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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » I don't know how to be active...

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Author Topic: I don't know how to be active...
Member # 51221

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So I'm seventeen years old and about a month and a half ago I got my first boyfriend. I've been friends with him since I was a freshman in high school and he really is wonderful and understanding and he knows that I have very little experience and never pushes me into anything. I talked to him about two weeks in and said that all I was interested in for the time being was making out and some above the shirt petting. Up until last night that was all we did.

There was feeling up under the shirt and some kissing on the chest-- all with my bra still on though. And he also got a little handsy in rubbing my back and backside. Typing it out it doesn't seem like much but it's all very new to me!

Now don't get me wrong, I initiated these actions by guiding his hand and I really enjoyed them. Though I don't have much experience I actually feel that I'm a pretty sexual person.

The problem that I had was that I just felt so passive. I was just lying there while he felt me and, you know, I would respond to his touch but I didn't know what to do with myself. I didn't feel like an active participant. I feel like he's explored a good amount of my body but the most I've done is rubbed his back and hair while making out. Frankly, I have no clue what to do with myself. I find him just as attractive as he finds me and I feel like the way things are going is lopsided. I don't know, I want to experience him too. But I don't know how girls are supposed to do that without bringing in genitals, which I'm not ready for at this point. Being so passive for all of that made me feel inferior in a way and left me unsatisfied.

I'm sure it's not that big of a deal and I'll learn in time but I have absolutely no idea what to do or where to start.

Posts: 27 | From: US | Registered: Dec 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Saffron Raymie
Scarleteen Volunteer
Member # 49582

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Hi Summerchill, welcome to Scarleteen.

You don't have to have had any sex before to be a sexual person; we are all born with a sexuality.

When somebody is touching their partner, that partner is not being passive, they are engaging in a sexual activity with the person touching them. Sex is always a shared activity, no matter who is touching and who is being still. However, I know that there are a lot of myths and standards for what people of certain genders 'should' be doing, or 'shouldn't' when it comes to sex, that we all internalise at some point. However, theses ideas can be unlearnt - anyone of any gender is entitled to asking for what they would like to do. Here's a link that might help you out: Reciprocity, Reloaded.

Sex isn't about gender, sex is a whole body experience for everyone. What someone likes isn't based their gender, or what kind of gentials they have. What's most common in what people like sexuality is diversity and indivuality. Something that is very important and always makes things better in partnered sex is communication. Have you had a talk with your boyfriend about what full body touching he would like?

Here's another link to check out: The Whys and Hows of Talking Sex with a Partner

[ 11-24-2011, 10:57 AM: Message edited by: RaeRay2112 ]

'Obtain the virgin's consent before you marry her' - Prophet Mohammad (pbuh)

Posts: 1285 | From: England | Registered: Oct 2010  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator

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