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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » I don't know what to make of my new sexual partner?

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Author Topic: I don't know what to make of my new sexual partner?
luanne
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Member # 48638

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Hey, it's been a while since my last post!

Lately I've been blessed with a really great sex partner. He's just as concerned about my pleasure as his own, and he's really enthusiastic and smart. Also, where my previous partners would rely on withdrawal because they didn't want to use a condom, this guy has insisted on using one every single time.

So he has a really positive attitude about condoms and he never complains, but I think they do take away from the feeling . . . he keeps going soft, taking the condom mostly off, rubbing his penis a bit to make it hard again, then sliding it back on. But he still orgasms when I give him blowjobs, so it's not that his penis is too used to him masturbating, I don't think. He always just ejaculates on me or in my mouth. Last time he did that he apologized and said it was a bad habit, and that he should be able to finish in a condom. I think he felt kind of bad even though I like everything he does and always tell him so. Not being able to orgasm through intercourse conflicts with the way he thinks sex should be, but it's not really his fault if the rubber is making it difficult to reach that point, is it? [Confused] Anyway, since we're not sleeping with other people and we're both STI-free, I was thinking of switching birth control methods so maybe it would feel nicer for him.

Hormonal birth control makes me feel weird so I don't want to use that. Cervical barriers looked good but he's got a really big penis so I'm worried he'd bump the cap and it would be uncomfortable for one or both of us (does anyone have experience with these?). I was thinking of combining the sponge with withdrawal, but I read somewhere that the sponge can't be used by people who are allergic to sulfa drugs- is that true?

The other unusual thing about sleeping with this guy is that my vagina has been smelling different. Not bad though. He's the first to use condoms and the first to give me oral so could something in the condom lube or his saliva have changed things down there? It's not a bad smell and it doesn't itch or anything like that, but it still bothers me a little. I liked it better before. I heard that eating yogurt helps the equilibrium of the bacteria down there- is that true? [Razz]

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Posts: 69 | From: America | Registered: Aug 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
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Member # 90293

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It may be that the condom is reducing sensation, or it may be that intercourse isn't what brings him to orgasm. Not every sexual activity will lead to orgasm for every person.

The two of you could try different condom brands. Some condoms are thinner, which can help some people with sensation. Different condoms fit differently, which can also affect sensation.

How long have the two of you been together? Have you each had two clear STI screenings in that time? These are things to consider before deciding whether ditching condoms is a healthy choice for you at this time.

Have you tried hormonal birth control before? Is that why you're saying it makes you feel weird? Which method is best for you is something you can discuss with your doctor, as they'll be able to factor in your previous health history. Here's a list of different methods though, and we can definitely talk about which ones you think would work for you and any questions you might have.

Birth Control Bingo!

As to your vagina smelling different, it could be that introducing something new tt the vaginal environment has caused it to alter. This could also include any diet or lifestyle changes you've made recently.

The probiotics in yogurt are said to help things balance out. I'm not familiar with any scientific studies showing this, but I will look. [Smile] You'll want to look for yogurt that specifically says it contains live active cultures.

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
luanne
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Member # 48638

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We've been doing this just under a month, but I've known him forever and trust him all the way. I've had a screening, but I don't think he has. I'll talk to him about that. I was on the pill a couple of years ago and it made me moody as heck, and honestly, the idea of messing with my natural hormones bothers me anyway. I wish I could just will myself not to get pregnant! What I really want is something on the less invasive side. Condoms would be perfect if they were more sensitive. We've tried ultra-thin and ultra-lubed and fun colors and a bunch of different brands, and blah. But hey, I hadn't thought of they way they fit, so could a bigger size help? He's inexperienced with sex in general and I'm inexperienced with condoms. Are you allowed to name specific brands that might be good?

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Posts: 69 | From: America | Registered: Aug 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Robin Lee
Volunteer Assistant Director
Member # 90293

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WE suggest that before couples even think about going without STI protection that they have been together for at least six months without sexual involvement with other partners and that each person has had two full clear STI SCREENINGS.
.

I could suggest specific condom brands, but it's really just a matter of the two of you finding one that works for both of you. Good old trial and error will be your best bet.

It's possible that a larger size would work better, though remember that you want it to fit snugly and not be in danger of coming off.

One thing that might help with sensation for your boyfriend is to put a little bit, as in a couple of drops, of a water-based lubricant inside the condom before he puts it on.

Here's anything and everything you probably ever wanted to know about using condoms.

Condom Basics: A User's Manual

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Robin

Posts: 6066 | From: Washington DC suburbs | Registered: Dec 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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