would benefit from just keeping going. sometimes, my sexual energy just drops completely, and i can't feel it anymore. or, i have to stop for a minute before i can start back up again.

i'll have to work on changing the stimulation.

i have read your website's article, but i'm going to take another look at it!

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aphroditeeva
Neophyte
Member # 95020

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i'm still figuring this whole thing out...
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audio.repeat
Neophyte
Member # 86967

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I'm in the same boat Aphroditeeva... :\ I'm glad i'm not the only one. Because alot of the time it feels that way..my friends talk about there weekend adventures and how amazing sex is and how they had an amazing orgasm (yeah i have very open friends)...and I just sit there and nod my head and smile and pretend like i'm not extremely jealous!

also! I get the intense ticklish sensation also, and I never knew what to do except to stop...... Hope you find some good information, and if so don't hesitate to reply on this thread and share it with me...I will do the same [Smile]

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audio.repeat
Neophyte
Member # 86967

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Wow I posted that a year ago... and guess what? Still having troubles... my sex life is horribly disappointing. I've been with the same guy for almost 3 years and I can't freakin orgasm with him .. I feel like giving up. Its just too frustrating and depressing.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Well, want to check in about what's been going on?

For instance, how are things when we're talking about masturbation? And when it comes to sex with this guy, despite not reaching orgasm, are you enjoying yourself a lot? Are things ever feeling really, really good, emotionally and physically?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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