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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » I Cant Orgasm through Sex!

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Author Topic: I Cant Orgasm through Sex!
Member # 96428

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Hello I am struggleing to have an orgasm through sex! am Male and when we have sex I just cant seem to orgasm.
I have only done it when I have loads of hand releif before and then just when I am ready she jumps onto me and then I climax but I want to do it with out loads of hand relief I want to do it normally just by sex.
I can orgasm when i masturbate
We have tryed a few diffirent condoms and some of them seem to work better but still struggling any one got any ideas how We can do this?

[ 08-04-2012, 06:57 AM: Message edited by: superstars ]

Posts: 12 | From: UK | Registered: Aug 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
moonlight bouncing off water
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Hey superstars, welcome to Scarleteen!

What kind of sex are you talking about here? Sometimes people say sex and they mean vaginal intercourse, but this isn't the only kind of sex there is there's also manual sex, oral sex and much, much more. Did you know that masturbation is also sex? I'm telling you this because intercourse is often presented as being the only kind of sex, it is assumed to be what is meant when someone says "sex" and anything else is presented as being lesser.

Not everyone will experience orgasm from one particular sexual act. I'm assuming that by hand reliefs you mean manual sex? This can be a sexual act all in and of itself, you don't need to do this as a prelude to any kind of sex. There is no "normal" way for someone to reach orgasm, so you don't have to worry about being normal.

When you are partaking in "sex" (whichever act you've defined as that) how do you feel? Are you turned on and eager to partake in this act? Do you feel ready for it? Do you enjoy it? Or are you bogged down by the sense that you should be enjoying it?

You can choose to answer as many of those questions as you'd like ir none of them. I think it's just a good starting point from which to start this discussion. I also suggest that you take a look around the main site at the different articles, they are very helpful and informative and totally non-judgemental. I or someone else can also post you links to some of those articles if you can tell us a little bit more about the information you're looking for.

EDIT oh yeah, please note that Scarleteen is severly understaffed at the moment so if it takes a long time for a response to any response you give, it's not that you're being ignored, simply that no one has been able to get back to you yet.

[ 08-04-2012, 08:57 AM: Message edited by: moonlight bouncing off water ]


I am ME and that is the only label I need.

Posts: 864 | From: Ontario, Canada | Registered: Oct 2009  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Member # 96428

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Oh Hello and thanks and yes I do mean that I can have an orgasm during masturbation as you put it (Manual Sex) but I am struggling with Vaginal Sex (How I would like to climax by vaginal penetration only inside the vagina) I find that I do enjoy sex all types that of sex that I have. But this problem does bog me down some times so I would like to get it sorted out. I do however try not to focus too much on the issue and try to go and enjoy sex without thinking to much about the outcome and enjoy the sex regardless of how it works out in the end.
But deep down I feel that it is bad and I feel that it could effect future relationships and woman wont really want to be around for very long and I feel that I would get dropped if the problem was to continue as most woman wouldn’t like this or want a man who cant cum so it would be nice to try and sort this issue out. Like I said before I have cum inside the vagina a few times but that was with a lot of pre manual sex and then going inside just before I was ready to climax.

Posts: 12 | From: UK | Registered: Aug 2012  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
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Hi, superstars.

I wonder if you knew that not all people with penises orgasm during intercourse? If you enjoy sex generally, and are able to orgasm during or immediately after other sexual activities, there's no physical problem with your body, the way it responds sexually, or the way you as a whole work sexually. From the things we hear generally about sex, it can often sound like Everyone with a penis Always orgasms from intercourse, but that's not true, because in reality, human experience and reaction to sex is much more varied than that. There isn't a single sexual activity which makes all people respond the same, or which all people even like or respond to at all.

I'd say that you've already done very well in finding your own solution: you engage in a kind of sex that Does bring you very close to orgasm, and then you switch to intercourse. That creates a situation where you are able to orgasm during intercourse.

I do hear very clearly that this is something that's really bothering you, and we can absolutely talk about that, if you like. I would start by asking you a few things: first, why do you yourself feel that not orgasming during intercourse is bad or a problem, and why is it important to you to orgasm only from vaginal stimulation? Second, why do you think that women wouldn't like it or would drop you because of it?

The kyriarchy usually assumes that I am the kind of woman of whom it would approve. I have a peculiar kind of fun showing it just how much I am not.

Posts: 1786 | From: Europe | Registered: Sep 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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