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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Male unable to orgasm

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Author Topic: Male unable to orgasm
Vampa
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I'm currently in my first sexually active relationship. I'm very attracted to her and have no problem getting and maintaning an erection while we are close. However, I have been unable to orgasm during intercourse.

I have no problem when masturbating, but I never seem to reach a climax or even get close during sex, including oral.

I had a couple of one night stands in the past and had the same problem, but just figured that I wasen't in sync with my partner.

She has voiced her concern and beleives that she is doing something wrong or that I am not attracted to her, which is completly false.

Any advice?

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JamsessionVT
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If you have no problem ejaculating while masturbating, than there is nothing physically wrong with you.

Nerves is actually a huge killer when it comes to maintaining erections, ejaculating/orgasming, etc, with a partner. Sometimes we can get the best of ourselves mentally, and even the slightest inhibitions can cause a problem like this.

Of course you should make sure that your partner knows that this is nothing she can control, b/c that is 100% true. I'd suggest incorporating more foreplay into your sexual activity, and not to be as concerned about orgasm. Before going right to intercourse, spend more time focusing on physical sensations and experimenting, and see what happens. Relax and just have fun, and don't focus on achieving orgasm and the like.

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Abbie
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Vampa
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I've assured her that it has nothing to do with her. Whether I have the big 'O' or not, I had much rather see her satisfied.

Forplay is a major part of our activity, probebly 3/4 forplay to 1/4 actual intercourse. It's actually getting to the point where I enjoy the forplay more since I don't have to worry about the end result.

It's getting to the point where I'm beginning to worry. Not in a physical sence, but it is frustrating to have a great experience and not be able to share in the climax with her.

We care for eachother and she wants to see me satisfied as much as I want to satisfy her. While I do want the pleasure, I want her to know that she fufills me fully. The rolls seemed to be reversed in this case, most of my friends are having the opposite problem.

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Blink
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When you masturbate, do you always do so in exactly the same way? If so, you may have gotten your body used to responding to one type of stimulation, and this could be causing your problem. You could try using different techniques when masturbating to help get your body used to responding to different sensations.

It is also likely to be nerves, like Jamsession said.

If you have had manual sex with your girlfriend, have you been able to orgasm from that?

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Alatariel
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My bf and I had a very similar problem, not with intercourse (as we haven't gotten to that) but with all other forms of sexual stimulation. Then he stopped masturbating all together and... problem solved! I'm not suggesting you give it up completely, but maybe try taking a break for a bit and see what happens?
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Vampa
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I do have a pretty set ritual in masterbation, and that does make sence. I think it's been a little over a week since I last masterbated so I'll see if that helps as well.

Blink, what do you mean by 'manual sex'? Normal intercorse?

Thanks for the thoughts everyone.

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JamsessionVT
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Manual sex includes hand jobs, fingering, etc. Pretty much anything that isn't oral sex or intercourse.

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Abbie
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Vampa
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Thanks.

Yes we have manual sex and incoorporate that into forplay. But no, I have not been able to orgasm.

Usually at the beginning of the new sensation (HJ, BJ, or intercorse) I get a rather pleasurable feeling but it soon fades away almost as if my body gets used to the feeling after a minute or so.

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kluekozyte
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I would recommend incorporating masturbation into your foreplay and sex. Before you say that sounds ridiculous, here's the idea: if you can orgasm reliably by yourself, do that, but let your girlfriend help. With some combination of you and your girlfriend stimulating you, it should be easy to climax. Once you've proven that you can orgasm, and that she can make you ograsm, it's just a matter of shifting the responsibility more and more to her, and more and more to intercourse. If you've gotten close to orgasming in foreplay, then it's more likely you'll orgasm within a reasonable amount of time during sex.

Disclaimer: I'm a virgin, but I've done everythiing but sex with my girlfriend, and through the kind of method I talked about above, she has learned to bring me to orgasm, and I have learned to bring her to orgasm, both reliably. Mutual masturbation is good fun as well, as something to be incorporated into foreplay, but also to learn.

Just some ideas...

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gabrielle2
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Remember, the more you think about an orgasm the more difficult it is to have one.
Also, I recommend decreasing your masturbation sessions, trust me, it will help to reach an orgasm easier during the intercourse.

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Kisses! Gabrielle

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Karybu
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gabrielle, this thread is almost a month old - it's unlikely the original poster is still reading. Please stick to current topics when posting replies. (As a side note, there is no evidence that masturbating less will make reaching orgasm any easier during partnered sex.)

As well, please edit out the link in your sig; Scarleteen is PG-13 and linking to any 18+ sites is against our guidelines.

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"Another world is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing." -Arundhati Roy

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scode
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i have a simular situation i am in a sexual relationship woth a woman but i have only had one orgasm the first time i had sex with her and havent been able to since then is it because im not attracted to her, i have been with prostitutes in the past and did not have a problem or is it physical that my penis isnt wide enough to get the proper stimulation from her or is her vagina too big for me
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Saffron Raymie
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Sorry this was missed, scode.

It's not possible that your penis or her vagina are too big or small. This is because the vagina isn't one shape - it's a muscular tube that is solid when its owner is unaroused. However, when the owner of the vagina is aroused, the muscular tube becomes very flexible allowing the muscles to easily fit around things, like a finger or a penis.

To have an orgasm with any kind of sex, we need to make sure we're incredibly aroused first, and doing lots of the kind of sex we usually love during masturbation, and incorporating those into the sex we have with a partner. Does that make sense?

Also, do you feel super attracted to this partner?

An important thing to remember is that what's most common with sexuality is that its incredibly diverse - we all enjoy different kinds of sex and reach orgasm from different kinds of sex. It would be extremely unusual for someone to reach orgasm from every kind of sex there is, if you know what I mean?

[ 02-03-2012, 03:12 PM: Message edited by: Saffron Reimi ]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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scode
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unfortunately i am not attracted to her it is more of a friends with benefits relationship she is a wonderful person to be with im just not attracted to her
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scode
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unfortunately i am not attracted to her it is more of a friends with benefits relationship she is a wonderful person to be with im just not attracted to her
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