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» Scarleteen Boards: 2000 - 2014 (Archive) » SCARLETEEN CENTRAL » Sex Basics and Sexual Health » Um lacking pleasure on my end

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Author Topic: Um lacking pleasure on my end
Zeek Maxwell
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Member # 75446

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I've had sex with my girlfriend twice and its felt good but I'm not really getting the enjoyment I expect. I don't even get to the point of ejaculating. Any ideas why?
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Heather
Executive Director & Founder
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What kind of kinds of sex are we talking about? Only one kind, or any kind?

Do you experience pleasure/enjoyment with masturbation? Do you reach orgasm that way?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
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Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Zeek Maxwell
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what exactly do you mean by what kind? and yes I get pleasure out of masturbating and its feels better if i masturbate.
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Heather
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There are a lot of kinds of sex: What's Sex?

So, do you mean vaginal intercourse, oral sex, manual sex with her hands...?

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Zeek Maxwell
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oh ok, I mean vaginal intercourse
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Heather
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Gotcha. So, have you two explored other kinds of sex, and do those other kinds feel good to you?

Can you also give me a picture of what your expectations are of vaginal intercourse? You say you're not getting the enjoyment you expect, so it might help to know what those expectations are and where they're coming from.

Just so you know, as we talk about this, there is no one kind of sex everyone likes, no one kind of sex that 'works" for everyone or does all the time. Some kinds of sex feel great to some people, but "whatever" to others, or even bad to others. What we find we like and don't, what seems great and what seems boring, is often very individual and very situational (in other words, we can find something at one time of life, with one partner a bore, but later in life, with another partner, find it to be very different).

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Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Zeek Maxwell
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well we've done oral (she's only tried stroking me and it was alright, but no lube so only went so far). As far as expectations I expect some sort of...... I guess um excitement that everyone talks about after having sex. I'm not really sure I guess but I know my girlfriend is getting all excited and having fun while I'm feeling more like a motor just moving.
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Heather
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So, with the oral sex, has that felt good and near the kinds of expectations that you had?

With the intercourse, I do think we need to leave room for a learning curve. Two times is just sticking your toe into the water, so it's not likely that it is going to be the stuff of big awesome so soon. Mind, like I said, how much people like a given activity varies, so you'll find out in time where you are with this one. And if you do not want to do it anymore now because you just are not into it, it's also okay to nix it after only two times or even just one.

But if you want to keep exploring this, like with anything else, you'll need to really explore it, trying new ways of moving, new speeds, new depths, different positioning, asking your partner for things that feel good: all to learn what might feel good for you and what doesn't. Do you feel like you two are close enough to be able to have that kind of communication during sex and to experiment like that?

--------------------
Heather Corinna, Executive Director & Founder, Scarleteen
About Me • Get our book!
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Mead

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Zeek Maxwell
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Member # 75446

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yea oral has been great I didn't really know what expectations to have I just thought that it would feel really good. I understand two times isnt enough to get everything so I'll see where it goes. And yeah Me and my girlfriend are close enough to communicate during sex and I could ask to experiment with different ways. I just wasn't getting why she was getting such a rise and enjoyment, but I guess it depends on the person.
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