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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » But what on earth do they mean?

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Author Topic: But what on earth do they mean?
Member # 96496

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Hi everyone!

I have a question – more a thought, really – that I hoped some people here could give me some insight on.

It has to do with the idea of vaginal "tightness", which is a topic I've noticed has been talked about extensively on this site. I've read up all I can and it's great information, but it doesn't really cover this; my question isn't about the anatomy, but rather about people's beliefs and ideas about it.

Because, as clear as the facts make it that sexual activity doesn't alter the state of the vagina in any permanent way, I still keep coming across sexually active people who talk as if it does. People say things like, "You're so tight, when's the last time you had sex?", or, "It's been a year since I slept with someone last, I hope the pain won't be too bad." And this doesn't make sense to me. What do they mean when they say this? (This is also more or less exclusively about penis-in-vagina intercourse, I should add.)

The bottom line is that I'm really confused by what it is exactly people mean when they talk about being "tight" this way. Since penetration does not "loosen up" the vagina and then keeps it in that state unless you stop maintaining it, what it is that they're experiencing that makes them say these things? I'd really appreciate some input on this because it just keeps cropping up and I don't like being confused =)

Thanks so much!

[ 08-14-2012, 08:36 AM: Message edited by: ptero ]

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moonlight bouncing off water
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Well as you're saying the vagina is a muscle. So when people describe being or feeling "tight" what is really the case is that they are not relaxed, and so the muscles aren't relaxed. But it is nothing like having to have lots of sex to "loosen" the vagina, this simply isn't how it works. It is really just about how relaxed a person is in that instant. Have you ever heard someone say "wow you're really tense" when massaging someone's shoulders, meaning that the muscles were not at all relaxed? Same principle.


I am ME and that is the only label I need.

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Robin Lee
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When people talk about being tight, or worrying that it will hurt if they haven't engaged in intercourse in a while, essentially they're working off of stereotypes. There' (in general) little general knowledge out there about genital anatomy, or about the mechanics of sex, so people fall back on cultural beliefs that don't have a lot to do with reality. As to why they don't figure out that these cultural beliefs don't hold true, I think that's fairly individual; that is, not all people believe the same things for the same reasons. A couple of things that come to mind though are the psychosomatic patterns you mentioned--the mind can have a powerful impact on the body--and a lack of awareness that in order to promote the lubrication and expansion of the vagina, being physically aroused is necessary. In other words, some people rush into penis-in-vagina intercourse out of habit or pattern, without taking the time to become more aroused.


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Member # 96496

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I suppose that's pretty much what I thought then... I'm sorry for taking up time and space with such a general question, but I guess it's just hard for me to believe that some false beliefs are so deeply ingrained that even experiences that should completely disprove them don't have much of an effect, you know? But I guess that's where sex ed comes in =)

Thanks a lot for taking the time to answer, though – I really appreciate it.

[ 08-14-2012, 08:37 AM: Message edited by: ptero ]

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Member # 96496

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By the way, I realized I might have sounded a bit judgmental, as if I couldn't possibly understand why people were so daft that they couldn't see what was obviously right in front of them. That wasn't at all my intention, and I'm sorry if it came across that way.

I just found it quite distressing that I could see this pattern from different directions that was based on something I knew to be false, and so I thought that maybe I could ask somebody about it. In hindsight, though, maybe the 'why' of that isn't a question that anybody can really answer.

But sites like yours help inform people everyday so hopefully people will hold fewer false beliefs in the future. =)

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