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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Birth Control and loss of sex drive

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Author Topic: Birth Control and loss of sex drive
Nich
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Member # 81637

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Hello, I have been on birth control for at least three years now. When I was first put on birth control it was for medical reasons, however for the last year I have been sexually active. About six months ago I had to switch from loestrine 24 to lutera. When I first switched I kind of noticed that I had a slightly lowered libido but I didn't think it was a big deal.
This has gotten progressively worse in the past few months and it makes me pretty upset. I've been with my boyfriend for a year and I've very attracted and able to be turned on but since the change in birth control I'm rarely in the mood. It really bugs me and I'm afraid that it bothers him too, even though he says that it is fine and he understands. It makes me feel kind of like a failure because I want to have a sex drive but since these pills I hardly ever do. I was wondering if there is anything I can do to help this, or would I be better off just switching pills?

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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So, you feel pretty certain this is about the pills?

In other words, nothing else is different over the past few months, like you having depression, anything changing in your relationship, any health issues, etc?

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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Nich
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No everything else has been pretty good relationship wise and I haven't had any other problems. About the only change has been his going into the Marines but this has been a problem since before he made the decision to join. I am pretty certain it is the pills, because I'm attracted to him and get turned on by him but the drive is just not there unless it's the week of my period.
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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Yeah, sounds like the most likely issue, then.

If that is the issue, and this is an issue you didn't have with another brand before, then switching back to what you used before -- if that's an option -- or trying a different brand than this one is likely to help.

Just know if you do that it can potentially take as long as six months to kind of clear the impact on your system a given contraceptive can have, so.

Do you also want to talk about your feelings around this, like feeling like a failure? After all, that doesn't sound like a beneficial framework for you no matter what, and if it does take a while for this to change, feeling like that in the interim is going to be a serious drag.

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Nich
Neophyte
Member # 81637

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I don't know if I would be able to switch back to what I was on before because it completely stopped working and I was having month long periods, which was the whole reason for starting birth control 3 years ago.
And the failure feeling I'm sure comes more from just stress over the whole situation. Because I want to be intimate with my boyfriend but since this pill there is just a block. I know him well enough to know that if he says it's okay that it is but I still continue to stress out because of the whole situation. At the same time I don't always feel that way I am very happy with him but it's more of when we are kissing and I can feel that he wants more, and so do I but it's just not there. I'm sure this all sounds kind of crazy, but it does help talking about it.

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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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I'm not sure what you mean by "completely stopped working," unless you mean you kept becoming pregnant while using it. But I hear you that bleeding for as long as a month (not a period, mind, but still) is certainly not a side effect a lot of people will want to live with, to say the least.

If you want, we could talk about all your BC options, or that's something you can talk about with your healthcare provider. Or both!

None of this sounds crazy: people in sexual relationships tend to care about sex. People who want their relationships to include certain kinds of sex tend to feel frustrated when they don't or can't.

That said, are you okay with the idea of him wanting more but knowing that like anything any of us want, we just can't always have it and can be okay with that? You say you do too, but say...well, that because of the pill, you don't. I assume then you mean you WANT to want more than kissing, yes?

If so, and kissing is feeling good, what's happening here? When you say you have no libido, maybe we should check in about what that means to do? Does it mean not having the desire for any kind of genital sex (including the kinds which don't involve your own genitals at all), or anything you'd consider at all sexual, or...?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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