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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » intimacy issue?

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Author Topic: intimacy issue?
Pixiie
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Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year now and in the beginning of our relationship arousal wasn't an issue for me I felt tingles everywhere it was intense..but for the past few months my arousal has been lower when we are together at its minimum and I don't know why the fire has died down. Do you have any advice on why this has happened? how can i get that feeling back?

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Pixiee

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BrightStar171
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Have you started (or stopped, or changed) taking any medications in the period of time where your arousal has changed? Hormonal birth control especially, but also things like anti-depressants, some thyroid medications, and a lot of other drugs can affect libido.

Have you experienced changes in the levels of stress or anxiety in your life outside your relationship? Tensions with family or friends, new school, new job, busy schedule, stuff like that?

Have there been any changes or tensions in your relationship, your attraction to your boyfriend, how safe or comfortable you feel with him, etc.? I ask this one especially since you've posted before about not having felt ready to have sex with your partner. Are you maybe feeling rushed or pressured about sexual activity? Because that can definitely do a number on your arousal.

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Saffron Raymie
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To add to what BrightStar said above; do you still feel as sexually attracted to your boyfriend as before you felt this change in your arousal?

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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Pixiie
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i have not taken any medication or anything of that sort. i recently started taking birth control but my doctors tell me its shold increase my libido if anything. i dont think its my libido thats gone low because the want for sexual encounter is there. but me and my boyfriend are going through a rough patch these few months in defining the relationship and where we want to stand with eachother because college is a big change for us so i do feel alot of stress in the sense of not knowing where i stand with him when before i knew completly and felt secure in our relationship. that security has sorta faded away. but im not being pressured he never pressured me everything i do is because i want to do it.

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Pixiee

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Saffron Raymie
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Relationship changes, especially feelings of anxiety, definately have a large impact on being able to truly 'let go' with sex, as mental and emotional relaxation is a big part of arousal.

We all tend to feel a certain degree of vulnerablity with sex, because it requires us to be so free and express ourselves. However, if we're already feeling vulnerable, it makes it difficult to really go there, if you get what I mean?

As only you can be the expect of how you feel; do you think these feelings of uncertainty about your relationship are causing you to be unable to reach full arousal at this time?

[ 12-01-2011, 09:22 AM: Message edited by: RaeRay2112 ]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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Pixiie
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i thik it may play some what of a major part. I neve felt that type of certainty and trust from anyone in my past relationships and the love he had for me you could feel the intensity and i knew i never had to worry about losing him. so yeah i think my mental state could be a big part or maybe even the whole part of why i can not reach that height of arousal. its just the fixing of my mental state is the hard part, i dont want to have sex to try to keep him. so we need time apart time to appriciate eachother i just hope it works.

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Pixiee

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Saffron Raymie
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It's a really sound idea not to engage in sex that isn't feeling as great, especially not to make sure a we stay in a relationship - as sex just doesn't have the power to do that. It sounds like you're taking really good care of your body and mind here.

Have you had a talk with him about college? You've voiced feeling uncertain about the relationship; do you know if you both want the relationship to contine through college? Are you both going to college, or is one of you doing other things, or are you off to separate colleges?

[ 12-01-2011, 12:32 PM: Message edited by: RaeRay2112 ]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

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Pixiie
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we are in the same college doing our first semester and we are trying to figure out where we want to be with eachother, were in love but we both understand that college is a whole new ball game. we seem to be in a grey area we dont want to lose eachother or what we have but were just stuck. and its making other things an issue well for me because i take on stress eaisly. i know our intimacy wont be the same or back to how it was until we figure this out.

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Pixiee

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Saffron Raymie
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It might be good idea here for each of you to have a little time for yourselves, as you mentioned above. That way, you can both get more accustomed to college life - including the excitement and pressures without your relationship in the forefront; then come back together to discuss how you're both feeling about everything, and what each of you want.

Hopefully this will ease your stress around this a little.

Here are some links that might help you for when you do revisit what you both want:

How to Nuture Your Best Relationship Models

How to Build Healthy Relationships

When you do have that discussion with him, we're here if you would like to talk more. [Smile]

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'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

Posts: 1285 | From: England | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

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