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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » is that what it's supposed to feel like?

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Author Topic: is that what it's supposed to feel like?
saraa
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Hey, I'm 19 years old and I just had sex yesterday for the first time. It did not feel good at all, it hurt more then anything but I didn't bleed or anything. Is that what it's supposed to feel like? Or will it get better? Cause I'd be okay with never doing it again after the pain yesterday.

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-saraa.

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Robin Lee
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HI Saraa,

Sometimes having vaginal intercourse for the first time does hurt a bit, but it generally shouldn't be unpleasant to the point of not wanting to ever do it again.

I have a couple of questions for you:

Did you and your partner take time before intercourse to engage in other sexual activities that helped you feel aroused and relaxed? Our bodies aren't designed to jump right into penetration. Other sexual activities not only help us feel good and have fun with our partners but they make our bodies change in ways that physically prepare them for intercourse.

Did you and your partner use lubricant? The vagina is self-lubricating, but many women, especially when it's the first time, need a lot more lubrication to ease the friction.

Here's an article for you to read about first-time intercourse. It will give you some other things to think about and we can definitely talk about this more.

First Intercourse 101

I also want to check in with you about birth control and STI protection.

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Robin

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saraa
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Yes he was fingering me and went down on me.

No we did not use any other kind of lube other than the condom that had spermicidal lube.

& lastly, we did use a condom

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-saraa.

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September
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How did you feel about what was happening? Are you sexually attracted to your partner? Do you feel that things were happening at a good pace for you, and you weren't overwhelmed or pressured? Did you want to engage in these activities?

It's usually a good idea to use extra lube, as there is only very little lube on condoms.

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Johanna
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"The question is not who will let me, but who is going to stop me." -Ayn Rand

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saraa
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Yess we've been dating for almost 7 months now & I'm completely in love with him. We had been doing stuff beforehand and he asked me if he should put a condom on and I was the one that said yes. I was super nervous and a little afraid but I wasn't pressured into it or anything. It hurt more the deeper he pushed in, so I was pushing him away so he wasn't so far in (missionary). I was shaking after for so long too.

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-saraa.

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Robin Lee
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I second Joey with the suggestion of using more lube. IN addition, you might want to use condoms that just have regular lube on them, not spermicide. Spermicide can, for some people, be irritating to vaginal tissues.

Nervousness can make our bodies tense up even when it doesn't feel like they are.

If it hurts more when he goes deeper, you two can experiment with positions that don't allow him to go in as deeply. There's an exercise in the article I linked you to that you might also find helpful, as it allows for gradual entry.

Also remember that you don't have to continue with it if it hurts. The two of you can stop, engage in other activities, and either keep engaging in those activities, or go back to intercourse when you're feeling more relaxed.

It's really a matter of experimentation and figuring out what is comfortable for your body.

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Robin

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saraa
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Okay thanks so much:)

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-saraa.

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saraa
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Hello again! I'm back

I just had sex for the second time ever and oh my goodness, it hurt! [Frown] I was still a little nervous but we had been hooking up prior(fingering, eating out, handjob) and when he finally put a condom on and put it in, it hurt so bad when he pushed it in far. Will it stop hurting after a few times? Or will it just hurt like that forever? Cause if anything, that time hurt more then the first time! [Frown]

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-saraa.

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Heather
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Well, did you say it hurt? If his penis didn't feel good -- and didn't hurt -- when intercourse began, did you still have him enter even more deeply?

If so, why? In other words, were you communicating openly about what did and didn't feel good, and was he responding to that communication?

Also, were you adding a lubricant this time as suggested?

[ 04-19-2012, 08:55 AM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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saraa
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Yes I told him it hurt so he stopped & then tried again but it still hurt so then he just wasn't going as deep.

Yes we did use extra lubricant. But it was hurting like inside, not as if there wasn't enough lube.

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-saraa.

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WorriedGirl11
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Hi Sara.

I'm not an expert here- but I was 18 when I first had sex, and I went through the exact same thing!
Don't worry about it, it does get easier. I've had a lot of friends tell me "the first is always the worst"- everyone I know seems to have gone through pain to begin with. I found it normal- yes, it hurt like hell and I questioned wanting to do it again- but I actually found that if you just wince through the pain it starts to feel good.
Honestly, I found that the more I did it, the easier it became- I think it's just a case that some virgins can be "tighter" and not used to the sensation and the friction can be painful. I know I felt more pain the deeper he got but after a while, it starts to feel more natural.

Just thought some personal experience might help. (: What we tried was putting lube in the tip of the condom before we put it on, on the outside of the condom and on me. It makes it easier to begin with and it'll probably relax you a little more. [Smile]

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Heather
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Just a quickie: having intercourse or other entry doesn't actually "loosen" the vaginal opening or canal. On the whole, excepting serious injuries or complications which pregnancy and/or vaginal childbirth and aging, how "loose" or "tight" both of those are is static, not permanent. In other words, they change situationally, like when we're scared or not, relaxed or not, excited or not.

Why some inexperienced people often tend to feel "tighter" is most typically because they're nervous, scared, anxious, still learning what they need to really be turned on, have partners who are still learning, aren't communicating what they need to partners, etc.

And those things tend to change over time as people build trust or courage, learn to relax, learn to nix sex that isn't wanted or right for them at a given time, learn what they like, have partners who learn what they like, and get better at communicating. [Smile]

[ 05-21-2012, 05:06 PM: Message edited by: Heather ]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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breath
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HI everyone,

I also just wanted to add that when I had partner vaginal sex at 24 for the first time, it was the most effortless thing that had happened to me in a long time. It was very very very easy and very very comfortable for me when it was going inside me....I felt no pain or discomfort, if anything just a slight feeling of being stretched, if even that. I didn't have anything other than fingers before in my vaginal.

So just wanted to share that.

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breath
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HI everyone,

I also just wanted to add that when I had partner vaginal sex at 24 for the first time, it was the most effortless thing that had happened to me in a long time. It was very very very easy and very very comfortable for me when it was going inside me....I felt no pain or discomfort, if anything just a slight feeling of being stretched, if even that. I didn't have anything other than fingers before in my vaginal.

So just wanted to share that.

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