Donate Now
  New Poll  
my profile | directory login | search | faq | forum home

  next oldest topic   next newest topic
» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Break

 - UBBFriend: Email this page to someone!    
Author Topic: Break
Roxie102
Peer Ambassador
Member # 72015

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Roxie102     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
I'm not really sure what I'm asking, I just need some advice.

My boyfriend and I have been on a break for almost 3 weeks now. He's started telling me that he loves me again, and we've been talking almost everyday even though he said we'd only talk a few times a week. We didn't really formally set a time to end the break, but I had said 2 weeks. He said he might need a little longer, but didn't get into specifics. He's out of town for a wedding until Monday, and I'm thinking when he gets back, I want to talk about the break and get our relationship back on track. I feel like I've dealt with my problems and that I'm ready to be back in an active relationship.

But he's been telling me that he's been on an "emotional rollercoaster", and I don't want to make it worse by bringing this up. At the same time, I don't want to be sitting around an indefinite time wondering when our break will be over. I know he wants to continue our relationship, but I just feel really confused. What should I say/do?

A little background - I had been putting some strain on our relationship because of my fear of the future and my strong attachment to him. He was worried about me going to college and needed to figure out if he really wanted to continue our relationship when that time comes in a little less than a year. In other words, we each wanted to figure out whether our relationship needed to continue getting more serious or if we needed to wind it down and make it more casual. I'm ready for the former, but as of right now, I'm very confused about what he wants.

[ 10-20-2011, 07:42 PM: Message edited by: Roxie102 ]

Posts: 255 | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Does it matter? I mean in terms of you saying what conclusion you've come to?

In other words, if it's been around or over the time you needed and you asked for the break, I think it's fine both to ask to meet to talk about what conclusions you have come to and then share them if he's down with arranging that time to talk.

Obviously, he may or may not have come to the same conclusions you did, but I don't think you need to know where he's at to share. Just to put out there you're ready to talk, then see if he is, too.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Roxie102
Peer Ambassador
Member # 72015

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Roxie102     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
He was the one that suggested it though. I just agreed to it because after thinking about it, we really did need it.
Posts: 255 | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Okay. So maybe you just make a call or send an email saying that when he's ready to sit down and talk about the break and the conclusions he came to, you are?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Roxie102
Peer Ambassador
Member # 72015

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Roxie102     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
He had been texting me all day long on Thursday and Friday. He hasn't texted me at all since then and hasn't replied to the texts I've sent him. I called him and his phone went straight to voicemail so I guessed he either didn't have service or his phone died. Today I caught him on facebook and chatted him a few times, and he just ignored me. He probably has a good reason, but I still feel like I'm being ignored. He told me he'll be home on Monday but I don't know when.

I feel pretty bad and I don't know what to do. I didn't do anything to warrant this reaction from him, so I doubt he's ignoring me, but still...

Posts: 255 | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Are you supposed to be talking during this break? I mean, did you two agree to no contact for a certain period of time?

Just checking to be sure that's not what's going on.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Roxie102
Peer Ambassador
Member # 72015

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Roxie102     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
no, we agreed to talk, just not as frequently as we had been (calling every other day instead of everyday, etc.). Even so, he's pretty much called me everyday since then, even if it was just to say good night. In the 10+ months I've known him, he's never been one to ignore me, so it was just a little weird. Also, I'm pretty sure if he didn't want to talk, which is a possible situation, he'd tell me.

If he had not wanted to talk while he was out of town, I don't think he should've texted me as adamantly as he did the first two days, or he should've told me before he left.

He had even gotten to the point of telling me he loved me again before he left for his trip, and that had been one of the reasons he wanted a break - because he wasn't sure that the feelings he had were really love.

[ 10-23-2011, 06:15 PM: Message edited by: Roxie102 ]

Posts: 255 | Registered: Jul 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
Member # 3

Icon 1 posted      Profile for Heather     Send New Private Message       Edit/Delete Post 
Okay, I agree, sounds like something is up, be that with him or with his phone or computer: obviously impossible to say.

I know it's stressful as all get out to have something like this going on while things are already in flux, but can you hang in there a bit? Maybe just leave a brief message on his FB or phone saying you're just making sure he's okay, everything is okay, because this is weird, and can he just leave you a text or FB message back?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

Posts: 68290 | From: An island near Seattle | Registered: May 2000  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
   

  New Poll   Close Topic   Feature Topic   Move Topic   Delete Topic next oldest topic   next newest topic
 - Printer-friendly view of this topic
Hop To:


Contact Us | Get the Whole Story! Go Home to SCARLETEEN: Sex Ed for the Real World | Privacy Statement

Copyright 1998, 2014 Heather Corinna/Scarleteen
Scarleteen.com: Providing comprehensive sex education online to teens and young adults worldwide since 1998

Information on this site is provided for educational purposes. It is not meant to and cannot substitute for advice or care provided by an in-person medical professional. The information contained herein is not meant to be used to diagnose or treat a health problem or disease, or for prescribing any medication. You should always consult your own healthcare provider if you have a health problem or medical condition.

Powered by UBB.classic™ 6.7.3