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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Anal Sex, Period, and Pill

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Author Topic: Anal Sex, Period, and Pill
copper86
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This is the third day of my wirhdrawal bleed; and my partner and I engaged in anal sex. He did not ejaculate (I would have felt it); and he told me he hadn't come when I asked him if he had. I haven't missed a pill in ages, so I'm not really concerned about pregnancy... I'm just wondering this: if my partner had any pre-cum, would he have felt or seen it? This might be too much information; but we were outside and he was using his phone to see what he was doing. He also urinated at least twice before we started. I was also wondering how the birth control pill still protects you from pregnancy during your placebo week (that has always baffled me). Thank you so much!

[ 05-30-2012, 10:40 PM: Message edited by: copper86 ]

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"I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can)

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Robin Lee
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HI There,

For your last question, take a look at this, but the quick answer is that you are still protected. [Smile]

How do birth control pills really work, even during the placebo period?

As to whether your partner would have seen or felt his pre-ejaculate, I'm not sure what you're asking here, as if someone with a penis is engaging in sexual activity that involves their penis it's fair to say that most will secrete some pre-ejaculate at some point.

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Robin

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copper86
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Thank you so much for your response! I'll look at the article! I also urinated and changed my tampon when I got back.

My partner doesn't ejaculate very often; so I was wondering if pre-ejaculate was similar and if he could see it while he was doing the activity. I know pre-ejaculate can contain some semen; but I'm assuming the count would have been lower since he had urinated. Thank you for always being so helpful!

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"I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can)

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copper86
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I am aware that my pill stops me from ovulating (and even if I do, I know the mucous and uterine lining help to make implantation difficult for sperm); and I've been trying to do research on ovulation just for curiosity's sake and for my sanity, and I can't believe the outpour of information that's contradicting. Some medical sites say 14 days (assuming you have a 28 day cycle) or you halve your cycle to get the days you may be ovulating; and others say that sometimes you can ovulate during or after your period, or 12-16 days before. Your article "On the Rag" was helpful, but I'm just wondering what your take on ovulation was. I know it's different for everone, especially if their cycles were irregular; but how "irregular" is irregular?

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"I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can)

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Heather
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Really, when it comes to the regularity or irregularity of ovulation, versus menstruation, you'd have to ask someone who works in fertility that question. That's really to whom it would be relevant, and personally, not working in that field, I don't feel able to answer that question.

However, it is a given that when someone ovulates, and how often, varies among people quite widely. There are some averages and common threads -- for instance, on average, most people who ovulate usually do between around day 11 and day 17 of their cycles, and most people who ovulate do only do so once in a cycle -- but like most things with bodies, there is also a lot of deviation.

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Heather
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And just so it's clear, your risks with unprotected -- per lack of a condom -- anal sex are most substantially STI risks in the first place, not pregnancy risks. Pregnancy via that kind of sex is possible, but not likely, whereas STI transmission from that kind of sex is both possible and likely.

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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copper86
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Thank you so much! I don't mean to take up so much of your time! Thank you for your input. I am aware that STI's pose bigger risks with anal sex; and would like to talk with my partner about using a condom for that, as well. When I had asked him if he had ejaculated, he had said "no;" and when I had said that he could if he had a condom on, he embarrassed me a little by saying that ejaculation into the anus wasn't a pregnancy risk. I knew that; but I would like to use a condom for that kind of sex, just for extra protection on both fronts (STI's and pregnancy). I just feel nervous to bring it up.

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"I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can)

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Heather
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Well, he was also only kind of right.

Ejaculate can run down for the anus to the vaginal opening pretty easily, since they're so close by, and also since so many receptive partners are on their knees during anal intercourse. It's way less likely for a pregnancy to occur that way, since that'd be indirect, but it is still possible.

But the risk of STIs and other infections with unprotected anal sex is very, very high.

Why do you feel nervous to insist on a condom to offer you both that protection?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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copper86
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Your paragraph about the ejaculate travelling down to the vaginal opening was exactly what I meant when I had asked him about ejaculating.

To be entirely honest, my partner and I have been together off and on for two years; and have been engaging in anal sex this way for almost a year. I went for a pap smear and no vaginal infections were found; and they took a blood sample but never phoned me to return (I couldn't return because I had left university at that point, but they didn't call for me to have a follow-up appointment).

But other than that, my reason for being nervous is because, since we've been doing things like this for a while, I'm nervous to all of a sudden ask for him to use a condom. He seems to feel as if there is no need to; and I want to trust him, but I am a paranoid person by default. I'm even afraid that he might be mad at me for asking if he had ejaculated during anal sex (he's not an unreasonable person at all, but I'm always nervous that something I say or do might upset him).

This probably sounds extremely foolish, and I feel stupid writing it.

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"I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can)

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Heather
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Let's put things like "stupid" away, okay?

And his STI screens have been all clear, too (assuming you were screened for STIs with that exam: did you ask for screenings?), and you're both in a monogamous relationship -- one that has been so for at least six months with a clear STI screen for both of you very recently -- you're as close to 100% sure is?

If so, then bacterial infections are the main risk. (If he's never even been tested, then all bets are off, and not testing positive for infections so far, if you've been tested, doesn't mean you won't get them as this goes on, or that you may not have acquired something already that hasn't shown up yet.)

But at the same time, choosing to engage in sex with someone where you don't feel able to change things when you need to -- or when you know you weren't making sound choices before -- is problematic, and that right there suggests a need for some big talks to me. Same goes with feeling you can't say things that might upset a partner: that suggests a dynamic in your relationship that's not healthy.

Hopefully he knows, like I'd hope you know, that we can trust someone all we want, but that doesn't change how viruses and bacteria behave. All the trust in the world won't make genitals free of bacteria, or people free of illnesses we can all get or have.

None of this sounds foolish, per se, what it sounds like is that you're taking risks you don't want to, and where you can't even have the conversations to both establish what the risks are realistically, and staying silent about things that need to be talked about in healthy sexual relationships out of fear. And I think we can agree none of that is the good stuff, nor is any of it supportive of as healthy a body and as healthy a relationship as you could have.

[ 05-31-2012, 03:25 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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copper86
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I think the next time we have anal sex, I will suggest that he wears a condom. I'm not trying to say that he's unreasonable or uncaring in any way - I'm just worried because he has left me twice before and I don't want to lose him again. If he asks about why I want to use condoms; I guess I could just say that I'd feel better about it - and so he could cum all he wants and not panic about anything.

As far as the pap smear went, I'm not sure if I had any screenings done. I got a blood test for sure, and that was in mid-December 2011 (with our first anal intercourse being in June or July of that year and first vaginal intercourse being in September of that year).

We've already made a few changes as to also using condoms as a back-up when undergoing vaginal sex; so hopefully I can suggest this change myself and see what happens.

I don't know why he doesn't wear condoms with anal. I think that he has either been screened or has never had anal sex before; or that he assumes that since I was a virgin when we first started to hang out, that I had no infections (which I know is not necessarily the case - it might be unlikely that I have anything, but it's not impossible), and that is why he thinks condoms are unnecessary.

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"I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can)

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Heather
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Can we agree that any partner who would leave you (or anyone) because they won't do something seriously basic that's one of the easiest things in the world to do in order to support both of your health and well-being isn't a sound partner to be with in the first place?

It does sound like you both need to talk about testing, even though it should have been talked about long before now. You need to know if he's been tested or not, not guess at it, and you also need to find out for yourself if you have had any STI screenings (at the very least, without HIV counseling, you can know you didn't have that screening). And you not having had a sexual partner before isn't a sound reason for him thinking condoms aren't needed, neither is his not engaging in anal sex before: after all, his health isn't the only one at risk here.

[ 05-31-2012, 05:06 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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copper86
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Thank you so much for your response, Heather. I really appreciate it!

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"I do the best that I can. I'm just what I am." - Rush (Best I Can)

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Heather
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Of course. [Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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