My boyfriend and I have been daing for a little over 2 years, we do everything together and I feel 100% comfortable around him. We have had sex many times but I have never been sexually stimulated during vaginal sex and have never experienced an orgasm, this strains our sex life and really upsets me. The last time we had sex I started crying, I was so embarrassed and upset that I couldn't orgasm. He stopped and comforted me but I told him to finish up because it wouldn't be fair to him if we stopped in the middle of it. He came (in a condom) and it was over. He comforted me and told me we didn't have to have sex if I wasn't comfortable. But I am comfortable I get so horny and I want to have sex with him so bad but it just doesn't feel good. I'm only 16 and my mom said I can't orgasm because I'm so young. What can I do to help
Posts: 2 | From: Ohio | Registered: Jul 2012
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A basic question: do you do other kinds of sex besides intercourse, and how do you feel during that? The majority of women can't come from intercourse alone (without added clit stimulation), so I don't see anything strange there... Also, the idea that our bodies have to perform up to these strict and unrealistic rules, otherwise they fail at being female (?) is so unfair for us.
Orgasms shouldn't be like a test. But I totally understand where you got the idea from.
So, I get that intercourse in itself is not working that well. What works? Do you masturbate? How does that go? How do other kinds of sex feel to you, besides intercourse?
Also, it's nice that you have a mum who can accept the fact that you have sex, and I remember reading that (maybe) orgasms tend to get stronger with time, but it's also about confidence, not just the biology, and also is not a hard-set rule. There are plenty of young women managing to get orgasms.
Posts: 118 | From: hungary | Registered: Mar 2010
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HI Gabby14 and welcome to Scarleteen.
First of all, as naplement said, it's not actually very common for women to orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone. There aren't a lot of nerve endings beyond the first two inches inside the vaginal opening and intercourse tends not to be able to provide the type of stimulation that most women find give them sexual pleasure. This is a biological thing; there is nothing whatsoever wrong with you.
There is also nothing wrong with you needing to stop during intercourse for any reason, be it emotional upset, physical discomfort, or something else. There are always options for both partners to fill their own or eah other's needs in other ways if they have to stop in the middle of doing *any* sexual activity. It's very generous of you to want to make sure your boyfriend is sexually satisfied, but it sounds to me like what *you* needed at that point was to stop and to be comforted. It's absolutely okay for you to put your own needs first sometimes, okay?
Have you ever had an orgasm through other sexual activity, either on your own or with your partner? I'm glad that you can talk to your Mom about this, and while many people do find that their sexual experiences grow and change over time, your age alone isn't a reason that you aren't having orgasms. This isn't to say that there's something wrong with you, only that orgasm is something possible for you. I'm going to give you some links to some articles from our site; they'll explain in greater detail why many women don't orgasm from vaginal intercourse alone, and will talk more generally about sexual pleasure and anatomy. I hope that you will take the time to read a few of these. WE can discuss any of this in greater detail and we're always open to questions.
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