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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » A few issues...

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Author Topic: A few issues...
symbiotic_uk
Neophyte
Member # 39860

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Hi,

I'd be grateful for any thoughts/reassurances on my current situation.

I'm mid-20s, relatively inexperienced, partly due to hangups about a curved penis, partly because I wanted to wait to have sex with someone special. However, I mellowed in that approach and had a few sexual experiences. A couple of partners haven't been great (ED, PE) due to lack of experience I think, but with the last one I had frequent sex for good periods of time etc, so I no longer feel PE is an issue.

But I've now recently started a relationship with a girl I've come to really like, and am having problems getting/maintaining erections - which has brought up some issues I know I need to deal with. I'm seeing a doctor as soon as possible about points 2 & 3, but thought I'd post here too.

The issues:

1. Curved penis. I've always had one that curves to the right. This causes me initial mental anxiety about what girls think, but once I know they like me and I can enter her, this aspect is fine.

2. ED. Despite above, I've typically always had hard erections when masturbating/in the morning. However, on reflection I can't seem to remember when I last had a really hard erection like I used to. Now, I'm having trouble getting and maintaining an erection, which is causing problems for me and her. For her, it's the emotional stress of a) wanting sex and intimacy with me, but being unfulfilled and b) wondering if I don't like her, aren't turned on by her or have hangups over exes. For me, it's causing a) anxiety, b) frustration at the inability to have the intimacy with her I really want and c) stress knowing I'm causing her this stress. It's actually made us cry.

I have wondered whether it's because she doesn't turn me on, but I don't think this is the case. She's very pretty, has a great body and we get on really well and have lots of fun. And though this situation isn't exactly making her feel great (unfulfilled desire, inadequacy, reduction in confidence) she is being supportive. And I feel mentally very turned on by her, but the size of my erections really aren't matching how much I'm feeling turned on by her; it's like there's a disconnect between my brain(/libido?) and my penis and it's like I can feel my penis struggling...it's mentally painful considering how turned on I feel by her, by the thought of having sex with her and how much I want it. I've also checked, and porn isn't turning me on like it used to, so I feel like if it wasn't her, I'd be having these problems with someone else.

I've been inside her twice. The first time - in bed - I felt turned on but was only semi-erect, so I had to self stimulate a bit before I put on the condom. Then, due to not being able to feel her properly through the condom, I went soft. I did gain some confidence as I knew my curve wasn't an issue - she felt good and from what I felt of her it was good - and I felt like I'd approach next time more confidently. The second time, we were on the sofa and I felt sufficiently erect to feel I wanted to have sex right there (after discussion, she had told me to just initiate sex whenever I felt ready), but I slipped out due to the sofa etc and lost the erection. She tried to re-stimulate me but though it felt good and I was very turned on, I remained flaccid. I'm now noticing a difficulty in being turned on in general (partly stress no doubt), and even masturbation is taking time (including getting hard, and again, not as hard as in the past - say 2 or 3 years ago).

3. Peyronie's Disease? Having a curved penis, I've wondered if I had PD, but haven't paid too much attention as my erections haven't been affected. Now, I've taken a closer look and feel. I don't know whether this is a symptom of the disease but I notice that (when looking down with the head of the penis horizontal and away from me) just under the corona (and beneath the skin/surface)there's a small bit that feels slightly firmer than the rest, and there's definitely a different sensation when I press against it than anywhere else. Some blood vessels from the base of the penis lead up to it. I was wondering if this might sound like PD and maybe this firmed patch is affecting blood flow and contributing to my ED? On the other side of the corona where the foreskin is attached, there's no such firm patch.

4. A smaller issue is I experience next to no sensation when kissing, with almost everybody. I can feel that I'm kissing, but the feeling isn't stimulating as it should be. Should I be worrying a) I never have this sensation or b) I'm not feeling this sensation with my girlfriend? I experienced a tingling, stimulating kiss about 5 years ago, but this was with someone I wasn't attracted to so don't know why it was different to other kisses I've had since. Even French kissing isn't stimulating, it just feels like rubbing my tongue against a damp sponge. Despite this, I do enjoy the feeling of intimacy kissing gives me, am turned on by it and thus do it a lot - I can feel myself becoming turned on and getting an erection from kissing someone I'm attracted to, and have become hard from it with my girlfriend. It's not as hard as previously though, and again I feel my erection hasn't been reflecting how turned on I feel.

[ 02-20-2012, 10:48 AM: Message edited by: symbiotic_uk ]

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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Welcome to Scarleteen. [Smile]

So, before we talk about all of this, can you fill me in on what, if any, healthcare you've had addressing any of this? For instance, did you get any general healthcare growing up or since which included a genital exam? If so, did any of your providers voice any concerns about your penis? have you talked to any specifically about these concerns?

Same goes with the sensation with kissing: do you feel like you are physically feeling nothing or very little with anything else that has to do with your mouth, like with eating, for instance?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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symbiotic_uk
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Thanks for the welcome and reply [Smile]

Because it's a sensitive issue I've never had the courage to speak to healthcare providers about my concerns or have a genital exam, but do aim to change that now.

I may be not describing it too well - if I eat different foods or lick different things I can distinguish the textures, so a sensation is there, but I don't feel anything or a pleasurable sensation when someone's rubbing my tongue with theirs (or if I stroke my tongue with my finger!); it seems like it would be have to be a rough tongue or ours both to be quite dry for me to actually feel it.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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So, even growing up and getting checkups, you never had a doctor do any kind of genital exam, including a testicular exam?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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symbiotic_uk
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No. I/parents never took initiative to ask for stuff like that, and the local healthcare centres never pushed/offered them I don't think.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I find that pretty unusual, since a testicular exam, even as kids are growing up, is very basic healthcare. Not ever getting that when you are getting basic checkups would be really unusual.

But since it sounds like you don't remember even if it DID happen, I think it sounds important to see a provider now. We can still keep talking, but without knowing if we are talking about a health condition or physical problem or not, it's kind of tough to know which way to take part of this, since those would be pretty different answers, you know?

But I don't think we need to know that to discuss the sexual dynamics going on between you and your partner right now,. If you want to dig into that while we wait on the healthcare for the other issues, can you maybe start by telling me if you feel like you even really want a sexual relationship right now with this person? Can you also tell me if from or at the start of this relationship, you felt like you had very strong sexual feelings for this person? How about other feelings?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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symbiotic_uk
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Sure, I understand [Smile]

I feel I do really want one with her. I wouldn't say they were very strong initial sexual feelings, I tend to be more attracted to personality, but when I first saw her at a mutual friend's I immediately wanted to touch her and did, and again several times when flirting.

Physically, I found her more attactive than my last partner, and when I'm not with her I fantasise about her. There's strong sexual and kindred spirit/friendship feelings on both sides; it turns out we have a huge amount in common.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Well, when I say sexual feelings, I mean things like wanting to touch someone sexually.

So, those feelings of wanting to touch her and connection with her: would you say these are sexual feelings (even if there are also other kinds of feelings involved), or only platonic feelings?

With the healthcare, do you know where to go? I'd suggest a GUM clinic as the best place for that, especially if you have felt embarrassed. Going to a kind of clinic that's all about sexual health, where you know everyone is getting that kind of care, might feel better for you than seeing a general doctor.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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symbiotic_uk
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I don't think it crossed my mind about wanting to touch her sexually the first time, but I wanted to kiss her and get to know her better. By the first and second dates I was thinking that way about her though, and I do like/really enjoy touching her sexually. Out of interest, just writing that and subconsciously imagining it actually turned me on, but I wasn't able to sustain it for longer than a couple of minutes and I feel a little sore now at the spot I mentioned earlier.

I've just checked my nearest GUM clinic and one of them happens to be the general clinic I'm registered with, so I think I'll go there - one of the doctors seems to be a sexual health expert so fingers crossed they will be able to advise/help/refer me. I aim to go first thing tomorrow morning!

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

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(Hey: didn't/don't mean to leave you hanging, but I've gotten caught up in finishing some design and development I work I need to wrap up by today. So, if you can hang in there, I can pop back to this in the morning.

And maybe we'll have more to talk about then, too. Nice coincidence there with the GUM clinic!)

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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