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» Got Questions? Get Answers. » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Anal anatomy and anal sex

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Author Topic: Anal anatomy and anal sex
Monrose
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I had anal sex with my boyfriend two nights ago;
it was consensual, we're clear of STD's, I use birth control, and there was enough relaxation and lube to prevent pain and damage. We chose not to use condoms but I had a movement earlier than day, he washed his penis well and pee'd after anal sex, and there's was no anal-to-vagina action going on.

This was the first time having anal sex with my current partner, I have had anal sex in the past with another partner but it was painful as there was no preparation and it was not totally consensual.

Now, onto the questions...

Question #1.
I could feel he was only able to go in so-far, there was something blocking him going any further. I really hope this wasn't poop - I don't think it was due to my movement earlier that day, and I think I felt the pressure from whatever he was hitting ease as I relaxed into it.

I thought there was more room for penetration up the back passage, but then I also think I remember something like that you can consciously relax your anus to allow for penetration, but then there's a sphincter further-up that's not as easy to relax - am I right about this? Is this likely the thing that stopped him going any further? How do you 'learn' to relax that so he can get deeper next time?

Question #2.
Lots of sex education sites/books mention that the anus isn't a place where poop is stored - what do they mean? Poop IS stored there in as much as it's there before you poop, or do they just mean as long as you have a movement that day there should be little there? If there is a sphincter further up in the rectum (as I mention in question #1) is there poop there even if you've had a movement?

Question #3 - bonus questions. [Big Grin]
We like anal play, thus we moved onto anal sex, it wasn't hugely pleasurable this time but that may just be because it was the first time having anal sex...you know, you worry about possible mess and pain so it's hard to relax and enjoy...

In time does the feeling of 'OMG, it feels like I'm going to poop on him'' go away? Like how you get over the 'OMG, it feels like I'm going to pee on him!' when you first start having vaginal sex.

Any more general tips on improving anal sex?

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LifeEnColor
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Hello, bio major here. [Smile]

Technically, the anus is just the opening between the outside world and your rectum (and it technically is also a sphincter, of which you actually have many through your body). Yes, there is a sphincter a little ways into the rectum. It is behind that sphincter where the feces are 'stored' until right before you have a bowel movement. That is why during any kind of anal play or sex, it /is/ possible that it can get a little messy and smelly. Because even if you just had a movement, or one earlier, there could be a bit of debris left behind that didn't quite make it out.

As for learning to relax the muscles for further penetration, I'm not sure how that works. Obviously the more relaxed you are, the looser your muscles will be. I'm not sure if you can actually train yourself for that. What you're describing sounds like it could be the sphincter that is stopping him from going any deeper. That puppy is built to stay locked up tight until you have a movement, otherwise we'd all be needing diapers. So I don't think theres much you can do to really relax it. I'm not sure I'd recommend forcing past it either.

I can't answer your third question at all though, sorry. I've hardly ever tried any kind of anal play, and when I have, I'm way too caught up in my worries to actually enjoy it.

And just a word of advice, you should really consider using a condom next time. Feces pass through your digestive tract, which is chock full of bacteria, most good, some not so much (which is why poop is smelly). Even though you're safe from STDs it sounds like, you can still pass on some nasties by letting fecal matter come into contact with the entrance to your boyfriend's urethra.

I hope this was at least a little helpful?

Posts: 112 | From: Upperstate NY | Registered: Jan 2011  |  IP: Logged | Report this post to a Moderator
Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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LifeEnColor dealt with some of the anatomy part well: because no, your rectum isn't where feces is stored. It's stored in your bowel.

There are two primary sets of muscles of the anus and rectum, the the internal and external sphincter. The external can be voluntarily controlled (in other words, you can think about squeezing it open or closed and make that happen); but the internal can’t. However, both of those muscles can be relaxed, and don't need to be "locked" unless there's a bowel movement happening (that's the part where the previous post didn't really get it right).

How do you learn to relax those muscles? Generally, by exploring anal play very gradually, so you and a partner can learn what feels good to you (including what, if any, other activities you may need concurrently with or before anal play). Your partner can also learn how to feel when those muscles are and are not relaxing and loosening to learn when it's sound to go deeper and when it isn't. When a person is relaxed and aroused, and more does feel good, those muscles will tend to feel like they're pulling whatever it is -- a finger, a penis -- inward, rather than pushing something out. And that exploration is usually something that you probably don't want to start with anal sex with a penis, just like swimming in the deep end of the pool isn't usually wise before spending time in the shallow end. Had you two explored other kinds of anal play first, like with a lubricated, gloved fingertip?

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Monrose
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Hi Heather, thanks for the answer.

Yes, there has been anal play before this - with him we've used his finger(s), anal beads and a small dildo, by myself I have used a dildo more realistic to his penis-size - BUT in all these cases the toys/fingers were quite shallow, not as deep as that second sphincter.

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