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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Masturbating... is this normal?

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Author Topic: Masturbating... is this normal?
SuperConfused92
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Hey everyone, after looking on the internet for months, I'm still not entirely sure what's going on and could really use some expert advice/knowledge...

I'm a 19 year old girl in college and I'm confused when it comes to pleasing myself.

Firstly, I've been making myself feel good since like 2nd grade. What I do is lay on my stomach, hold my hands under and against myself, tense up my whole lower body (legs, butt, feet, stomach, PC muscles) as tight as I can, and then use my body to push myself into my hands. The whole thing only takes about 10-30 seconds.

It always feels really good, but I don't think I've ever gotten an orgasm from it.

It only occurred to me about a year ago that this probably isn't classified as normal masturbation, and what I feel is probably just the good/relaxing feeling of when any muscle is tensed for as long as can be held, then released... including the muscles in the vagina and lower body. I definitely don't feel contractions or throbbing after its over.

I have a boyfriend and after the past few months of being at a certain level of intimacy, we both feel frustrated that I can't get off. We're both virgins and don't plan on loosing it until marriage, so read this in terms of just fingering.

Don't get me wrong, we're still having fun and there's more to our relationship than the physical aspect, its just I really would like to orgasm for my own sake, haha. (Plus, I'm sure he would like it too).

So, I guess there are 2 main questions I have...

1) Does anyone else touch themselves like this?

*** Is it normal to tense up and rub for as long as you can before you get physically exhausted? Have you had any success with orgasms?

2) Why do I become less aroused when touched?

*** When I (or my bf) try to touch me in any other way than I described above, I can be very turned on, but I only feel extreme sensitivity, not pleasure. Even then, the more the contact lasts, I can't help but focusing on the feeling of the sensitivity which ultimately just turns me off. When I try to masturbate, I can go from being really turned on to completely turned off in the process of touching myself. :/ The same feeling happens whether its gentle/hard, fast/slow. It never feels like a building sensations... quite the opposite happens actually.

Any comments/help are much appreciated! Thank you <3

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CSandSourpatch
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The only thing I can speak to is the way you masturbate, because (and since about the same age, though I'm a few years older than you) I have done almost exactly as you do. (I've definitely wondered if it's "normal", too, and I'm really glad to know I'm not the only one! [Smile] ) I have indeed reached orgasm from it, although I occasionally have to do a very little bit of rubbing over the area above my clitoris to fully reach orgasm. But (as I'll reiterate below) what works for me might not work for you.

However, that's about where our similarities end, so I can't help you with your second question. I do hope that I've eased your mind at least a little about how "normal" your masturbation is, though. Really, I'm pretty sure that there is no "normal" way for women to masturbate--I've definitely heard of all sorts of ways that work for various (but not all) women, and I think, when it comes down to it, as long as it is working for you and not harming you, you shouldn't worry about whether it's normal or not.

[ 04-17-2012, 10:48 PM: Message edited by: CSandSourpatch ]

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SuperConfused92
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@CSandSourpatch

Thanks for the reply! ...Its nice knowing that I'm not the only one, haha.

If its not too much of a personal questions, how long does it take to reach orgasm this way? How do you know it was an orgasm? I feel like I get to a point where I just physically can't keep my muscles tense and have to relax, but the feeling doesn't build unless I keep tense! Such a horrible predicament, lol.

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CSandSourpatch
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It takes maybe a minute or two at the most, though usually more around 30 seconds. As to how I know... it's not that I don't know, it's just that it's REALLY hard to describe. (Also, I've heard that different people experience orgasms differently.) For me, the best I can describe it is as a sort of a peak of pressure followed by a rather... "glow-y" release spreading upward, usually accompanied by a little bit of pleasant throbbing in my pelvic area. It's also the same feeling when my partner gets me off, though he goes about it entirely differently.

Again, though, I've heard that the feeling is different for different women, though one thing I have heard from most accounts is that it feels a little bit like you have to urinate, and it's definitely true for me.

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SuperConfused92
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Hmmm... thinking back, there may have been a few times that felt especially good. I know what you mean by the "glow-y" feeling. It just radiates outward.

Actually, the more I think about it, I remember there being nights where I would distinguish if it worked, or if it didn't, though I can't remember what the difference was. Perhaps I did have a few small orgasms in my youth, lol. (Before I knew what they were).

Anyways,

I guess my problem might not being fully aroused when I do it nowadays due to the sheer lack of free/alone time at college. I find myself barely imagining anything or relaxing before getting started on the physical part.

I have another question, once again, if you feel comfortable answering:

Even though you touch yourself this way, you said you can still get off other ways (like from your guy)? I feel like maybe part of the problem is not being used to touching directly to the skin. When I do it, it's always through layers and layers of clothes with lots of pressure.

Maybe its something I have to get used to? Do you remember the first time another person touched you? Did it immediately feel good or did it take some getting used to?

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CSandSourpatch
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Not being fully aroused, especially from stress or lack of free time, can TOTALLY make it not work at all for me, so I definitely know how that goes. Take your time to get relaxed and aroused, however that works for you.

I honestly don't remember if it took getting used to or not when it was first just skin-on-skin, but I do remember that we gradually got comfortable with less and less layers of clothing over time, and, any time we're going to be doing this, just as I need to feel aroused before masturbation, I need to feel aroused with my partner, so we take that easily and slowly. (Foreplay, if you will.)

I know you said you've tried different pressures/speeds, but maybe you should try something a little different than what you do now--a different place, a different position... I don't know, and, per site terms of use, you most likely can't give details. Vary it slightly until you find something that works for you; that's generally how both my partner and I have gone about figuring out something that works better. It sounds like you're communicating with your partner openly about sex, so definitely don't be afraid to suggest that you try this or that, or even to say "Hey, this isn't working. Would you mind just cuddling/kissing/holding hands/etc. for a bit?" if you need.

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hello kitteh
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I do the exact same thing as you and believe I have been doing it since kindergarten or first grade. When my boyfriend and I were more sexually active I used to simulate it by applying a lot of pressure (really, really hard) by sitting on top of him and pulling myself as hard as I could on top of his penis while rubbing back and forth, but the rubbing wasn't always nessecary to orgasm. I think what you are doing is completely normal [Smile]
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Heather
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Just a reminder about how very many ways people masturbate: How Do You Masturbate?

[Smile]

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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